How do stop myself getting too Bitter?

by stuckinarut2 36 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Simon

  Talking about your feelings and experiences is definitely good whether that is online with 'anonymous' support or face-to-face with friends.

  I think the key thing is not to try to seek revenge. You need to let go of the negative anger and channel it into productive endeavours.

  No one will ever bring the WTS down. A religion of a large enough size is pretty indestructible and the WTS may have some less than successful years but it has enough people and money to sustain itself regardless of whether it can be show to be right or wrong.

  Trying to damage it only damages ourselves and further hurts our own lives. Don't fall for those who are very vocal about cheering people on to try and fight - they do not have your best interests at heart, they just want to use you as an expendable pawn in their revenge game.

  The irony is that if you focus on trying to help others by being supportive and providing information then it's actually the one thing that is possibly most effective in inflicting some hurt toward the WTS. Making it easy for people to leave is the most threatening thing to them.
• 

  Hold Me-Thrill Me

  I don't know if time is a healer but I do know that as time passes new growth starts to show. After a forest fire new growth does occur.
  

  I lost my wife recently to death but I lost her long before to her new way of thinking. She became a staunch exJW leaving both the religion we were married in and me as well. Though we continued living in the same house she withdrew and could not understand why I decided to remain in our religion. I did not like the idea of her leaving the JWs but I was fine with it if, if, we could somehow have peace at home. But peace flew out the window when my beloved wife, the woman of my life, started looking at me as one who was a traitor, false to all she had come to know and believe. When she looked at me she no longer saw me but the Watchtower and all she had come to dislike or even hate including the Bible.

  We took our marriage vows in the Kingdom Hall but suddenly a new vow became operative a vow that led her to believe that "truth" was the only important thing and that truth found outside the Watchtower was the only truth in her life. I became a relic of a past life, a fading shadow.

  She had moved on without me and I found myself angry, bitter and alone though we slept in the same bed.

  How I loved that woman! How I still love her!

  We will meet again and embrace, of this I'm sure. I was not always able to give her the support she needed and she did not understand why I could not follow her out and so bitterness became our bed partner.
  

  I am using my wife's email account which she proudly named "exjw" and find myself somehow close to her while posting here though she would know that my heart is still in the JW religion. I cannot walk her walk but I am nonetheless finding peace in accepting her life and her choices. Both of which she was free to make.
  

  For my Diana.
  
• 

  whathehadas

  If you don't have anger or resentment because of a experience of mistreatment or being taken advantage of.....you're not human. Since this is not the case, don't ask yourself how can you not be bitter but what can you learn from it?
• 

  Vidiot

  stuckinarut2 - "How do stop myself getting too bitter?"

  Liquor.
• 

  Xanthippe

  Stuck, I know how you feel, we all struggle with this. The way I cope is I think there are so many ways to screw up your life or have it screwed up for you by circumstances, not just being in a cult.

  Being born to rubbish parents, being born in a war zone, being born into poverty in a developing country, being depressed because of circumstances in our life and trying drugs and becoming an addict or catching AIDS. What has happened to us is recoverable from. Given time and work. Or should I say we can survive it and live a happy life.

  People are born into circumstance beyond their control, thinking globally and studying history has taught me this. Not everyone has a mind open enough to cope with this idea but from reading and liking many of your posts I think you do.

  We could stay angry and bitter for the rest of our lives but if we do that they win. I refuse to let this cult win.

  Take care of yourself xx
• 

  Phizzy

  I am far from expert in this, but when I first left and then learned TTATT I was angry, sad, regretful, frustrated, and yes, bitter.

  I was bitter about a wasted life, one which could have been so fulfilled by being useful to my fellow man, a life in which I could have ben properly educated, and could have made far better provision for my old age, and that of Mrs Phizzy.

  I have decided long ago that thinking about "might have beens" is not just a waste of time but destroys the soul.

  I think it is good just to hang on to a little of the anger that is felt toward the leadership of the JW "religion", so as to be prepared and willing to spike their guns where possible.

  But I think it is vital to learn to move on to the point where you are not just an XJW, but an EX- XJW, when any move you make against the evil JW/WT is only motivated by the same emotion as you might well use in working against an evil like I.S.I.S.

  The past is gone, let go of it as much as you can, learn to love the life you have, and to live it to the full.
• 

  pbrow

  Hey stuck...

  Not sure of your exact situation but my opinion is to make a clean break. Just DA and get out of dodge. No relationship is worth losing your personal freedom over. When I woke up I told my mother I would stay in for her sake but I was not going to hide anything. That lasted for about 6 months until I got a knock on the door from two caring elders. I had it out w/ them and formally notified them of my intention to leave.

  If you formally leave you dont have to hide your personal beliefs and you dont have to play any fucked up games w/ people who will ditch you in a moments notice. Personal freedom over ALL else.

  good luck

  pbrow