by usualusername 21 Replies latest jw friends
After my "episode" about 6 weeks ago, my doctor has recommended counselling. I cannot wait.
99% of the time I am too busy with my life to give a flying f**k. But just got a voicemail today and it thru me off balance.
Thx everyone. just need to vent. Who else will listen at 5:32 am?
dear usualusername, change your phone number and forget she ever existed. You can't choose your family, but you sure as hell can get away from the crazy ones.
Take it from me: DON'T HATE. I'm sure she deserves it, but you do not. You deserve tolet if go and be able to say "she did these things to me, they were wrong, but I am ok" and not care about her cruelty. I know it will take awhile. Just do it for yourself..
Don't mothers seem to have an extraordinary ability to alienate their sons and daughters somehow? More so than fathers in my experience.
After spending many years in talk therapy groups, mothers came in for the bulk of criticism. And that includes rape and incest victims.
I came to hate my mother too but my wishy-washy step-father didn't warrant any expense of emotion.
I refused to contact her until the day I saw her dead in hospital.
Now I'm approaching her age at death and I have more life experience, I can understand her behaviour a little but I don't need to excuse her. I don't hate her anymore.
JWN can be a good start for talking. Talk to a professional.
Best wishes, UUN.
Pete
It only costs about two dollars to one of those find people sites to find out addresses, phone numbers, and even relatives. It was worth it to me just to know what was happening, whether relatives were still alive or not.
The knowledge does not change the dysfunctional relationship. My sister talks to me, lives five minutes away, and I am alone every holiday. People outside my family tell me I have good people skills. When I first moved here, I was invited every once in a while. It is one thing to face politics and religion on this forum and another when you are off-duty and just want concord.
My brother-in-law is a weird mix of Arab and Roman Catholic. His family was Chaldean Christian but there were no churches in the area so Roman Catholic was considered a closer choice than a Protestant one. Most people would consider Episcopal the status religion in America. I am treated as Barabbas for being progressive and Episcopal. I actually asked my priest what to do b/c I did not want to stoop his level but I was not taking his zingers anymore. She said it did not have anything to do with religion or politics but pure assertion of power over me. What impact could my private views have on his life? I even went to a Roman Catholic church with them a few times b/c I did so frequently in New York.
I wonder if many of these JW shunning incidents have nothing to do with the Witnesses. Rather the WT shunning policy is an excuse to violate boundaries and commit power trips. Believe me, living in NY with different faiths, I am able to talk about the weather, architecture, police uniforms, any thing under the sun. I've had very close Jewish friends and Chinese Buddhist combos in my home. Hospitality has nothing to do with religion or politics.
I don't spend my time hating anyone. I only have time to love them. I recommend this because it works for me. I used to be very bitter towards certain family and extended family members. Let it go....It's for your own good. I know, words....But I think you would benefit from my view.
Hate consumes. Let go. Cutting contact does not make you
a bad person.
I feel a small amount of guilt that I do not feel the affection that some children do for their parents and siblings. On the other hand, they are all in a cult that does not make them lovable.
I certainly don't hate any of my JW relatives, even though some can be bloody annoying and some downright awful, but I excuse their behaviour because it is cult-controlled, not the real them.
I have as little to do with them as possible, when I do meet with them it is awkward to converse, they do not have anything to talk about in which I have the slightest interest. I don't let the situation upset me now, I did a bit once, not now, life is as it is, life without them because I am not in the cult is better by far than life with them when I was in it.
I can relate to this post. My mother was abusive, tyranical and fanatical about the cult. She poisoned us against our non-JW father, who she divorced on false charges, when I was 10. Our childhood was complete nightmare. My brother who is a JW elder has nothing to do with her, despite the fact she is an uber zealous witness herself. I can't say I "hate" my mother, she did make sacrifices, as do all parents, for us. She can be charming and show a sense of humour, but I really do not miss her, and if I never saw her again, it wouldn't create sadness.
soooo you hate her because.........she's a Jw? she didn't tell you she's moving? I'm not sure why you really hate her...maybe I'm missing something.
I dont' hate my family. I do however dislike my grandfather because he has physically (beatings) and mentally abused my grandmother, my father, my uncle and aunt his entire life and has put that onto me. I just don't stand for it and see him as a extremely ill, horrible man. I do not hate him though.
