I believe Sparlock Hath Cast a Voodoo-like Illness Upon Me

by LostGeneration 14 Replies latest jw friends

  • LostGeneration

    Yes I have failed to post a single comment on a Sparlock thread to this point, thus incurring the wrath of the demonic, magical wizard. My symptoms include:

    102.7 Fever

    Arms and shoulders ache

    Explosive diarrhea


    Pus-filled lesions all over

    More hangnails than usual

    What shall I do to please Sparlock and have this evil spell removed?

  • slimboyfat

    Well I hope you mend your ways.

  • still thinking
    still thinking

    Lets pray together LostGeneration....that'll sort it

  • DT

    Starting this much needed thread should help you regain his favor.

    We already knew that Sparloch could make Jehovah sad, but now we have anecdotal evidence that he can cause fever, diarrhea, rashes and various other ailments.

  • GeneM

    I can't help but think that this will be referred to as "The Great Sparlock Incident of 2012" on the board years from now...

  • Knowsnothing

    LostGeneration, explosive diarrhea is a blessing upon you. You fail to recognize the many blessings Sparlock has imparted.

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite

    These symptoms should only appear on a meeting night. He afflicts voodoo-like illnesses for an excuse to skip meetings.

  • LostGeneration

    Though in an obviously weakened state, I have taken the advice mentioned and petitioned Sparlock in prayer for forgiveness. I have taken two Advil and will report back in the morning if my condition allows.

    Please continue to keep me in your prayers to Sparlock..


  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite

    May Sparlock Strengthen You!


    May Sparlock Succor You!

  • breakfast of champions
    breakfast of champions

    LOSTGENERATION - I am so sorry this evil has befallen you! But I must confess, that I MYSELF have caused this great trouble upon you. . .

    You see, I had to fill out health insurance renewal paperwork for my family, and TOOK A CENSUS OF MY FAMILY MEMBERS and reported them (2). . .

    Sparlock became incensed, his anger flared, and he offered me three choices:

    1) turn my wife into a pillar of coarse-grained Dijon mustard

    2) really bad commute for seven weeks

    3) smite a member of JWN with fever, rash, lesions, explosive diarrhea and super-deadly hangnails forever. . .

    So far the traffic seems fine and my wife made hot dogs for dinner.

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