Should I help my wife get the kids ready?

by dazed but not confused 40 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  Miles3

  In a few month, your oldest kid will have figured out that his dad is going to die soon at Har-Maguedon, unless he returns to the KH and start worshipping Jehovah again. The meetings will tell him so, his mom will tell him so, and his social circle will tell him so. Heck, the Bible will tell him so!

  He'll also know that his dad's doubts are from Satan, and that if he wants to save his dad he should not listen to the critics his dad tells him about Jehovah and his organisation. He'll know he has to try his best to please Jehovah and give his best witness to his dad by his actions. Even if he'll find the meetings a bore, he'll want to chose them over any fun activity his dad wants to entice him away from Jehovah with. And he'll do that for you.

  You're in it for the long run, 20+ years at least. You can make them happy and fulfilling years for you and them, or you can risk having to dread every minute of them for the aggravation both your wife and your kids will give you. Having your wife look you as dead is an ordeal, wanna guess how it feels when it's your kids?

  Steve Hassan's Releasing the Bonds or his most recent book, Freedom of Mind, should be on your priority list. And maybe a book about teaching your kids critical thinking skills - they'll grow faster than you'll have time to think about it, and JW fear indoctrination doesn't wait for them to enter primary school. It's probably already started, what would any good JW mother tell her kid when he asks why dad doesn't come to meetings?
• 

  panhandlegirl

  As others have already stated, spend time with them now and establish a close relationship. They grow up fast and when they're in their teens they are more interested in their friends than in their parents. I think keeping them

  away from the KH meeting is not a bad idea. If they continue going to meeting, they will probably become jws. At the very least, if you let them go the the meeting, help your wife get them ready. They are your children.
• 

  botchtowersociety

  leavingwt - I have considered that. Being the head of the house and not letting them go. I'm just a little lazy and love my time away from them.

  Huh?

  Is it just me or is this really messed up?
• 

  mrsjones5

  Its not just you Burns.
• 

  diamondiiz

  I would suggest that one of the kids stay home with you, alternating between the two. It won't be as much work as having both of them.

  Good advise, I thought something along the lines that if you help kids to go the meetings and don't have a problem with that then your wife may see that you're the one with the problem and you know it deep inside.

  Another thought that was brought up here not that long ago was when a child told one of their parents that they will soon die by God. If you stand back and allow the cult to absorb your kids you may have problems down the road. How long will it be that the kids will recognize you being the bad influence on their life because you don't go to meetings, you don't love Jehoover... Kids pick up on these sort of things especially when they're exposed to it on regular basis.

  There is no guarantee your wife will leave wts or wts mentality. Mine stopped with wts but I can't get that cult mentality totally out of her - it's her heritage as she puts it and doesn't think it's all that bad even though she knows it's false and doesn't believe it any more.

  ex. When she visited her family last she wanted to bring my daughter to the kh for the sake of her mother, well I put a stop to that! No, need for fake dubs to sing praises about the baby only to curse her later because she'll never be a dub.

  Another rough time is coming down the road for you if you decide the kids should not believe wts or you start telling the kids TATT, if your wife doesn't wake up, only one of you will have to give in and I doubt it will be her.
• 

  outsmartthesystem

  "According to JW theology, you're the head of the household. You can insist that she not take your children to the Kingdom Hall."

  That's not true. She can claim "spiritual endangerment" of the kids and would have organizational support of separating from him. Maybe not divorcing but at least separating. Head of the household argument only applies if you are supportive or indifferent to the JWs. If you do anything to oppose....your status of "head of the house" goes out the window
• 

  Cagefighter

  I personally would allow them to go only on Sunday. No FS, mid week meetings, etc. As they grow older that gives you a card to play when they want to go to dances, be in plays, try out for football, go to college. Absolutely no consideration of baptism till they are 18. All that normal stuff that makes a person a well adjusted member of society.

  This is a poker game and you can't count on her changing, you married a JW chick bro. You better get your game face on for your kids. They will either thank you when they graduate college and have their own family or they will shun you when they are a 40 yearold single, pioneer/window washer. It's your choice.
• 

  outsmartthesystem

  Help her around the house. Spend time with your kids. Be a good dad and a good husband. You owe them that. But no.....I would not help them get ready. If your wife asks why I would respectfully explain why. If she has a problem with it ask her if she will help you get them ready to take them to a Catholic church next week.
• 

  King Solomon

  "There is no guarantee your wife will leave wts or wts mentality. "

  And more likely, it's a good guarantee that it will in fact achieve the exact opposite.

  Look at it from her perspective: she goes to meetings and gets out of the house to socialize with adults (as it may be), some others who are quite willing to hold a little one on their lap for her, etc. Compare that to a hubbie who even refuses to help them get dressed?

  Youre making the decision quite easy for her: she'll pick the JWs anyday over a husband who wants to claim "head of the household" male bigotry status, but doesn't actually care about putting on the pretenses or going thru the motions associated with playing that game.

  If you want her to leave the JWs, you should at least offer her a sense that she has a good reason to do so, and you're just not going to hang her out to dry on her own.....
• 

  dazed but not confused

  Thank you all for your advice and constructive criticism. it helps.

  I can certainly see a lot of you guys here have been burned really bad.