Share the REAL truth?
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No thank you.
I'm not really the sharing kind.
Thanks I finally figured it out. So here we go:
My husband and I are attempting to leave the org quietly. However, I seem to need to do research to answer the doubts I always had. What I am finding is obviously astonishing and I want to share it with my husband he seems hesitant to hear what I have to say or listen to any outside info himself. He says he is not afraid of the whole "apostacy" thing. It is worth noting that he was not raised as strictly as I was so maybe it as simple as he says to just walk away. Here is my question/dilemma: Should I be concerned that he is so hesitant to hear the facts and he “almost” seems to defend the “outsiders” claims? Example: He requested that I do not talk to him all about the pedophilia evidence because “that is in every religion”. He is concerned that I will become “a wacko”. In my opinion, it seems insensitive to ignore the wickedness that these acts and the cover ups are guilty of. They simply are not reported and members are NOT warned, it is criminal to me! To actually make a victim be asked to keep quite or insinuate that it must be there fault … it so damaging on an already horrendous situation. I literally cry for these victims when I hear these stories. I am also concerned that if he does not acknowledge the REAL truth then he may be pledged with guilt down the road. He made it clear that he will never become part of another organized religion again which I am fine with but I do think that there is truth out there somewhere…it just takes proper research. Oh, BTW-He will sometimes ask me additional questions when we are discussing these topics so I kindly say it takes research and I can do that for him but it might help if he sought out some of those answers for himself. It is good he shows a little curiosity which tells me he does and will have normal questions. Am I out of line suggesting that he does “independent thinking and research”, isn’t this the exact issue that some people avoid and they get sucked back into the org if they don’t?
It is quite possible that it does not really matter to him. My wife never really was too concerned about the doctrine when in it, and not at all interested now that she is out. However, since she is not convinced it is wrong, I do fear she may one day return for friends/family or some other reason. One thing to be aware of is if you push him, he will resist, get annoyed and think you are wacko.
Why does you husband want to leave? It is concerning that he defends it still, and is not interested in researching, but there must be some reason that he is fading. If he simply cannot be bothered with it, stick in there and slowly keep educating him, as until he knows why it is not the truth there is risk he will return.
Another thing, don't harp on about things that don't concern him, such as pedophilia. The reasons that people think it is the truth, and the reasons that they leave, vary greatly. Something critically important for you may not mean anything to him. Find out what is important to him and then discuss those areas.
Thank you very much JWFacts. I think you are exactly right. When the time is right I will ask why he wants to leave. Your logic to simply ask him why he wants to leave will hopefully tell me what is in his heart/mind. I suppose that I just simply overlooked this direct question because we have discussed a multitude of subjects and sometimes being in the middle of it you forget to do that. I will keep you posted as to his response if you are interested.
Have a great day!
Good luck Nics ! and WELCOME by the way,
I hope you and your husband leave together, it does not seem to matter that you are both on the same page, my wife and I still are not, but she was happy to leave when I legged it, and she is still happy we did, she has done no research of her own yet, due to work and personal circumstances.
I think along the same lines as you, that if she did find out and prove it for herself it would be so much more powerful than her listening to my findings, but at least she listens for as long as she can bear to, about 5 seconds on average !
One day she may do her own finding out, I have found she asks more as time has gone on, and I am able to reinforce her decision to leave, the big pull for her would be all the friends, and some family, that we have had to leave behind, she misses the social side a bit. She is building new friendships though, so even that is not too much of a problem.
All the best to you and the "old man", and remember, we are here and happy to give any advice and help you may need.
One day while I was holding down three positions and pioneering where the need was great with my wife.......I came to the conclusion that the 'truth' wasn't. This was in the 1960's so not much information was available. I read Eric Hoffer's the True Believer which explained why people believed. But mostly I stopped believing in the bible as god's inspired words...then I stopped believing that god cared and finally that god didn't exsist. I did a lot thinking and that's where I wound up.
When I told my wife I no longer believed and wanted to leave she said good, that she had never believed, she had stuck with it because of me. We were married for about 2 years at that time and we pioneered together. She just considered it part of her life style from the age of 13 on.
Even now 4 decades later she isn't interested in any doctrines or even J.W gossip hasn't looked at this site or read a book about cults. By the way we have and continue to have a great life. To each their own.
There can be pedophiles in most every religion, and I used to think it was not a JW-specific problem. But research done mainly by Barbara Anderson and accounts galore on Silent Lambs and on this forum show what the huge problem with JW's is: the way they hide it and worry more about the organization and it's appearance before any concern for victims. You seem to get the idea of the problem.
But I get what he's saying about becoming a "whacko." He wants to walk away and not be obsessed (or have you obsessed) with the organization's faults.
Still, listen to jwfacts above. He makes good points about not enough concern about it.
Consider the following: Tell him you will consider just walking away if he reads Ray Franz' CRISIS OF CONSCIENCE. If he is sure it is not the truth, maybe not being JW and not being busy being ex-JW's will be good for you both. Or maybe something there will hit a nerve if he reads and he will spend more time being an ex-JW.