Do the Jehovah Witnesses break up families?

by trailerfitter 24 Replies latest jw experiences

  • trailerfitter
    trailerfitter

    The answer is YES in my case. For some of you wonderful people on here will remember I asked a few questions and was concerned about my wife becoming a Jehovahs Witness,...well, she is baptised now and fully fleged (committed).

    I have been called possessed by satan , mentally ill, a schitzophrenic and was beaten emotionally and mentally. Eventually I had to leave our house after 2 years of this situation getting worse. After many non - productive discussions about the bible , the watchtower, creation issues etc etc.. left both of us with hate and vindictiveness. All her decisions are based on someone elses writings and not from our family join decisions. We, ( myself and step son) suffered her constant attempts at trying to get us to listen to the supposed truth about the coming of the new age, biblical scriptures, the laws of thermodynamics.,.... ( that which she doesn't know the first things about). All of which both myself and her teenage son rejected in favour of reason, free thinking..and historical facts which the JWs appear to be lacking in the area that history proves that things are gettin gbetter for humanity not worse!!! We, also on social gatherings had to suffer the bible being pulled out and quoted from. I had emotional issues and instead of support I got a "cold" wife with bible in hand.

    I am now homeless.

    When my wife turned around to me and told me , after 8 years of marriage that she didn't trust anything I said because I was not a Jehovah Witness member I realised that those people in the organisation she has know only a comparitively short time hold sway over her thoughts and feelings to the detrement of our family.

    Why you may ask did this break our marriage up?...............Well, I questioned and argued against the organisations good reputation, questioned their doctrines, warned my wife they were false prophets, got angry at her for being obsessed and not trying to reason what the fact were about the watchtower predictions, refused for any teaching to be given to my 6 year old son and banned her friends from comming around our house on christmas eve (I got the distinct impression that they had come around to gloat over her refusing to celebrate christmas).

    After I refused to celebrate our marriage aniversary in protest over the chrstmas and birthdays issue she got hostile. Then acted like an victim.

    If you can believe that she has constantly tried to find any excuse to call me a bad father when dealing with our son over video games and film content, it would be true. I have commented on how much censorship needs to be considered when teaching the bible to young impressionable minds. There are many horror stories that children need not know, I got an agressive, abusive and hysterical reponse in defense of her stance.

    I have witnessed the hate against a neighbours child who is terrible but also in need of forgiveness,. I sponsored him for money raising for charity and she hit the roof!!. She decided that she is "chosen",.....After 2 and 1/2 years the nightmare continues. Anyone wonder why some people actually hate the organisation then this is why!!!!!

    Any husband whos wife, (or visa versa) comes into contact with that organisation and falls for their lies is going to have a tough time. My advise would be to not get angry, be patient and loving. My lesson which I learned too late.

    The Watchtower spread a disease by gentle persuation and coertion by promising what they cannot deliver. They spread mistruths. Don't let your family suffer like mine is!!!

  • blondie
    blondie

    She doesn't seem to be practicing what the WTS says the bible says when it comes to non-jw spouses.

    (1 Peter 3:1, 2) . . .In like manner, YOU wives, be in subjection to YOUR own husbands, in order that, if any are not obedient to the word, they may be won without a word through the conduct of [their] wives, 2 because of having been eyewitnesses of YOUR chaste conduct together with deep respect.

    *** w10 5/15 pp. 13-14 Women, Why Submit to Headship? ***

    When the Mate Is Not a Believer

    6 What if your marriage mate is not a servant of Jehovah? Often, it is the husband who is not a believer. In this case, how should the wife treat him? The Bible answers: “You wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, in order that, if any are not obedient to the word, they may be won without a word through the conduct of their wives, because of having been eyewitnesses of your chaste conduct together with deep respect.”—1 Pet. 3:1, 2.

    7 God’s Word tells the wife to maintain a submissive attitude toward the unbelieving husband. Her good conduct can influence him to consider what it is that motivates her to behave in such a fine manner. As a result, the husband may look into the beliefs of his Christian wife and eventually accept the truth himself.

    8 What, though, if the unbelieving husband does not respond favorably? The Scriptures encourage the believing wife to display Christian qualities at all times, however difficult this may be. For example, we read at 1 Corinthians 13:4: “Love is long-suffering.” The Christian wife does well, then, to continue to behave “with complete lowliness of mind and mildness, with long-suffering,” putting up with the situation in love. (Eph. 4:2) With the help of God’s active force—his holy spirit—it is possible to maintain Christian qualities even under difficult circumstances.

  • wha happened?
    wha happened?

    That issue is such a pay as u go event. They use it when they need to, but most of the time the unbelieving mate is subject to distrust. JW's views of non JW's is so over the top that it will usually end the marraige, and the dub in the end is looked at as a person who did everything for Jah, even ending a marraige, where they should have worked, to maintain God's arrangement of marraige

  • garyneal
    garyneal

    I'm sorry you are going through this, trailerfitter. I know that has got to be rough. My wife and I went through bouts of that too when I realized how counterproductive it was. Blondie does make a good point in her Watchtower quote, it looks like your wife was not paying attention.

