depressed and starting to loose it

by raxxxx 19 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  Flat_Accent

  Leave. You cannot continue to live a lie. The longer you hold out, the greater your self-loathing will become for allowing yourself to continue. The only way to break the cycle is to quit. Once I had figured out as much, I told my parents I did not believe, I would not be attending meetings etc - albeit I was never baptized, or close with someone in the congregation. If she is not spiritually strong, and she really cares about you, she may leave as well.

  But I feel like whatever the results will be when you leave, you'll gain a real sense of freedom and control about your own life once the ordeal is over.

  Good Luck to you.
• 

  zeb
• 

  witnessdater

  Bro,

  I never was a JW and dated a wonderful woman who was a JW for 2 1/2 years. Loved her so much and wanted to marry her. This at 39years old. I never knew the difference between JW beliefs and what they didn't believe that Christians do. I was blinded by her, and she wasn't a strong, strong adherent to some of the JW beliefs, and I think she tried to shield me from it. After I did some critical research on the internet, it scared me so bad (I had also been to someof the services with her and always came away saying "Baby, there is just something that isn't right about the way you all go about things. It sounds like they are talking to 7 year olds") that I made a vain attempt to get her away from it and tell her waht the Bible actually said, knowing they are taught not to read the Bible without the guidance of the WT. Too late, she had been in since the age of 14, and the threat of the punishment she knew she would recieve was greater than the pull of wanting to be psychologically free, which is what Jesus gives. Her family was all in it, and I just feel so bad for her now. Would love to talk to her and still miss her, after 2 years of not talking and dating others. What a beautiful human being she is. Just couldn't have my kids around that for long term.

  Your life is important. No one woman and being with her is worth living a lie, and allowing her to live it by being with her everyday. If it is taht important to you, it will be a long process to convince her, and, unfortunately, women tend to not really take the advice of the boyfirend, who they know has "ulterior" motives. They really need to stumble upon it themselves, or hear it from some third party. There are many books on how to debate with JWs on their doctrines, using the scriptures, a method the JWs use themselves. The average JW can turn the average Christian into a scriptural pretzel within 5 minutes, using trickery. There is no way out when they hear these things. It forces them to think critically, something they have been conditioned not to do. And brings undeniable evidence of the actual truth that wil not be able to deny. Otherwise, you need to leave her, and tell her why. Maybe she will ask questions. But you need to bone up on how to shoot down the JW doctrines before you do. Get on Amazon and find the books, they are everywhere. Good luck.
• 

  Aussie Oz

  Walk away.

  From both. No good will come of any of it. Lying to yourself, lying to her is not the recipe for happyness, rather, disaster.

  Think about it this way, if the girl was not involved, what would you do? You need to fess up to her and let her choose.

  The old saying 'plenty of fish in the sea' is oh so true. The fixation on this one is going to give you a lifetime of grief...just ask those here that have walked your road. Then get up, drop that bottle, put on some self esteem and get out there!

  Oz

  PS this is so coming for my son soon, i can feel it. And i will tell him plainly to dump the girl no matter what he feels. 18 is way to young to yoke to a JW.
• 

  cantleave

  If you continue with the relationship knowing the religion is a lie you will grow to resent her as you will feel trapped and depressed. This is not fair to either of you. A relationship needs honesty and committment to one another to work. If you have the witnesses as the third person in your marriage you will not be truly loyal to one another.

  If you are honest you give her a chance to make her own choices. There was a post earlier about asking for baptism to be revoked. If you got baptised before you were officially an adult, this may help you to leave without being shunned.

  It is very stressful to live as a witness in good standing if you do not believe and witnesses are very good at picking up on vibes that indicate that you are not a true believer. It is not easy either taking the risk of walking away but there is the possibility of living life with honesty and having peace of mind.
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  exjehovah

  Trust me, you have come to the right place. But you have to ask yourself if you really want to be married to that religion for the rest of your life. Do you want to be involved with a cult that will try to control your family life, up to and including the kind of sex you have with your partner? I mean, seriously, read some of the stories that people share on this site. My ENTIRE FAMILY on both sides are JWs with a few exceptions, I wish I had the privilege of not having to deal with them on any level. Do yourself a favor, turn back now, and don't even look back. "Remember Lot's wife..." (A favorite misused quote of the JWs)
• 

  rebel8

  Alcohol is a depressant.
  
  You *feel* stuck, that is normal.

  You *aren't* stuck--the truth is your options would all result in some pain along with good.
  
  If you stop participating in a harmful organization, you aren't leaving her. She could likely make the choice to leave you, but it's her making the choice, not you.
  
  You could level with her about how you're feeling and let her make an informed decision. Hiding such a significant thing from someone you love is hurtful in itself, and the longer you do so could result in more pain for her.
  
  Best wishes in your journey. (( ))
• 

  zeb
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  Anony Mous

  Just stop going. It's fairly simple. Your girlfriend could go either way. Either she shows that she loves an organization/idea more than you and she sticks with them. Do you really want someone to share your life with that does not love YOU but loves WHO YOU PRETEND TO BE. Or she has doubts herself or sees how you're being treated after you leave and she leaves herself, you'll have each other then to help and support and it makes for a really good love story.

  Trust me, I have made the mistake twice in my life, being married twice and currently going through my second divorce. The JW's love their organization more than they will ever love you and they will use it against you at every twist and turn. If she's an engrained JW she won't think twice to turn your ass over to the elders and she will backstab you along the way. That's what my current wife is doing even though she doesn't know what she's doing herself.

  So walk away, there's plenty of fish in the sea. It's going to be hard and tough as it is.

  Also, resentment from an ex is always going to be there. I don't think it's healthy to stay with someone for more than ~5 years unless you're really a soulmate. The fact that you're not going to share the same goals and ideas about it (even if you stay with the JW's, you'll always have doubts) will cause MUCH trouble and within 5 years you're going to feel even more stuck than now, probably thinking about your future and when you should leave with a little one on your lap (again, I speak out of experience).

  Think about the future:

  You stay in, you get the girl, you are miserable, within a couple of years you leave anyway and not only will she resent you even more, you'll have kids and/or a second family to worry about too.

  You leave now, you have a 50/50 chance at the girl, you are happy, within a couple of years you may have the same girl or someone else, she will either not resent you or you won't know if she does, you may have kids and a second family but you'll be able to celebrate christmas with them and have a general good time.
• 

  Intel

  raxxxx, you are lucky my friend. Do you know why? Because you came to this place and here are plenty of folks who have been where you are now. Plenty of good advice and friends here have no second intentions. If you read the life experiences of many here, you will see that it is like looking into the future of what your own Life could become - for the better or worse.

  I'm no good in giving "love - relationship"-advice, as I made several mistakes along the way. But one thing is true - and remember this: IF you are certain that this is not the "truth" (it isn't - evidence that shows this is stacked "sky-high") then you will have it MUCH HARDER if you stay, living a lie.

  You said: "...but she doesn't make a big deal out of it... she is not very strong spiritually..." > Don't forget that it is possible to marry her, she is still not very strong spiritually, BUT her indoctrination STILL kicks in...it is unrational, but I have seen it times and times again...she could make your Life miserable EVEN if she is "spiritually weak" - even more so. Why? Because she will be swinging "in and out", not knowing what to do, she stays in and doesn't know why, she get's out and blames you...

  If she loves you, she will understand and maybe you have to leave her room to take her own decision. Anony Mous is completely right, THAT was my own experience....I married and we had a child......everything became more complicated by then...