need your advice again, please
by outsmartthesystem 65 Replies latest jw friends
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cyberjesus
Tell her you are afraid of talking to the elders or NY ... because the WT doesnt allow questions.... shut up... let her talk... wait till she refutes that and denies that..... tell her you love her and you cant risk getting labeled rebel just for asking questions.... do the same let her talk......
She will deny it again... then ask her to write the letter on her name... or that you would talk to the elder as if she has the same questions...
and let her talk.... she will be trapped in her own predicament... if questioning is not bad she can join you in your search. if it is then you are right for not wanting to talk to the elders.
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leavingwt
"I don't owe you anything."
It sounds like she no longer wants to be married.
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yknot
leavingwt......
She sounds like a typical desperate, defensive, frustrated, fearful and fully indoctrinated Sister scared out of her mind and looking at him as if he is possibly demon possessed....she still loves him or she would have turned him into the Elders, packed and moved out to her father's house.
Her whole world is JW....and majority of us remember how that used to feel. Being a JW meant life over death.
Patience and perserverance could pay off.
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whathappened
Yknot gave some excellent advice. I would also give this issue time to breathe. Stop going to meetings and concentrate on writing your thesis.
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GrandmaJones
I don't know how anyone can lead a double life. It would be so terribly hard on a person. My personal opinion is that you have a moral obligation to try and get your family out, particularly your children. I can't give advice on just how to accomplish that, it's up to you to decide the best way to proceed. I am so glad your family is leaving and is supportive. Perhaps their exit will also be convincing to your wife. All you can do is weigh your options, decide whether or not you can accept the possible repercussions of your decisions, and act accordingly. You sound like a good husband and father; only you know what to do, and I sincerely wish you the best.
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outsmartthesystem
I've been down so many different roads but haven't give you all many updates. Maybe that's my problem. Maybe I've tried too many approaches.
"also add that you know now that it is possible that you may have been led astray and her 'fresh eyes' might bring discernment. .....(this way she gets exposed to your findings via direct research articles etc and yall get to calmly and rationally discuss the merits of such and what should and shouldn't go into the letter."
Believe it or not.....I tried that. She has seen every bit if research I've put into the 607BC thing. Her only response is "I still think you're wrong."
Go very slowly .......make sure she knows exactly what we believe and when we started believing it (include previous versions and dates changed- better yet have copies of the WT publications showing the changes) about whatever topic yall are approaching.
if questioning is not bad she can join you in your search.
She believes that the devil is a deceiver.....continually making himself into "an angel of light". Therefore she most certainly will not join me in my search because that is exactly how Satan tricks people into becoming apostates.
It sounds like she no longer wants to be married.
She's teetering on the edge. She views herself as a wonderful christian who has displayed immense long suffering for putting up with me thus far already.
Perhaps their exit will also be convincing to your wife
I wish. Unfortunately when she finds out....she'll think we've all been in cahoots together to plan this. She doesn't get along real well with my family....and she'll view this as the reason why. She'll say "THAT'S why. The truth was never in their hearts".
She won't do that. She is perfectly happy with her head in the sand. When I offer to research with her from our very own literature to see what was being taught and when it was being taught she refuses to join me. Her response is "I already know all of it so there's no point." Even if I play dumb and ask her to help me understand what she knows because obviously I have a different understanding than she does....she simply says "No. Call the elders". In regard to 1914, she said she remembers reading a very old pre-1914 WT in which Russell predicted that WW1 would begin in 1914. I implored her to help me find that article. She got angry and refused. That's when she told me "I don't owe you anything". She told me to go find it myself. She won't do intensive research because she knows she'll find things she can't explain.
She sounds like a typical desperate, defensive, frustrated, fearful and fully indoctrinated Sister scared out of her mind and looking at him as if he is possibly demon possessed....she still loves him or she would have turned him into the Elders, packed and moved out to her father's house.
I think you are exactly right. For now anyways
She will deny it again... then ask her to write the letter on her name... or that you would talk to the elder as if she has the same questions...
She has already suggested this. She offered to write a letter herself asking my questions to prove to me that "the elders aren't out to get anyone". She truly believes they are there to help and are guided by God. And that once they begin speaking I'll see the light. She has no idea what happens when a person doesn't accept politician type non-answers.
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outsmartthesystem
I tried to edit that last one but it didn't work so well
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Ding
Suggestion:
Have your wife preview the questions you send it and get her agreement that they are important and that your tone is respectful.
Otherwise, when they don't answer she'll assume it was YOUR fault instead of theirs.
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yknot
Outsmart....
As a Sister.... I start to hear menfolk talk 607 and my eyes roll back in my head.....
Pick a different subject.....one that is 'Sister friendly'
Really we don't care about 607 as a gender (well majority of us)
How about 1914.....when did we start preaching 1914 as enthronment vs parousia? Holy Spirit, when was it removed and returned?
or....
Tell her how much you love her and want family happiness......suggest a trade off studying current WTs for her and you doing a 'couple's study' begining with Russell/Barbour......work your way through Rutherford..... I would be surprised if she made it to 1975 without waking up....
Yes the suggestion is time consuming.....
Encourage her by going back and pulling out the suggestions when we first switched to the Family Worship Night.....talk about creating a JW trivia game......how are the kiddos suppose to re-enact old time dubbies if yall as a couple don't know what they were up too!