    Rule #1, never ever discuss doctrine. A lesson I learned too late. Combatting Cult Mind Control and Releasing the Bonds are must reads for peoplein this situation. As is some of the stuff on Randy's website.

  • tif21
  • carla
    carla

    Been in your situation, sorry. fellow ubm

    ps-it can get better, in my case I refused to allow jw literature out in the house. Or I should say that if he left his literature out I would also leave out my apostate books or the most vile criminal jw stories printed out from the internet. Finally, he got it, if he put his damn literature away I would also put mine away. I know other ubm's that finally had to do the same, it was the only way to not have to see jw crap 24/7. We now at least have a neutral home as far as the litter goes. He no longer preaches at me or anyone else because he gets no where. All family & friends already know all about the jw's thanks to his own craziness and me telling the 'truth' about the 'truth'. Be it doctrinal, un-biblical, scandals, blood, pedophilia, etc.... people are disgusted by jw's in general once they know about them. Yes, individually they can be great people but get them on a jw rant and they are their own worse enemy.

    I hate to promote tit for tat type of lifestyle but in the end it worked for us. If he EVER brought up the wt or jw crap in front of me in public he and others would get a real earful of what jw's were all about! He learned to not even bring it up. We are now able to go to holidays (yep, I said it 'holidays' I must have used some old wt for that, something about maintaining family harmony or something) or family/friend get togethers and be just normal (well sort of) people who can discuss the weather, jokes, movies (obviously not the R rated ones) and so forth.

    Got kids? she wants to bring them into the org? that truly would have been over my dead body and I don't mean that hypothetically either, I really would have been dead for that to ever happen. He wanted to bring them but then I said ok, then every other weekend me & kids will be checking out the relgions of the world including Catholic, Lutheran, Bahai, Hindu, etc.. etc... that was enough for him and he dropped it. Besides, at that time they not only had their Sat & Sun crap but also 2 meetings a week which gave me plenty of alone time with the kids to very naturally teach them about cults and jw's. No need to trash the jw the kids feel bad enough about being abandoned by the jw parent so merely explaining the rules & regulations of this man made cult was quite enough. The newby jw has a lot of new strange words & ideas that the kids did not understand telling them which wt or awake it came from made things clear. Kids are pretty smart and if you tell them they don't have to believe you but look it up for themself! you will be amazed how even young children today can utilize Google! Protect your kids from cults to the best of your ability. You protect them from drugs and other harmful things why not cults? they can certainly be as dangerous as drugs and you can truly lose your children to a cult. There are many ways to protect your kids and some will not be posted by ubm's so as not to give away identity or the possible protection of kids.

    You may want to start doing fun stuff when she is off yet again doing jw things. Become the fun parent.

    If you are considering divorce you should look into now and see the ramifications of religion & divorce in your state. I have heard of people joining churches that have child friendly programs because the courts look more kindly at that for the child. If a judge had to decide- church A that has many wonderful programs & fun things for kids vs life as a jw child which do you think he/she would choose?

    Before you rush to any decision see if you can save the marriage even if it ends up you stay to protect your children. As I said it can get better, you may find your cease fire of sorts between the two of you. Your marriage will never be the same pre-jw days even if she chooses to leave, her brain and your heart have been forever affected by the wt. I will say again, it can get better if you can get over the beginning stages of a newby jw and how damn obnoxious they can be. Shades of her authentic self will at times shine through, look for those and see what can trigger it.

    I wish you well,

    carla

  • GLTirebiter
    GLTirebiter

    Sorry to hear of another going through the nightmare of a JW/"worldly" marital breakdown. Don't second-guess yourself that it might have turned out better if you had held your tongue and not discussed WT doctrine. That doesn't work either (i.e., it didn't for me). If you haven't read The Eclectic Marriage (at Freeminds.org), please do--at least some of the scenarios it describes will be familiar to you.

    Please take care of yourself and the children as best you can. (I would wager that one reason for the break-up was your "worldly influence" on them, not forcing them to go to the Hall and out in "service" every weekend.)

  • Lozhasleft
    Lozhasleft

    Yes. It's a cult. So sorry you are going through this, hope you can find a way through to her soon, but don't hold your breath.

    Loz x

  • TOTH
    TOTH

    I'm saddened by your story. I feel your pain...

  • flipper
    flipper

    The WT society and Jehovah's Witnesses should be deemed as criminal organizations for the hate speech and divisiveness they cause in families. I've suffered through this as well with my JW adult daughters. Trailerfitter, I'm so sorry your family is being broken up by this. All I can say is we are here for you as a support system. Stay close to your step son and don't let him get sucked in. I was married 19 years to a fanatic JW wife, I know how crazy they get. Hang in there bud

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