Is Fading Emotionally Taxing? (page 4)

ziddina

Moshe....

That is priceless!!!

Aware, I wish I could say more to help. I guess I'd say, zone out when they're yakking about how "wonderful" it is being under god's protection, how great that last watchtower study/assembly/special talk was; smile blandly at everything and if you can keep a TOP SECRET diary in which to vent, express your frustration, whatever, but if you do so - make SURE no one else can read it!!!

You might even keep such a diary in the form of PM's to TRUSTWORTHY people on this board. Make sure you choose people who have been out for a long time, who are O-K with your exit plan, and who are flexible enough to let you have your say, move at your own speed and grow and awaken at your own pace.

I'd suggest Flipper, New Chapter, LouBelle, GLTirebiter, Undercover, Blondie, Lady Lee, jgnat, Scully, OUTLAW... People like that.

Oh, and if you don't mind venting to a meddlesome She-Devil, you can PM your diary/journal to me, too....

Keep in mind, the MAIN function of the PMs you write to them, will be for YOU to read over - as a record and a safe place for you to vent.

I sure hope this suggestion helps you keep your sanity...

By the way, can you send PMs to yourself??? I'll have to try that... That would be another safe way to keep a diary/journal.

Zid

ziddina

Well, hrumph!!!

I tried PM'ing myself, and got an error message.

Oh, well, it was worth a try...

moshe

"There are moments that define a person's whole life. MOMENTS in which everything they are and everything they may possibly become hinge on a single decision."
- Jonathan Maberry, Rot & Ruin

"The decision is mine, and I choose happiness"
- Malori Howell

"It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are."
- Roy Disney

"It does not take much strength to do things, but it requires a great deal of strength to decide what to do."
- Elbert Hubbard

"When faced with two equally tough choices, most people choose the third choice: to not choose.?"
- Jarod Kintz,

moshe

That JW brother was me over 30 years ago and the householder's question was a real one- and I lied, like all JWs do. The householder was an astute lady who saw the lie in my furrowed forehead- she came back with, "you need to stop lying ", and she shut the door on me. I think this was an epiphany for me- d2d service was a burden for me after that.

sseveninches

Aware, I've sent you a PM.

Also, I once thought that being in school for four years wouldn't get me appointed also, or that the elders were waiting for me to finish school. Either way, I was wrong, and I think it's because of a translation issue, which explains why the attitudes toward college vary. In english, going to college is referred to as "higher education", whereas in French, it's referred to as "grandes études", which literally means "long studies" in English. So because of the way it's translated, I (as well as most other French-speaking JWs, and maybe other languages too) thought of it as longer than normal college education - something like 5 years or longer. I saw the BOE letter that covered this though, and that cleared things up pretty quickly.

Aware!

Moshe: I hear you! A lot of brothers have told me how happier their lives have been since they learned the troof. One of them said that he still had the same problems but that at least he was happier now. Heck, I've never liked field service because I find it ineffective. If only I had astute householders in my area, lol. Thanks for the quotes.

Ziddina: I'm glad I go to a foreign language congo; it makes it easier to zone out and not pay attention. How do I pass the time? I read the Bible [without WT goggles on] and have my mag or book open to keep wandering eyes away. The diary in the form of PM's is a good idea. I'll start it on paper and maybe eventually it'll end up in of the posters you mentioned or your inbox. Thanks. :)

sseveninches: I don't remember how "higher education" is translated in pt. I haven't read any WT publications in pt in like a year or two. I read everything in English now and it makes it easier to remember what I read.

Coffee House Girl

At one point during my fading process I thought I was losing my mind or having a nervous breakdown, the fade turned into a "quick fade" when some people caught me hanging out with my worldly friend. The freak-out/pressure from the dubs became unbearable and I didn't know what else to do other than tell my family I was not comming back to meetings and avoid the elders like the plague.

If I had come to this forum before my exit...I would have done things a lot differently! It is good to for you to read what others have done and learn from our mistakes and successes. I would have moved to a different hall, got my record card transferred, gave a fake address, and split!

Best of luck!

CHG

flipper

I've faded for over 9 years now. I guess you can't really call it fading because I stopped attending meetings cold turkey in late 2003 and never went back. But I've been totally inactive a non-Witness since then. The only time it's ever stressful for me is if some bonehead JW's who are fanatics in my family try to infringe on my privacy or freedom of mind. But I don't live near any JW relatives so it usually doesn't happen. I'm living pretty stress free of any JW ism at present

ziddina

"Ziddina: I'm glad I go to a foreign language congo; it makes it easier to zone out and not pay attention. How do I pass the time? I read the Bible [without WT goggles on] and have my mag or book open to keep wandering eyes away. The diary in the form of PM's is a good idea. I'll start it on paper and maybe eventually it'll end up in of the posters you mentioned or your inbox. Thanks. :) " Aware, page 2

Hey, would you believe it??? That trick of PM'ing to myself WORKED!!! I got an error message when I sent the PM, but when I checked my inbox later on, - THERE was my PM to myself!!

A great way to make notes to yourself...

But if you feel comfortable venting to some of the people I've mentioned, I think they might be able to give you more insights...

Scully

Like Blondie says, fading is not intended to be a permanent situation. It's to help you transition from a JW existence to a non-JW existence.

You've already partially accomplished a fade by starting to further your education. You're meeting new people with similar interests who have no connection to the JWs. You're planning the next step of moving out of your parents' home and being on your own, away from your JW family's influence and control. If you're also working, you're expanding your network of non-JW acquaintances. You've got a couple more years of school ahead of you and have more opportunities to continue to cultivate new friendships and interests.

For the most part, a move away to attend school - one that takes you outside the Territory™ - will help you fly under the radar. Keep your Publisher Record Card™ there, and when you visit your family it won't hurt to sit through a Meeting™ on Sunday to keep the peace. You don't have to visit every week or every month, just sporadically. You could also plan your visit such that you have to get back to your place to finish up assignments and sadly have to cut your visit short / miss the Meeting™. If you aren't doing anything to make your family or other JWs suspicious (smoking, drinking, letting your hair / beard grow) just making that small amount of effort will keep the family happy and the Elders™ off your case. If the Elders™ ask for your Field Service Report™, give them one... you're pretty sure you talked to someone about JWs, right?? (Even if it's us... LMAO!!!) The point is to keep your relationship with your family as "normal" (i.e., what they are accustomed to) as possible until you are in a position to be completely independent of them.

My family started our fade with a move across town to facilitate my going to college. It worked out great - different Congregation™, different Circuit™. Nobody from our old KH expected to see us at the Circuit Assembly™ because of our move. If we met someone we knew, we always said that things were great and everything was going well. We never attended a Meeting™ again after that move, and it took years before any JWs we knew realized that we'd left, because they never gave us a second thought after we moved away. Our Publisher Cards™ were sent to the new KH, but nobody from there bothered to try to find us, and when JWs called at the door, I pretended to be just another random "Not Interested". In the meantime we were all making new friends, growing a new social circle and developing new interests, without the stress of the JWs pestering us to go back to the KH, or spying on us to catch us doing something they thought we shouldn't be doing.

Is Fading Emotionally Taxing?

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