An Introduction

by tornapart 35 Replies latest jw friends

  • tornapart

    Well.. I've been here for a few weeks but still feel like a relative newbie. Not even sure what to say or if I should be saying it. I just wanted to introduce myself as much as I'm able to. I'm still 'in' so to speak although mentally 'out'. I'm a born-in in my 50's and an elders wife with all my family active JWs, so it's a hard place to be. I'd always had some doubts over the years, but the 'generation lap' really did it for me. Nothing has felt quite the same since but I could never put my finger on it. Of course I still believed the organisation was being directed by Jehovah, I went along with it but inside I was troubled. Then one day I came across Crises of Conscience by Ray Franz. I read it in three days. It overturned everything I had believed in, but strangely it didn't surprise me. After that I read in Search of Christian Freedom, that took a little longer as I wanted to take in everything. Then I read Captives of a Concept by Don Cameron. After that I was reading every 'apostate' website I could find. I know there is no going back but I still have to attend meetings and do a little FS just to keep up appearances. Fortunately the congregation I am in is a very easy going one so I don't feel under any pressure but it is still hard to listen to talks where GB worship goes on. I still love God and Christ and the Bible (I know many of you don't anymore). But I'm very much a 'live and let live' person, always have been really, that's my 'real' self. I think that's why I always have had a problem being a JW because the 'control' was always too much. My beliefs are mine and mine alone, I don't want anyone else to come between me and what I believe in and I won't do the same to anyone else. To me it's all about Freedom. Even if I feel somewhat trapped, at least my mind is free and that feels good.

  • leavingwt

    We're very happy that you've joined us. I'm very glad that you've read those books. They answer so many questions.

    Edit: May I also recommend Steve Hassan's first book. It's entitled, 'Combatting Cult Mind Control', and it can give you some suggestions on what not to say to JWs, when attempting to awaken their critical thinking skills. It will also help you to identify and elimiante irrational fears that you may have as a result of the indoctrination.

  • james_woods

    Welcome to JWN. Does your (elder) husband know about this?

  • tornapart

    He knows I've read the first book and that I've looked at websites. He knows how I feel.

  • N.drew

    Wecome tornapart! I have enjoyed your posts. God bless you for finding your way.

  • 00DAD

    tornapart, welcome! It's nice to be formally introduced since we've exchanged points on some other threads.

    I'd like to second leavingwt's recommendation about reading Steven Hassan's books. For my money I found his second book, Releasing the Bonds more helpful. But they are both good and a necessary step in your healing and in the potential to aid others.


  • 00DAD

    So you're husband knows you have read and continue to read "apostate" literature but he hasn't outed you???

    Hmmmm, very interesting! Perhaps he has his own doubts and didn't know how to raise them with you. Either that or he just wants to avoid dealing with it. The shame of having his own wife disfellowshipped for apostasy might be holding him back.

    Keep us posted!

  • tornapart

    Yes, 00DAD.. he'd never out me! In fact he told me to be careful what I say because he wouldn't be able to protect me if it went too far. He does have doubts himself but not enough to make him want to leave. We talk about stuff and he respects my rights to believe what I want to believe. :)

  • breakfast of champions
    breakfast of champions

    "It overturned everything I had believed in, but strangely it didn't surprise me."

    My sentiments as well. Welcome to the board.

  • Mickey mouse
    Mickey mouse

    Welcome and thanks for sharing your story.

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