11-year-old niece was told by JW grandmother that she shouldn't play in band

by keyser soze 34 Replies latest jw friends

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  keyser soze

  I haven't posted here in a while, but I thought this was worth mentioning, and I just wanted to vent about it.

  My brother and sister-in-law, who are now divorced, bought my niece a clarinet about a year ago, so she could play in the band at school. She loves it more than anything in the world. One day last week, her grandmother found out about this and got all upset about it. She lectured my niece about how she shouldn't be playing in the school band (apparently her eternal salvation is at stake for playing the clarinet). My niece called her mom at work, in tears over what her grandma had said, and worried that she was going to have to quit band.

  The amount of guilt bestowed upon JWs, especially young ones, just makes me ill. What makes this worse is that this woman won't associate with her own daughter, who is now DF'd, and treats my brother like the devil, because she blames him for her daughter being DF'd. And yet they still allow her to see her grandchildren.
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  Quandry

  Sounds like your poor niece is in the middle of all of this. Her safe haven would have been to practice the clarinet and be in the band, giving her a sense of accomplishment and belonging. No, we can't have that....must upset her further after her parents' divorce......
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  Kojack57

  That's a shame that your niece has to be bombarded by guilt by grandma. If it was me grandma would never see the grandkids again.

  Kojack
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  finally awake

  Poor kid! I hope she doesn't let grandma guilt her into quiting band
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  AnnOMaly

  What a mean thing for the grandmother to do! This is always going to be at the back of your niece's mind as she continues in the band (and I really hope she does). Interpersed with her joys and achievements will be a sense of her grandmother's disapproval. Makes me mad.
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  keyser soze

  Poor kid! I hope she doesn't let grandma guilt her into quiting band

  My fear is that the elders will find out and try to guilt her mom into forcing her to quit. They don't have any hold over my brother. He lives with me, and doesn't attend meetings anymore. But my ex-sister-in-law wants badly to be reinstated. She's a very co-dependent person, and misses her family and friends.
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  PaintedToeNail

  What a shame. So sorry for your niece.
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  jgnat

  Using a more "normal" example, my granddaughter has parents who fear all sorts of hazards and keep her away from sports - like whitewater rafting - that might be a shade dangerous. I've watched my granddaughter carefully, and she's got this "someday" look in her eye. As soon as she is old enough....

  Besides all the boundary trampling in this story (grandma should have discussed this with the parents first), we have the added guilt of Jehovah's disapproval...of a clarinet!

  Perhaps how your brother can help is to discuss the sorts of freedoms she will have as an adult. That is, if the worst comes about and she is told to shelve her clarinet. Keep her clarinet for her for the day....
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  Gayle

  Hopefully your niece gets reinforcements from you and your brother. Both of you can support her emotionally to achieve her talents, freedom of mind and heart and self-confidence. Praising her and encouraging those extracurriculars and education is important now.
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  WTWizard

  The washtowel is rotten for preventing children from developing talents. They claim there will be the new order for that--why wait for then to enjoy life? They talk about balance, yet they stop children from doing things they like.

  Instead, they have to waste their lives pious-sneering. I believe it's extremely rare for a child to genuinely love going door to door so much that they will not miss other things. Such might exist, but it is so rare that I would expect to see the story in the Enquirer. For the extremely rare child that loves door to door that much, fine. However, for everyone else, developing one or more hobbies is beneficial. Even if it's "going to bring attention to the self".