Should I help my wife get the kids ready?

by dazed but not confused 40 Replies latest jw experiences

  • GrandmaJones

    I hope you're not done reading our comments, as I'd like to add my two cents. This sound a little harsh, but it's wake up time... What would you do if your wife wanted them to become Moonies? Scientologists? Branch Davidians? People's Temple? Would you even ASK the question about whether or not to help them get dressed for a cult meeting? An indoctrination meeting? I think you need to take a hard look at what the consequences of your decision is going to be. As another poster pointed out, your three year old is being indoctrinated now to view you and your advice to them (all of their lives) as tools and instruments of Satan.

    I sincerely have never understood how people so often choose their spouses over their children. The Watchtower Society mentally abuses children, and if this were physical abuse, ask yourself what you would do.

    Let me give an EXTREME example. (I am not comparing this as apples to apples, so don't be offended. I merely use something extreme to drive the idea across.) Yesterday I read in the news about a father "waterboarding" his eleven year old daughter. His wife watched. Both have been arrested. No, she didn't participate, but she permitted it, because she took no action to prevent it! And of course, she deserves to have her children removed from her care because she has failed to protect them.

    Your wife isn't waterboarding anyone, of course, but the point is, if you know that something is dangerous to your kids, will you protect them, or will you choose your mate?

  • NewChapter

    You dont love them anyway

    Well this was quite harsh. It's a tough spot to be in, and if you are in the US, chances are all the court appearances in the world won't keep you kids out of the KH. Your wife is in a divided household now, and she is supposed to get the kids ready with no complaint and cheerfully to be a good witness to you. Then she can brag about it on stage-----I've seen this scenario a bunch of times. The faithful sister brags how she always has the house in order so the hubby can't complain, dinner on the table for him, and the kids cleaned and dressed and ready for the meeting with only Jah's help to sustain her, because her evil husband does not help.

    So if you'd like to give her bragging rights, this helps. I personally would not lift a finger to allow any of my children through those doors. In fact, I'd offer to keep them home with me. Your babies are being raised in a cult, with or without you. You need to think about prioritizing your goals. As head of household, you can put your foot down, but that will mean caring for the children while your wife goes. So what is important to you? What are the benefits and risks of each decision? Technically she would not have grounds to leave you, but they are good at getting around technicalities. If she does leave and take the children, you will have a lot less control.

    No easy answers, I suppose.

  • moshe

    Aw, help out one time-- can babies wear tee shirts to the KH?

  • BluesBrother

    I guess that if it were me, I would probably help out.....but , I would never round them up and say that they Have to go. That would going too far. If they did not want to go, look after them and watch Sparlock vid asking some suitable questions to plant doubts in their mind, the questions that your wife does not want to hear. When they get older, ask them about the meeting, what they heard what they liked or didn't.

    Get them talking about the faith and subtly ask them to ask the questions that dubs do not want their kids to ask - teach them to think...

    I was raised in a divided home. My dad let us go along, never asked about it , never put his point of view over ....Now that I am grown up and left it , I would love to have him back and ask why he just let us grow up in a religion that he could see was wrong???

  • jamiebowers

    First of all, I can understand your comment about having some time away from your kids. I think it's normal, and you don't want to be a helicopter parent, hovering over your kids all of the time. But that being said, your kids are being raised in a cult, so a little more than average hovering is probably a good idea. So why not split the difference between what Billy and Cagefighter said?

    How about neither kid goes to the week night meeting or field service, and both attend the Sunday talk? Help her get them ready for that, and you'll still have your alone time. Of course, all the while, you should be teaching them TTATT and critical thinking skills.

    If they were my kids, I'd take the hard line by giving their jw parent copies of the Candace Conti verdict along with other evidence of the Watch Tower's filthy record on child molestation and forbid them from being around jws without my supervision. But that might be because the elders and my jw mom protected my molester when I was a child.

  • loosie

    This is what I would do. I would help her get them ready for meetings, and tell her that if she insists on taking them to the meetings, you as the head of the house insist that the family celebrate holidays. That way either way you win. if she takes and you celebrate christmas the kids get to see the other side of life ( holidays) and if she won't let you celebrate holidays with them they don't go to the meetings to get indoctrinated.


  • jgnat

    Loosie, these tit-for-tat arrangements with the JW spouse rarely least for me. I concede an event, and then when it rolls around to mine, he has a "fit of conscience". He reneges all the time. Now I work on guilt points, or get mine in first.

  • loosie

    it works for me and my husband. If he wants to go to a certain place for lunch and I don't I go with him and then next lunch I get to choose... I thought that was being fair and compromising.

  • dreamgolfer
  • stapler99

    No, why the heck should you!? This just makes it look like you are agreeing with your wife that the children should attend the meeting.

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