Is Fading Emotionally Taxing?

by Aware! 41 Replies latest jw friends

  • Aware!


    Research a few denominations, and make a decision only after you are 100% certain you wish to follow that religious path. You might simply choose to

    remain unaffiliated after you become free from the witlesses.

    Something about being a witness makes you think all non-JW religions are bad. If I don't get over that, I doubt I'll join another religion unless for community support. At this point I'm considering deism.


    Your advice is sound. When I'm ready to DA I will see if I can plant any seeds of doubt. I do have a plan that might work. I'm an MS and was appointed while secretly being an appostate. I haven't blown my cover because I haven't asked any critical questions of the borg; I simply cannot afford getting kicked out now.

    @breakfast of champions:

    I'm still thinking about whether to fade or not, but I don't know if I'll be able to keep the charade up. I do plan to move far away, anyway, so time will tell.


    Accept that some family members and jws will turn away even if you aren't df'd or da'd.

    So true. If I get DF'd or I DA I will still be treated the same. My stepdad is an elder who firmly believes that shunning makes people come back to Jah's organization. Wait till he sees that shunning won't even faze me. Thank you for your list. I'm sure it will help others here who are in a similar situation.


    In my case I'm not close to any of my family members, but I do agree that it's still a critical choice nonetheless.


    What a clever way to turn the situation around! I think I haven't gone cuckoo because I'm in denial and force myself to believe it's the truth.

    P.S. I like dragons too! Now that I'm out I don't feel guilty. :)


    I sent a reply, thanks.

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite

    Any path out is going to be emotionally taxing one way or another. Just living a regular life can be emotionally taxing.

    "I think it helps if one has the right mind-set."

    Agreed. For me the fade has been like a chess match. I could plan lots of moves ahead, yet with each of my individual moves I had to wait and see the response. Lots of things happened along the way that I couldn't expect. It has often required that I had to think fast on my feet. However, the effort has been worth it for me... so far.

  • Balaamsass

    Some of the dynamic might be what OTHERS say to your step-dad to make HIM uncomfortable. Switching to another hall might help (Work schedule, School schedule, time for me to grow up! girls, friends - whatever.??), when you get to the new hall just tell the P.O. you have a heavy load with School and work and it is Impacting my personal would you mind holding off re-appointing me for now? Take trips out of town- to "Conventions"...

    This will save face for your step-dad. Get you out of being re-appointed. Keep people from noticing you. Start sitting near the back, arrive a bit late, leave a bit early at times so you are out of the "lime light". Turn in under 6 hrs of Field service. Answer less frequently. Do it slowly.

  • ziddina

    Hee hee!!

    Aw, shucks...

    T'warn't nothing... d

  • Aware!


    The thing is that not even being in college stopped me from being appointed. Probably because halls vary?? I will pursue a master's degree once I'm done with my bachelor's, move out, switch to another hall, and I will follow what you told me. You think going for my master's will disqualify me? Thanks.

  • dreamgolfer

    Brutal, I am seeing a Shrink now to help me deal with my issues and problems

  • 00DAD

    Aware!: My stepdad is an elder and he loves it, and I would hate to make him lose his position because it keeps him in check. He would take it out on me

    I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, but I would like to point out a major flaw in your thinking, a flaw which has been deliberately inculcated into your mindset by JW/WT "theology" and culture:

    1. It is NOT your responsibility to pretend to be someone you are not just so your stepdad can hold on to his precious, little title of Elder.

    The reality is that if you were DFd or DAd your stepdad might be removed as an elder. (They use the sanitized term: "deleted" ... how nice!)

    The reality is also that he might take it out on you. But you need to realize that the fact that the WT/JWs have these silly, manipulative and controlling rules does not require you to deny yourself and live a life of lies. That's their game. You do NOT need to forever play by the rules of their club if you don't want to.

    Now if your stepdad were to lose his "privileges" and take it out on you that would constitute abuse. (BTW, abusive men are automatically disqualified as elders anyways. So if he did that would only prove he shouldn't be an elder.) The fact that the threat of your stepdad "taking it out on you" is also a form of abuse. It is most certainly manipulative and controlling. Not loving at all and that's a fact.

    What a lovely little religion they've got.

    It takes courage to live your own life and to stand up for what you believe. JWs give a lot of lip service to that particular ideal but when push comes to shove they toss it aside for loyalty to the WTBTS instead of loyalty to truth, family and personal integrity.

    Let's review: It's a cult!


  • Aware!

    Brutal, I am seeing a Shrink now to help me deal with my issues and problems

    dreamgolfer- If only those of us who don't live in countries with socialized medicine could send a bill.

    00DAD- I get where you are going with this. You are right about me not being fully deprogrammed yet. Right now I'm in a vulnerable state where I need to reexamine my beliefs and worldview. When we were JWs we were told what and what not to think. We couldn't speak our minds and doubts lest we be labeled weak [spiritually]. We were all given the same to answer to preach, study the WT publications, and pray more along with waiting on Jehovah.

    BTW, abusive men are automatically disqualified as elders anyways. So if he did that would only prove he shouldn't be an elder.

    He swears, although not as much as he used to before he became an elder. Yet, no one in my family tells on him. Can profanity be considered verbal abuse? Funnily enough, the secret elder manual doesn't consider profanity a sin unless it involves obscenity. Do I care if he loses his 'privilege'? NO! Not anymore.

    I only have to play WT's silly game for two more years until I graduate and get my own place. Can I handle it? I hope so...

  • LongHairGal


    I suppose fading can be emotionally taxing for people who have extended family in or business associates and they have to put on an act.

    For somebody like myself who has no dealings and only about two 'friends' left I don't see that often, it has no effect. Many in the religion probably figure I am "out" and I get the 'cold shoulder' in public. This is a laugh because these people weren't my friends twenty-five plus years ago. I have "moved on" and have NO desire to know them.

  • moshe

    If all the JWs lie to themselves (they all do), nobody ever gets what they want out of life--

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