Failed Marriages..."Born ins"

xelder

It is impossible to unweave the complex cobweb of a failed marriage and totally understand it, let alone to generalize the occurance for many other couples. But, let's assume the case of a marriage of two typical JW born-ins. As far as JW's go, they grew up without major disfunction, still talk to their parents, etc.

In cases like this, how many of these couples are still together? Since "finding a spiritual mate" was the main goal, many other compatability factors end up being ignored. They marry too young to even know what those issues might be. The WT encourages them to wait until older, but like most kids, they want some sex.

So...from your experiences and observations, how many of these couples are still couples? This is especially of interest if they both are now out. Did leaving the Borg ruin their marriage? Or, did being in the Borg ruin their marriage? Or, did they get lucky and actually find a lasting romance?

~Jen~

Mine sounds like the kind you are describing to a T. I saw the differances we had but was looking for a good spiritual mate and he fit that. I specifically remember thinking that he was a "good boy" and would keep me on the right path in the borg because I knew there was more that I wanted and tried so hard to ignore that.

The majority of our issues were ignored or "let go" between the 2 of us to keep the peace, not once did we ever have a real disagreement or argument and he especially didn't know how to stand up for himself or have any sort of opinion that wasn't from the borg. When kids came along life got stressful and hard to handle and I started to find out the the religion was a hoax I crumbled and there was no strength to our marriage to keep it together.

Even if we wanted to try - the borg creates such a division that would make it impossible for me to have even the least bit of a decent life if we tried to make it work for the sake of the kids - with him "in" and me DF'd it just wouldn't and couldn't ever work.

wha happened?

Been there. I wasn't a born in but my ex was. I ignored the red flags as this was experiance I had in the world. She was pioneering and a daughter of the PO. Incompatabilites came up and it was a difficult marraige. We were way too different but my naive, recently baptized mindset was convinced it would prevail, as we were in Jehovah's organization. Now I'm surprissed it lasted as long as it did

Tater-T

good question.. someone once asked me 'Don't JWs have arranged marriages?".... I was like no 'they don't do that"

Then I thought about it .. In my old Cong the PO had a big family and the PO from the Cong we shared the Hall with did to.. all their kids married each other .. because they wanted equally Spiritly minded mates ... I wonder how it all worked out ..

TT

talesin

Interesting point, TT. My parents tried to arrange a marriage for me, to an OLD MAN. I was 17, he 50.

I can't even imagine what my life would have been like if I had married into the cult, instead of leaving it.

Back to the OP,, xelder, I think that some people did marry for love, and were the lucky ones. By and large, though, even if you chose mutual attraction over so-called spirituality, most JWs never learned how to relate to other people in a healthy fashion. We weren't socialized in a way that could be remotely described as functional.

My observation would be that occasionally, a healthy union is formed, but for the most part, marriages that begin in a KH are often problematic.

tal

00DAD

I can ditto what Wha Happened? said with very few exceptions.

Once I started wising up to TTATT it was over. She simply did not want to hear any of it because she knew where that would lead. After 10 years of a celibate marriage I simply had had enough. I wouldn't have even stayed that long but I tried to keep it together for the kids. Ultimately I couldn't do it.

diamondiiz

When a born in is turned into a drone, marriage to them sucks. Even when they stop with wts crap, they can't alter their borg mindset. I wish I could open up the pain I feel but at the present time I need to suck it up ;(

itscrap&theyknowit!

In my first thread, WHY I EVENTUALLY LEFT, I agree with you to a tee. Many of us got married waaaaay too young. As far as I'm concerned, the Society backs these young, uneducated marriages.

"As long as this person is spiritually mature..." Why????? Because they've been baptised and pioneered since the age of 10? Because they've been an appointed MS since the age of 17? Because they've been appointed an elder since the age of 22 and have been an elder for 10 years??? Oh!!!! And don't forget this one....they come from a family with very spiritual lineage!!!! WTF?!?!?! How spiritual!!!

The problem is....NONE OF THESE HAVE LIVED LIFE!!! Yes, they have been around the Borg all their lives and have NEVER had to deal with REAL SOCIETY with REAL ISSUES OF THE REAL PROBLEMS OF LIFE! You DO NOT...I repeat, DO NOT have the skill of critical thinking! College and being in the world equips one with decision-making skills. Not growing up with Paradise at the kingdom hall and the assemblies. Life's truest problems. Yes, I grew up a J-DUBB and also was terribly sheltered and was BEYOND naieve!!! I thought that EVERY J-DUBB was free from sin when most were truly walking DEMONS!

Then, to get married at the age of 20! What in the hell do you know???!!!!! NOTHING!

The ONLY reason many stay married past the 10 year mark is because it is under duress, coersion nd downright belittling should you leave your marriage-made-in-hell!!!

I am a mentor to so many young people now (J-Dubbs) who are in horrible marriage. Many making horrible decisions like, telling everyone in the organization their personal business, letting the elders counsel THE WIFE ONLY, telling her how she should not miss a single meeting, bring the young children by herself no matter how tired she is and dealing with a stupid-a$$ husband....just keep putting up with him in love.... YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ELSE!!!!

MANY, who got married thru the years that I PERSONALLY KNOW, are now divorced, STILL dwelling in a horrible marriage because it's A HORRIBLE THING IN JEHOVAH'S EYES TO GET A DIVORCE, or just stuck. Being in a religion, period, that makes you stay in something that gives you stress and heartache is crazy as hell!!!

If Jehovah gave women a way out of their marriages back then in ancient times because of adultery, you mean to tell me he can't change the rules for MODERN DAY issues within a marital arrangement?????? GIMMIE A BREAK,DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

itscrap&theyknowit!

@DIAMONDIZZ.................. Honey, on this site, you can let it out!!!! This is the most refreshing site since I've left the planet-cult!

Many hugs to U. I been there. (((((hUUUUGGGGSSS)))))

steve2

Given that many born-ins marry way too young (because its the only way to legitimate sex), and that emotional maturity is not a stable factor among the very young, it is no surprise to hear stories of born-ins marriages ending up on the rocks. By my estimate, JW marriages to non-witnesses probably have a higher survival rate than the marriages of born-ins - but that's just a hunch based on some pretty tragic marital ruins that haunted the local kingdom hall...

Failed Marriages..."Born ins"

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