by SophieG 39 Replies latest jw friends
WOW!! Your fade story sounds just like mine in a way. I swear, the same thing happened to me when I decided to express myself to a (conditional) friend. It didn't register with her either.
You sound as if you have your mind set!! That is great and is inspirational. I am happy for you.
(((Sophie G))) Hang in there. I think that friends and family freak out because they don't really want to be put in a position of having to choose between friendship, family or the organization. They become angry at us when their anger is because of the stand they are forced to take if they don't want to be on the outside looking in themselves. The thought of them having to choose makes them very uncomfortable. It will get better. Leslie
(HUG)
Sorry to hear, it is a tough time.
Make sure you keep stressing that this is not about Jehovah. It is the control of an organisation you have an issue with, not Jehovah. And if they keep saying your relationship with Jehovah is affecting your family relationship, correct them it is the organisation that is coming between your family relationship, not Jehovah. Yo will be shocked at how they will find it difficult to understand the difference.
Hang tough, Sophie, and remember that all things pass, including these rough times. Keep your eye on the REAL (not fantasy) prize: life in the present and future....
Sab... Thank you! In defense of my friend, I know she is deeply hurt! I am the sister she looked up to! If I am LEAVING it's a big deal! It's throwing her thought process into overdrive....something is making me leave and it's too much for her to handle. It's going to get worse because everyone knows me. I will keep saying: "Just leave me alone.Trust me, I am fine!"
When I told my little brother that I didn't believe it anymore he burst into tears and he NEVER cries around me. It's this world shattering thing to them, but like you said it's only that way because they make it that way. It's dysfunctional to take responsibility for the feelings of another person. This is something I had to learn. My mother still cries herself to sleep at night and my family is deeply saddened (not to mention embarrassed) with the fact that I post on this site. It used to really bother me, but now I can see that it's totally out of my control. The only thing that would fix it would be to come back which taints any decision to go back! They set the stage for making an emotional decision for the wrong reasons! Hang in there, it gets better with time.
-Sab
The general rule will be to back off a bit as already stated... however if you do occaisonally want to inject someone with the potential to think then as opportunity presents itself you may want to show them the Deborah Layton quote about Jonestown:
"When your own thoughts are forbidden, when your questions are not allowed and our doubts are punished, when contacts with friendships outside of the organization are censored, we are being abused for the ends never justify the means. When our heart aches knowing we have made friendships and secret attachments that will be forever forbidden if we leave, we are in danger. When we consider staying in a group because we cannot bear the loss, disappointment and sorrow our leaving will cause for ourselves and those we have come to love, we are in a cult... If there is any lesson to be learned it is that an ideal can never be brought about by fear, abuse, and the threat of retribution. When family and friends are used as a weapon in order to force us to stay in an organization, something has gone terribly wrong." - Deborah Layton
Another good line (not sure who's) is this:
"It's much better to have questions you can't answer, than answers you can't question."
I wish you well, but do get a firm grip on your tongue if you want a smooth exit.
Sophie,
jwfacts has a great point, when I initiated my fade, I tempered it with I Still believe in God, and Jesus is his son and my allegiance is to them. NOT the org (Borg) When the GB posted that WT article that "our salvation depends on how we treat the GB on earth today" I took exception and asked to show me in the bible where we are to follow a man on earth or group of men. No one in my family could show me that so they said " ok we understand"
It is a bridge, but alas a small token/gesture on how to keep the family, but not go to meetings.
Hope all goes well for you in the coming days/weeks/months. As long as you stay calm and cool, you will be fine
DG
and remember always play golf on SAt and Sundays helps
"Imagine me running away from these people in 6 inch heels..."
Hang on... I'm still imagining this...
Now. What was this about?
They are freaking out because they know that you will be dead to them soon. It is entirely rational from their perspective. You really ought to take a minute and try to understand that fact: they aren't every going to speak to you again. Actually, you should be a little upset about it, too.
Everyone here wants to cheer you on. I don't see it that way. It is a personal tragedy -- perhaps one that cannot be avoided, but a tragedy nonetheless. We shouldn't cheer those, especially when the person talking about it doesn't seem to have a clue about what is happening.
