New Arrival Chez Grundy

by Joe Grundy 28 Replies latest jw friends

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  Joe Grundy

  Dear Friends

  I am delighted to announce that after a difficult conception, a longer than hoped for gestation period, a higher cost than I had hoped for, and all the associated gubbins, the delivery was successful:

  My divorce Decree Absolute!

  I have made many mistakes in my life, and have been taken for a fool (strange for a 30 year cop!) but at last my divorce from my Filipina Princess is finalised. She found a new boyfriend (older but richer than me) within a week or so.

  I have no idea what lies ahead but whatever it is, now I know that I can seize any and every opportunity that comes my way.
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  still thinking

  I wanted my divorce but still struggled with it. I hope you are really ok.
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  Joe Grundy

  Thank you.

  I met and married my FP within a month while in Cyprus. The marriage was in haste because of (her) immigration status problems, and it took me a great deal of time, effort and money to bring her to the UK. Outsiders realised what was happening - and warned me - but 'there is none so blind as he that will not see'.

  Now, I have a clear run at life ahead. Sad, of course, because I would not have married this woman if I was not in love with her. I have a knife scar - she has a police record.

  I hope that I have learnt a lesson.
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  still thinking

  How long were you married? You said she met someone within a week or so. Was that a week after you were married? Or a week after you seperated?

  [edit] did she stab you?
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  Joe Grundy

  The marriage was in May 2009. Much hard work got her UK visa, and we came to UK two days before Xmas 2010.

  The knife attack was July 2011 and I moved out. She lived in the house (I paid the rent and bills). A week after I moved out, boyfriend started spending nights there. (I was unaware of this). Ten weeks later, she moved in with new boyfriend - and his former partner and their young DS child. Unbelievable!

  And, BTW, can I just say this for the info of all readers. THERE IS NO DIVORCE IN THE PHILIPPINES.

  Yes, I received an official government document (100% genuine) showing that my FP was married at 21 and had a son in the Phils. She denied the marriage, of course.

  Was I ever legally married to her? Don't know, and to be honest now I don't even really care. I am confident that I did my best in difficult circumstances. I am also confident that I won't easily be taken for a fool again anytime soon.
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  Joe Grundy

  (Just seen your edit): She threw a plate first (missed and hit the wall) then went back to the kitchen (I was ironing her work uniform, IIRC) and got my best (large) kitchen knife, which she threw at my chest. I was lucky to deflect it with my hand (scar still there) and had a bit of a bleed-out. I had my mobile phone in pocket and luckily paramedics and police came quickly. (Gave the neighbours something to look at, but was quite embarrassing - I used to be police area commander here).

  I was treated, she was arrested.

  Not all victims of domestic violence are women.
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  james_woods

  I know several stories of Russian immigrant brides from some of the Ferrari guys. Only one out of six lasted more than three years.
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  Broken Promises

  When will men ever learn?

  Congrats on the divorce/anullment. Try not letting your smaller head make your decisions in the future.
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  Heaven

  I am glad you are now free from this abusive person, Joe. And you are very correct in saying that not all domestic violence abuse victims are female. Your ex needs professional help and possibly some medication.

  Not all domestic abuse is physical. I was subjected to the more subtle and stealthy variety of emotional, mental, and psychological abuse.

  I was lied to from day one... about everything. To this day I don't understand it. But then, I don't understand sociopathic and psychopathic behaviours except to say that they do tend to get the person what they want if only temporarily. These people don't seem to be or want to be 'long term' kinda people.

  I now struggle with being able to trust. And with how to recognize when I am being lied to. And when I discover I've been lied to, I cannot trust that person again. The walls go up.

  But I'd rather be alone than be with an abusive person.
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  Joe Grundy

  "Try not letting your smaller head make your decisions in the future."

  This is a very valid comment. Some/many/most - me - men are susceptible to sexual influence. I had had a number of girlfriends/experiences after my (first) divorce in 2002 and I didn't think that I was so susceptible. I was, of course. Sadly, FP's new boyfriend is even more so. He's 67, and I bet (sorry to be crude here) it was a long, long time before he met her that he'd had a BJ.

  I was a cop for 30 years, and I dealt with lots (more than I want to remember) of domestic violence of all kinds (yes, including emotional, verbal, psychological and so on).

  It is somewhat humbling when you are the one who has to call '911' ('999' here) and the police response car is crewed by a woman sergeant who had just joined when you retired as her boss and her newer female colleague!

  But as I get a little older and hopefully wiser I can accept that we're all human with all our weaknesses. I was glad when the cops arrived and I wasn't too proud to accept their help.

  Now is the time to move on. I too find it hard to trust a woman. Maybe I've just met too many with their own agenda, looking for a meal ticket. The hard bit is weeding out those from the majority of people (women) who are genuine.