How to make your exit with minimal pain while still living at home with your parents

by sseveninches 22 Replies latest jw experiences

  • sseveninches

    As requested, I've made a new thread with the info I posted on a previous thread. This is intended for young JWs who have woken up from their anesthesia but still cannot move, or in other words, have learned TTATT but are still living with parents and are afraid of getting kicked out if they make their opinions/findings known. I am included in this group of people, because I myself still live at home with parents. I have edited the info by adding new information.

    It's best to deal with your exit in phases. Taking immediate action may result in homelessness, or just a really difficult situation, especially if you're in college or haven't started college yet. Note that phases 3, 4, and 5 may overlap, or may be done out of order.

    Phase 1: Realize that "the truth" isn't really the truth. This is the period of shock, where you see that everything you've been taught is a lie. Reading up on helps a lot with getting your facts straight.

    Phase 2: Start making plans to get out of the JW world. It's very likely that no matter how you approach your parents with your discoveries, nothing will work, except getting yourself kicked out. To keep yourself from getting kicked out, wait until you have a reliable source of income, and you willingly want to move out.

    Phase 3: Make some quality friends outside of the JW world. In the event that you were to be kicked out, you'll need a good friend to fall back on temporarily. Even if you aren't kicked out, you'll need some people to socialize with, to fill the newly created void.

    Phase 4: Start living the life you actually want to live, even if it's only partially. Once you learn TTATT, there are certain things that you couldn't do before out of fear and guilt that you'll now be able to do. Some things will have to wait until you move out, but not others.

    Phase 5: Stop making friends inside the JW world, and distance yourself from current friends. This may be a bit difficult, especially if there are already some close relationships established. Be careful not to spill the beans with such people, because they will try to get it out of you (and then subsequently rat you out).

    Phase 6: Keep other JWs' expectations of you low. If you aren't a high-profile brother or sister, keep it that way. It will be much easier to reduce your hours in field service, and perhaps miss a meeting or two here and there. If you are currently a high-profile brother or sister (regular pioneer, regular auxilary pioneer, MS, elder, committee member, etc.), it may be a little more difficult. Start by backing out of these roles one by one, citing personal issues, school, work, or whatever you can say that won't raise any suspicions about you. Another thing that can help is to make comments that are borderline controversial - things like how we should focus more on the bible and not on the publications, how going to college is beneficial, or what the WT views are on some things that aren't well known, like how voting isn't forbidden, but merely a conscience matter (1 November 1999, page 28-29, questions from readers). While what you are saying is right, the congregation heavies (and hence the WT) doesn't like people thinking for themselves, encouraging people to test their beliefs, getting educated, etc. They'll probably remove you from any roles for saying these things.

    Phase 7: Wait. The first few phases will happen rather quickly, but this is where you'll be crying out in agony on the inside, since it's the longest phase of them all. Most young JWs are stuck at this phase. The hyprocrisy, the lies, the JW-speak at social gatherings, the field service - it will all kill you inside. But you have to endure it if you want this "operation" to go as smoothly as possible.

    Phase 8: Move out. The time has come - you're an adult, graduated from college (ideally), with a decent job, and ready to have your own place. You will no longer be under your parents' control, but your own. You can come and go as you please, buy anything you want, wear anything you want, and do anything you want.

    Phase 9: Exit. How you want to exit is up to you. Just remember - no matter how you do it, you will be shunned. Leaving with your whole family is ideal, but it will most likely not happen. But if you have a decent social network outside of the JW world, it shouldn't bother you (much). You can either slowly exit, or just leave in one shot. Considering that you've spent so much time making your exit, leaving in one shot is the best option.

  • NBird

    I'm only 16, and I've already promised myself I'm not going to stay in the organisation. I make sure my friendships in the congregation are limited.

    My dad has stopped going to meeting for many years , so getting into higher education shouldn't be that hard, it's just the elders who won't butt out of my family's lives.

    This post has helped me, especially phase 7. I only need to wait a few more years, until I can quit living a double life. I guess it could be worse.

  • BroMac

    NBird : Welcome. follow your dreams.

  • Medina

    I have done this 'leave the congo while living at JW parents house' scenario with great succes. I am 22 now, still living at my parents and studying on a university in Groningen, the Netherlands. My parents are diehard JWs but they didnt kicked me out of their home. I can tell my experience here later so anyone who's interesseted can take a look.

  • clarity

    My heart breaks!

    Every day we see more young people come on here ... trying to escape from the clutches

    of a cult. A cult that robs you of precious time. Pointless routine ...serving MEN.

    Serving The Watchtower Printing & Real Estate Co.!!!


    No way to leave graciously. No way out, except to spend more time

    carefully extricating yourselves from the tenticles that wrap you so tightly.


    I wish all of you ...godspeed, courage, success and ... FREEDOM


    edited to say A Big Welcome to NBird

  • Coffee House Girl
    Coffee House Girl

    Great guidelines, I wish I had come here before my exit...would've handled things differently. Its a good dose of reality for those frustrated and stuck at home with JW parents, and gives hope that there is a way out.

  • NBird

    Thank you, BroMac and clarity!!

  • jgnat

    Great list. I'll add one more:

    If you've managed to avoid it so far, delay baptism!

    I think the best way to endure this time is to have the plan. The plan represents freedom, a way out. When feeling trapped at home, having this plan will help your soul soar.

    This is so tough for JW youth, because it is natural to break away from the parents and start expressing your difference, your independence. But of course, this is an impassible mine-field for Witness raised youth.

  • mrsjones5

    " If you've managed to avoid it so far, delay baptism!"

    I so agree with that one.

  • DesirousOfChange

    Great list. I'll add one more:

    If you've managed to avoid it so far, delay baptism!

    YES! YES! YES! jgnat & mrsjones, you are sooooooooooo right!

    It is baptism that gives them power over you. They can take no strong action against someone who is only an "unbaptized publisher" other than removing that status or title. No big deal!

    This is why WTS is sooooo big on baptizing young children. If they can get them dunked BEFORE they start thinking about it all, then they already have their hooks in them when their questioning begins. Then they can threaten them with the loss of all their friends and most of their family.


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