Just got dumped by a "Best Friend" (page 2)

Mad Sweeney

Someone has to ask this, and I'm sorry if it sounds harsh but the questions are sincere - I really want to know, and I think your answers will be a good example for others considering a walk down that same road: What were you thinking? Why did you "come out" to him? What did you expect to happen and why did you expect it?

ziddina

DG, I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you...

Unfortunately, we ARE talking about a cult, here... Cult members have NO freedom of choice.

Mad Sweeney asked a few valid questions, though I suspect I can guess some of your answers. You probably felt that your friendship was far deeper than the cult indoctrination; that your friend truly would care for you through thick and thin; that your new-found freedom was something that you, out of love for your friend, wanted to share with him because it hurts you to see him still trapped in the cult...

Unfortunately, each person must exit when they're ready. Obviously, he's not ready yet.

But I hope that he does eventually find the freedom that you've achieved...

Zid

Think About It

Unfortunately, we ARE talking about a cult, here... Cult members have NO freedom of choice.

Right on Dina. Also, JW cult members have no normal human emotions regarding love & affection.

Think About it

undercover

Cult members have NO freedom of choice.

Most average JWs are victims...just like we were. They are manipulated and indoctrinated to think one way, act one way, be one way. When something foreign to that expectation presents itself, they flee. They think, because they're trained to think that way, that they are obeying God by shunning. So from their twisted perspective, they are faithful and honest.

I had few really close friends in the religion (or out, for that matter), so it wasn't so hard for me in that area. But the few that I considered fairly close, chose to cut me off and stay loyal to the WTS...and I was just going inactive, not officially out. But being part of an organization where you think you're friends with all members and then finding out it was all conditional is a kick in the gut. It takes some time to get over.

00DAD

This has been one of the hardest, most painful truths for me to learn: If it's conditional, it ain't love.

Band on the Run

Your friend is brainwashed and terrified. Time helped with my JW family. I never would have thought they would change their positions but they did. It is new to him. Give it time. You are not in a normal relationship b/c the Society sits there, too. This is the saddest part of JW--the kick in the stomach. You look at worldly people and wonder why you are treated so unfairly. It was nothing to do with your merits. My brother switched from JW to Maoism within two years. Maoism was just the same but with different words. The control was even greater. He would disappear for years. My mom would be glued to the TV on May Day and for any violent demonstration, hoping to glimpse him. Whenever we lost all hope of ever seeing him, he would appear. Time helps.

dreamgolfer

What were you thinking? Why did you "come out" to him? What did you expect to happen and why did you expect it?

I think the above is a good question, however when you have been through what I have with this "Best Friend" over the past 30 years, you may have had the same idea that outcome could be different. He had some "questions" too, and I thought that possibily if I reveal my questions of "the WBTS" that it may spur him on to do some research and see if I do have validation and his concerns should be investigated. Just like when they go out and preach to get them "into" the org, if you talk and work smart you can help them to see that they need to do research themselves and "get out".

I feel that my feelings for him as a friend was not based on him being a JW, but as him as an individual. Think about it, you all have the same goal, to help the ones you care out to "rethink" their position and lives and move on w/o the "org".

While I was hurt, I have to take time to let it sink in with him, it took me time too.

I am better today, and thanks to ALL for you great words and suggestions.,

Have a great weekend, it's getting to be Fall!

DG

sizemik

Dreamgolfer . . . it's getting to be summer down here LOL

I have (had) a best friend like that . . . we've known each other for 30 years. He woke up about 18 months before I did so I was in your friends position. We never spoke about it at the time . . . but I had no intention of seeking out his company because of cult thinking. Consequently we went for the full 18 months without making the usual regular contact.

Well of course my "time" arrived and I immediately travelled to his town to see him and say what happened. He shook my hand warmly and said "I was hoping it wouldn't take too long." We are still the very best of friends . . . in fact he is my best friend.

While this is not necessarily typical . . . the possibility is still real . . . and may well come to pass.

cantleave

Sorry for your loss.

Time to move on and put these ignorant supercillious people behind you.

It's hard and it hurts. But the freedom you get from doing it, more then compensates.

WuzLovesDubs

I think most of us have had this happen to us. There is no graceful unpainful unpunished way to leave this cult. I was having a conversation with a very dear close JW friend that I had known from the get go for 13 years about her having an affair with an elder and getting caught and an imminent DFing....and I told her I would always be there for her even if they DFd her.

And a month later I DAd myself and when I told her, she cut ME off like a gangrenous toe because I "would be a bad influence on her spirituality". Huh???

But a bit later I got an email...only one line on it... "I miss you." So I know they DONT WANT TO DO THIS but their fear of it happening to them is deeper than their desire to stay with you in your life.

Have pity on him. They are stuck. We all are stuck.

Just got dumped by a "Best Friend"

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