It's a gift from jehoopla, you are commanded to be joyful in serving him, blah blah. I never felt that way and I know for a fact the dubs in my kh rarely or never did either. A typical day pioneering:
- Get up early after a late night at the meeting.
- Get ready. I don't have enough makeup left to make myself look presentable, and I only have $.75 to my name so I can't buy more. I guess I'll be going for the Little House on the Prarie look today. Again.
- Get dressed. What's the weather today? Oh, 6" of snow due and 15 degrees. Put on prarie skirt, panty hose, full body long johns, 2 pairs of socks, undershirt, slip, sweater, rubber boots that reach up to my hem, hooded down coat, 2 prs gloves. Top with scarf and corny hand-knitted hat with pom poms on top. I can barely move. If I tuck my hair into my hat maybe no one will recognize me.
- Pack bookbag. I have little litter-ature because I don't have enough cash to buy any. Actually I'm hoping I will place some today so I can afford a hot chocolate. Ensure there are enough tissues b/c it's cold.
- Procrastinate leaving the house.
- Eat breakfast. I have ½ a bagel left and 1 can of chic peas. Eat bagel. Drink lots of water to fill myself up.
- Drive to service meeting. Butterflies in stomach all day, not from nerves but because fs is sickening and embarrassing. Do I have enough gas to get there? Probably not. Check meter repeatedly and hope I run out of gas near a store so I don't get frostbite while waiting for a ride.
- Arrive on fumes, 2 seconds before meeting is to start.
- Wait 20 minutes until 2 other people arrive. So glad I finally rated high enough in the pecking order to get a kh key because I can't run my motor to keep warm while waiting. No penis people in group.
- Pull hat and hood off head for meeting. Hair is static and flattened. I look like a homeless person. Conduct meeting with a coffee-stained Burger King napkin on my head to show proper respect for jehoopla. Say some stupid prayer. I’ve done this a lot of times and have been conducting an experiment. Invariably, as long as you say a long prayer and throw in a few buzzwords, you get compliments, no matter what rubbish you regurgitate. No one is paying attention. We start counting our time during the service meeting.
- Butterflies come back—it’s time to decide driver and territory. I refuse to work in my own neighborhood or school district, even though refusing is not allowed. Who has a territory? I have a rural one far away signed out so I can spend most of the time walking instead of preaching. Everyone is excited, especially since it’s a 20-minute drive (or 40 if you go really slow "because the roads are bad") and we’re counting our time. They ask me to drive as usual. I say I will if you guys buy gas because I don’t even have enough to get home—I’m hoping jehoopla will provide—maybe I’ll place enough ragazines to fill the tank with $1 of gas. Someone else drives, begrudgingly.
- Eww, we arrive. Now I feel sick. Sickened at myself for doing this. Day dream about my escape. Try to think of new ways to sock away $ in secret so I will have enough cash to flee. Back to reality. I know 3 people on this street and I refuse to knock on their doors. I tell the other sistas I think they will listen better to a stranger. I go to the other doors, knocking lightly so no one will answer. If my partner doesn't notice, I just pretend to knock. One person answers and I go into my lame sales pitch, trying to not actually place anything at this point. It’s an old woman and I feel horrible. She insists on taking the magazines and gives me $.25. Woo hoo, first this month (and it's the 27th)! Now I have $1.
- 1.5 hours later—drive to Dunkin Donuts—another 20 minute drive. We’re still counting our time "because jehoopla is a loving boss who would give us paid breaks". Spend 30 minutes in Dunkin Donuts, hoping no one will recognize me. We figure we can count the extra 15 minutes of our break because we deliberately talked loudly about the literature and someone overheard us.
- While driving and warming self up in car, listen to mind-numbing boring gossip about the congregation, silly stories about angels looking us over (then why aren't they making my car run on no gas) and immature discussions of what sex might be like/what type of weddings we will have once some brother comes to marry us. The stupid--it hurts my head. I daydream about dying by falling off a bridge being more pleasant than living like this, or even in some subsequent iteration of jwism such as being a married weaker vessel TM .
- Repeat step 12 until noon .
- Repeat step 13 for lunch. I brought a can of chic peas since I’m out of money. Eat in car.
- Repeat step 12 until 2 pm .
- 1 person, as usual, says she is “afraid” a storm is coming so we “have to” quit. No one objects.
- Return to kh. Put $.50 in gas tank for ride home.
- Arrive home. Remove 14 layers of clothing. Rub extremities hoping circulation will return. Prepare for tonight’s meeting.