Setback

by EdenOne 91 Replies latest jw experiences

  • EdenOne
    EdenOne

    I saw this coming since my mother-in-law's funeral ...

    The congregation's "love-bombing" over my wife had its impact. I watched her drawing closer and closer to her friends in the congregation. Then she decided she would attend the memorial. I went with her. Soon she informed me that she was planning to go back to the meetings, but couldn't find herself doing field service again. Soon she told me she had decided to have a "recovery bible study" with a Bethel heavy sister (a nice couple, btw). Soon, she started to attend all meetings, her attitude towards me began to change too, much more cold and distant, almost as if I was the "enemy". Then she told me she was tired of hearing me talk against the Organization and asked me to not bring that subject up again. Today she told me she will accompany one sister on the ministry again, a bible study. So, she's back into the garbage bin.

    I'm gutted. I wouldn't feel any worse if she had spat in my face, after all we both went through. She told me she doesn't care the Organization is right or wrong, she just wants to be back. Naturally, I must respect her decision and her freedom to do what she wants, but I'm devastated. As I said several times in this forum, beware of the emotional pull from the congregation. It's really powerful, and now I can see just how much. Interesting bit, although she says she feels very good to be back, she is clearly depressed.

    Part of the problem is that she had an emotional fallout with the Organization because of the child abuse cases, but she never took the time to investigate all other areas where the Organization had failures, wrong predictions, reversed teachings, revisionism, bad conduct from its leaders, the scandals etc. She never strengthened her resolve to investigate if the Bible was really the word of God. So, when the emotional stress intensified, she caved in.

    So, here we are again, a religiously divided household. How tragically sad. Sometimes I wish I would die.

    Eden

  • Stumpy
    Stumpy

    I'm so sorry EdenOne. That sucks. You were right when you said to me a few days ago how powerful the pull is! If we were close by I'd pick you up and take you out for a or

  • cappytan
    cappytan

    I am sorry man. I can only imagine how disappointing this must be for you.

    That's my biggest fear in this whole mess...that my wife will decide it's not worth going down the rabbit hole any farther and climb back out.

  • CloseTheDoor
    CloseTheDoor
    EdenOne, I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this. I wish the best for both of you and hope that she sees something in the Organization that will help her snap out of it and see the "truth" for what it actually is.
  • KateWild
    KateWild

    Eden, this is really saddening. I am so sorry. It's the thing I worry about the most with my kids that they go back. I hope you can still have a happy marriage and go out and do fun things together.

    Kate xx

  • done4good
    done4good

    Tough one.

    Humans are social creatures, and likely the congregation is her social outlet. That would explain the "doesn't care and wants to be back", attitude.

    The fact is, most people do not approach either their beliefs or how they choose or choose not to practice them logically, as a first instinct. JWs are really no different in this approach. Her first instinct is to have social surroundings, and she feels the congregation gives her that.

    Feeling type personalities are almost doomed to choose how they feel with respect to the social aspect, over logical argument. Thinking types fair a little better. I would still estimate maybe only 20% of those that actually quit attending actually perform the proper analytical steps to allow then to overcome whatever existential fears they are experiencing by no longer attending, be it social or otherwise.

    Sadly, many are potential targets to go back because of this, even if they are out for years, or even decades, (I have seen this firsthand).

    d4g

  • EdenOne
    EdenOne

    Two things hurt the most: the look in her eyes when she looks at me as if I was the very impersonation of evil. Also, the fact that she chooses as friends the very same people that ignore me because I'm inactive. That tells me a lot where our marriage is on her list of priorities.

    Eden

  • WingCommander
    WingCommander

    Sounds to me from your last post, that you know exactly what needs to be done, and it does NOT include suicide.

    DIVORCE.

    You are dead last in her list of priorities. That is NO way to live!

    Set her free and move on with your life. You'll both feel better. Then, when she finds some a-hole Elder to marry, she'll soon find out just how good she had it with you.

    Cults suck balls.

  • _Morpheus
    _Morpheus

    Eden, i cannot press the "like" button when someone says they want to die. Ive learned through others mistakes that its not always hyperbole or 'just an expression'. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Dont ever waste something so precious as YOUR life. Dont ever hurt those that love you in such final, drastic way.

    I have been and still am in a similar situation. I spent three years playing tug of war with my wifes cult feelings. I tried and tried. I would get her outside interests to help ease her away and distract her. I would drop nuggets of truth about the truth. I would do everything i could to make our family more appealing than the cult. In the end its what she knows and it takes its toll. I havnt ever been able to make permanent progress and frankly its gotten worse. The return to the cult is like going back to a drug. Shes more addicted everytime she gets sucked back in.

    While we all want to believe that every jw is brainwashed and would wake up if they were presented with just the right aspect of TTATT, the real truth is: its also a choice. Some people LIKE the cult. some people WANT the cult and we simply cannot force them to see it our way. Accepting that is just as much truth as learning that the org isnt gods representative on earth.

    I feel your pain, in my own way, i live your pain, in my own way. nobodys life is without regret and sorrow. Dont ever give in to it. You have the power to make choices and live happy despite whatever obstacles there may be. Choose to keep fighting for her or choose to let her be a jw bit whatever choice you make i hope its to choose to keep living!

  • ToesUp
    ToesUp

    Wow...so sorry EdenOne.

    This cult has a strong social pull. Nothing else. We have seen this before.

    Just remember, if these "loving" people have let her down before, they WILL do it again.

    Hang in there.

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