Just got dumped by a "Best Friend"

dreamgolfer

Folks, I wanted to start out by saying how much support I feel when I have time to come online and tap in to all your knowledge. Reading what you all go through, does make me feel I am not alone and I am glad for all the time and support you give us all.

I want to do likewise and tell you a story:

I was born into the JW religion via my mother, I am 50 something now, (on a good day I can look 49)

I have acquired many friends over the years. Shared in their joys, tragedys and regular day to day "cwap" we have to deal with. I like to think I am a guy that can help or talk with someone at a moments notice, my phone is always on.

Recently a friend of mine for over 30 years came for his annual visit to my area. Before this weekend, we talk about once month, text and email all the time but it was good to see him and his wife. They come here to work. so on one of the days towards the end of their stay we met for a beer. Well I did it,,,, I CAME OUT of the JW closet and told him what I feel in my heart and asked if we still can be friends? I get a nervous laff and "uh no I dont think so" So I asked - how many NON-JWS friends do you have? HE said a few, I asked can I just be one of them? another "nervous laff",

HE asked me why I feel like I do , so I gave him about 5 "Easy to swallow" reasons, none of which involved anything but MY OWN Feelings, I Was not attacking the ORG or his beliefs. About an hour passed for this. We finished our beers and hopped in our cars to leave,

Then with the final 4 days approaching, not a call, text or email. And he and his wife just left town without a word. Amazing how he must feel? I guess he is now ashamed to talk to me and all the things I had done in the past for this fellow is washed away.

Sadly I think, did Jesus mean this to happen? Did he want us to turn our backs on humankind like this? What happened to love your neighbor, or is all they teach from the platform "Conditional Love"?

Truly, this hurt in the deepest sense of my being, I am saddened and dissappointed that this man/best friend was supposed to "lay his life down for me" if I needed him too. However he just left town w/o saying good bye - just because i admitted to not going to meetings any longer.

So sad, so wasteful of my 30 years with a relationship that I thought was true and pure.

My take, My words, my feelings today, hope it changes tomorrow

Peace to you all,

DG

LostGeneration

Sadly I think, did Jesus mean this to happen? Did he want us to turn our backs on humankind like this? What happened to love your neighbor, or is all they teach from the platform "Conditional Love"?

All they teach is loyalty and obedience. Not to Jesus, but to the almighty WTBTS. Rule number one from this wicked org is shun former believers, whether they are officially out or simply express doubts.

So sad, so wasteful of my 30 years with a relationship that I thought was true and pure.

Wow. That really sucks. I think you brought out the "cult personality" by having your little talk with him. Hopefully with a little time and reflection, he will see that you aren't some sort of rabit apostate and will be a part of your life again.

dreamgolfer

Thanks for the last paragraph, I do hope so,

leavingwt

I'm sorry that this happened to you.

IMHO, the easiest way to understand how your conditional friend feels right now, is to put yourself in his shoes.

While he may have affection for you, does he want all of his friends and family to abandon him? If not, then he cannot be friends with a disloyal JW who has abandoned Jehovah. His friendship is conditional, held hostage by the very real fear of losing his own family and friends.

From this perspective, you can see that your friend has only two options: (1) Keep one friend -- you, or (2) keep all of the rest of his friends.

I lost my best friends when I walked away. It really did suck. However, with time, you'll discover that you're no longer the same person and you have little to nothing in common with your former JW friends, and this helps to lessen the pain.

Found Sheep

On a good day you can pass for 38!

dreamgolfer

From this perspective, you can see that your friend has oonly two options: (1) Keep one friend -- you, or (2) keep all of the rest of his friends.

Yup, I guess you are right, I have to feel his pain as well to understand that. Good words of advice, thanks!

OnTheWayOut

I similarly lost my JW best friend, although he won't straight out say that. He'll say that he is there for me if I need him, and that really means he is there if I ask for help coming back to the JW's.

I have found, even as a fader, that I had to be myself and reveal that I won't go back. It worked for the JW wife, wanting to preserve a great marriage. It worked for the JW mother, wanting to keep family normalcy. But it doesn't seem to typically work with JW friends unless they are only in for family.

I have had to make new better friends.

Found Sheep

Oh that's sad! I hope he softens in time!!

dreamgolfer

ME too! one can only hope for that

discreetslave

So sorry for your loss. I lost my close friends also people who were family to me. My husband has decided to remain with me but our relationship is different so I feel I've lost him also.

Now you can move on and find new bonds. It's not easy but we have to do it. Maybe someday your friend will wake up and you can be there for him when he apologizes for turning his back on you. That happened with me and my best friend. We hadn't spoken in 11 years after she was df'd. When I woke up I sought her out, now we just picked up our friendship like no time has gone by.

Just got dumped by a "Best Friend"

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