Advice please...teenager stuff

by Aussie Oz 23 Replies latest jw friends

  • Aussie Oz
    Aussie Oz

    Baltar, nothing taken the wrong way!

    Jamie, i agree on the big issues being more important..

    she wants to stay with me, just finds it hard to verbalize it, she is now with me for her weekend visitation. will see how this plays out...

    oz

  • jemba
    jemba

    Good luck Aussie. Hopefully she can make a strong stand for living with you and leaving the JWs.

  • Vanderhoven7
    Vanderhoven7

    I'd wait and see how things play out. Right now, it's just a threat. Unless Mom is looking for assistance in raising your daughter, you may be seeking the help of a lawyer if you take matters into your own hands.

  • Scully
    Scully

    Both my girls have used gauges in their ears. Both of them outgrew the desire for them on their own, without interference from me. What do you think might have happened if I'd made an issue of it??

    To answer your question though, prepare to have her move in with you. Clearly she does not want to abide by JW rules, and her mum and step-father want to shove those rules down her throat. Have a sit down with her prior to her moving in and make it abundantly clear that while you are far more liberal than her mum and step-father, you are concerned about her safety and, as jamiebowers said, will not tolerate drug or alcohol abuse, you expect her to be responsible for her overall well-being (eating disorders) and particularly so when she is sexually active (birth control) and she has to take school seriously. Set curfews for her, give her chores and an allowance, and once she's old enough to get a job, she should get one.

  • bohm
    bohm

    Oz: I wouldnt worry for a moment if a 15 year old girl deside to have her ears pierced, it sound very harmless.

    : Should she regard herself as kicked out and come live with me? Has her step tool made the dicision for her by this ultimation? Can I consider her kicked out and just tell her that has happened and take the load off her?

    If step tool is the step tool he sound like he is, he properly havent desided on anything except being a dick and he is properly bluffing. Do you really think your wife would allow him to do something like that?

    Let your daughter know you would be happy to have her live with you if she has problems getting along with mr. Tool, but leave it to them to try and micromanage her life. If she is beginning to rebel to being told/forced to act in a certain way I think she might take it the wrong way if you try and do something on her behalf without her knowing.

  • outsmartthesystem
    outsmartthesystem

    I kind of agree with Baltar. Look.....she should be able to make most of her own decisions......but this is a major one because she is permanently changing her visible features. I realize that no matter what she wants to do as a professional, the size of the damn holes in her ears won't make her any less qualified. But unfortunately we always have and always will live in a biased society. I have trouble seeing her manage a bank, or becoming a pediatrician because of this.

    Life isn't always fair. Her having ear stretchers shouldn't make a damn bit of difference to anyone.....but unfortunately it does. And she needs to realize that life is indeed about having fun, making your own decisions and being independent......but along with that comes SOME sort of conformity to cultural norms. If she disregards ALL expectations and norms.....she will be making life a lot harder than it has to be. I would try to reason with her to remove them. Not because its your way or the highway or because she should respect her mom saying "it's my way or the highway" either. But because she realizes that such a decision can affect her professional career forever. Maybe she'll respect your reasoning and see taht you want her to remove them.....not for control issues.....but out of concern for her future. And maybe this will make her want to move in with you.

  • outsmartthesystem
    outsmartthesystem

    "Can I consider her kicked out and just tell her that has happened and take the load off her?"

    I am sorry....I just realized that I gave an opinion without even really answering your question. I don't think she is "kicked out" until they officially do it. There are a lot of threats in JW land. But I would certainly open the door to my place for her. I'd have a conversation with her about the ear thingies. I'd do everything I can to make her see that with you, you are all about trying to help her succeed in life.....not about creating rules for the sake of control ......a la......mom and step dad and the WATCHTOWER organization

  • perfect1
    perfect1

    threatening to kickout a child (under 18) over ornaments is abuse.

    Parents focusing attention on a teenager's piercings, etc, are not parenting.

    Be supportive and available.

    JW's think they can say, "Not in my house." Legally, if they are parents and guardians, they are responsible for the welfare of the child.

    My brother became homeless once kicked out and has never recovered.

    My Dad thought he was teaching him to "Be a man."

    Kicking out is for serious drug habits or ongoing theft/ vandalism. Not [email protected]#ing pierced ears that she will get tired of eventually.

    I think JW parents threaten to kick out because they basically beleive they are imitating God who would definitely lovingly annihilate you if you disobey and lovingly kicked out Adam and Eve and lovingly will destroy 6.9 billion people.

    BS.

    Also because they realize they have no real power using fear tactics to control and have obedience.

    Love is way more difficult than saying my way or the highway.

  • RubaDub
    RubaDub

    Wow. I had to google ear streatchers. Had absolutely no idea what that was.

    When I saw the thread on teenage stuff I was thinking more of the classics like zits, masturbation, boyfriend/girlfriend, etc. You know, the good stuff.

    I guess I am getting out of touch with reality.

    Rub a Dub

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    It sounds like the tool's threat was empty.

    I like the idea of being prepared. Her room all ready. Tell her the door is always open.

    Be sharp that children with divorced parents usually have a field day playing one against the other. Where you and your ex agree, abide by those rules. (Stay in school, curfew, yadda yadda).

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