I wanted to tell my story for sometime. I've been a member of JWN for a few months and a lurker even longer. Here's my story.
Let me start by explaining my username. Sheep2slaughter is not a violent username. It's based on the idea that the elders/organization claim to shepherd the sheep. But instead of shepherding in a loving way, they browbeat the sheep into submission. They preach love, the identifying mark of true Christians, but don't practice it. They preach love but promote discord. This leads the sheeples to a vain form of worship. So in those ways they slaughter the sheep. Okay, now that that's out of the way, here goes my story. I am a born in. All of my siblings, my mother and father, are/were all witnesses. I have always struggled to obey the organization fully. Mostly because I'm a fairly intelligent person that doesn't need to be told what to do in every instance. As I continue my story you'll see that this intelligence has its limits have been me and my butt a few times. I was baptized at the tender rage of 13. Mostly because that's what you're expected to do. Prior to that my parents divorced, with my mom committing adultery and being disfellowshipped and my dad remaining in the organization. I have siblings that presently serve as elders and pioneers, I have one that disassociated. One parent that's dead and one parent that hates the organization. My wife is an active publisher that pioneered for a couple years and serves regularly as auxiliary pioneer. She is a very good woman in the true sense, not just the distorted organizational view. Two years ago my life was an much turmoil. My relationship with my wife was under a lot of strain and I committed a grave badness that I am not proud of. I cheated. I was hateful and mean to my wife after this was discovered. Easily the darkest and lowest point of my life. I had a huge attitude with the elders and was promptly disfellowshipped. Because of my family circumstances and the love that I have for some of my family that remain in, I decided it would be best to be reinstated. It took more than a few letters requesting reinstatement but recently I was reinstated. Well disfellowshipped I did a lot of thinking. I repented nearly immediately. I hated what I had done to my family and my wife. It was wrong and I regret it deeply. I am a moral person that did a really bad thing. I have made peace with what I did and am committed to being good to my family and any I come in contact with or influence. INCLUDING worldlys, thusly going directly against the WTs ,"say you love people but treat them like crap" philosophy. That simple shift in thinking, to love people sincerely, has been the best choice I've made in my life. Any strained relationships I had prior to that shift, have blossomed and bettered just by me making that change and abandoning Watch Tower policy. Now here comes the trouble. I'm reinstated(guess the Holy Spirit skipped my JC meeting that day) but want to fade. It's difficult because my wife is hard-core JW. I had many duties while in the organization. Now that I'm reinstated there is tremendous pressure to get back on track as they put it. I'm not worried about the pressure from the congregation. I will play the depressed card(no offense to those truly depressed intended). Even though I am a very outgoing and happy person I will still just say I'm depressed. I know how to keep my mouth shut and not say anything incriminating. There are tons of threads that give advice on fading and helping others to see the truth about the truth. I have looked at many of them and will continue to look. This post was just to tell everybody a little bit about me and where I'm coming from. Love you guys! Thanks for being the only people I can be truly honest with.