Reached Out Only To Be Rejected

by Quendi 21 Replies latest jw friends

  • Quendi
    Quendi

    Last month I got word that a Witness I had known had died suddenly. I hadn't spoken to her since my disfellowshipping six years ago, but we had been good friends. Upon learning of her death, I wrote a letter of sympathy to her fleshly brother, also a Witness, who had been a good friend of mine as well. I expressed sorrow for his sister's death and mentioned the hope of the resurrection which I still believe.

    When I sent the letter, I did not put my name on the envelope but did have my return address on it. I did identify myself in the letter, however so that the recipients would know its sender. That was only right and proper. After expressing my sorrow and praising the deceased as a warm and wonderful person whose friendship I had prized for twenty years I then mentioned the resurrection hope. I concluded with telling this man that I wished all the best for him and his family.

    I did not attend the memorial service because I had no intention of putting myself through the shunning routine I knew I would face and also because I wasn't sure how the family would react to my presence. In addition, I have no desire to ever set foot inside a Kingdom Hall again, not even for a funeral for a friend. But at the very least I thought I would do the decent thing and express my sympathies.

    That was a month ago. I have never received an acknowledgment of my letter nor any other expression of thanks for sending it or a shred of appreciation for the thoughtfulness I showed. I'm not hurt or wounded, but it is fair to say that I am disappointed. After all, common courtesy and simple decency would have prompted almost everyone else to respond. It shows the warped and twisted thinking that Jehovah's Witnesses have that they can't exhibit the love they claim is the major feature of their religion and personality.

    I had hoped that my letter wou0ld also show this man and his family that Witnesses aren't the only people who can do things out of love and altruism. All humans are made in God's image and reflect his qualities. That is something their religion denies. The literature, platform talks, and experiences related in both are quite chauvinistic in this regard. Only Witnesses are really "happy", only Witnesses can express love, kindness, generosity, and other positive qualities to a large degree. But when put to a simple test as this case was, they fail miserably and don't even notice. My being disfellowshipped should have had no bearing on whether I should have received a response to my letter. And I have to wonder how many "worldly" people attended the funeral and expressed sympathies to whom this man returned thanks. This experience has made me all the happier to say that I am no longer one of Jehovah's Witnesses.

    Quendi

  • mouthy
    mouthy

    Isnt that sad!But you know they cannot return any thanks to apostates,
    we are mentally deceased in the Orgs mind.
    But you dont know what the people reading it REALLY thought ,it may have
    planted a seed ,seeds take long to grow sometimes

  • troubled mind
    troubled mind

    Quendi , I know what you mean . All you can do is feel pride in YOUR conduct because you did the right thing . My husband keeps telling me no matter how soicially inept the witnesses are HE will always do what he feels is right in matters like this . Just a few weeks ago I learned my brothers wife lost her Father . It made me sad they did not call ,but I sent out sympathy notes to them and their daughter . I have to let it roll off like water on a ducks back ,and honestly feel sorry for them . In this life precious memories are made when we let others love us ,their stubborness deprives them of this love .

  • ShirleyW
    ShirleyW

    When my mother died, the folks from the Hall that knew since I was 4yrs old, only 3 of them came to visit me when she died, however my aunt who was never a JW obviously told some of her friends of her sisters death, three or four people that I have never met who are my aunts friends called me, that spoke volumes to me about the folks in the da troof !! Although I already knew they're all blind leading the blind a**holes !

  • talesin
    talesin

    Quendi, you did a good thing. I'm happy you're not one of them anymore, too.

    tal

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    I'm sorry, Quendi, and I understand the hurt.

    May I share my point of view? What appears a failure to acknowledge a kindness done may not always be correctly defined as an abject failure, but, rather, negligence, oversight, forgetfulness, emotional pain ... The reason I bring this up is because on so many occasions I failed to reciprocate a kindness done. The giver may have wondered at my not getting back to him or he may have simply done his good deed and thought no further about it. Is it possible that your grieving friend is so caught up in the emotion of his family's loss that his mixed emotions vis-a-vis you and your status leave him bewildered, confused and UNABLE to deal with a response at this particular time? I found out years later that deeds I had performed (but for which no thanks was subsequently given) were nonetheless much appreciated. Some people simply do not write or call or drop by to say thank you. Maybe it's just bad manners ...

    I kick myself now while pondering the generosity of others toward me over the years, but acknowledgement for which I had failed to give. We are flawed individuals, and yet we all of us should give with the right hand while the left remains ignorant, so to speak.

    Your pain is understandable, but please, dear friend, be patient. Years of friendship are not so easily forgotten, despite WT indoctrination.

    All the best,

    CoCo de la Souffrance

  • flipper
    flipper

    QUENDI- I'm so sorry they didn't acknowledge your sympathy to them. I agree with Troubled Mind though that you can and should " feel pride in YOUR conduct because you did the right thing. " In essence - you rose above the boorish behavior and didn't lower yourself to the JW disgusting level of lack of manners. Good for you.

    In reality it's Witnesses who are " mentally diseased " with what's called cult " dissociative disorder " which causes them to turn off their normal human emotions in order to obey rules made by the WT society. It's wrong and disgusting - but they are mentally ill. The authentic human personality is deep inside - however the cult personality masks it and prevents it from ever showing very much as they ae JW cult robots.

    I'm sorry you were dissed like that, just know that all your JWN folks support you and care for you. O.K. ? Hang in there

  • watson
    watson

    I don't think you have waited long enough to receive the desired appreciation for your thoughts...it takes along time for some to morn, gather their thought's and return communications. If you do get a response, I'm sure it will be a nice witness, and an appeal for you to return to Jah's org.

  • serenitynow!
    serenitynow!

    Quendi it was good of you to make the effort. Perhaps the family hasnt gotten around to sending thank you cards yet. I know some people who never send them. When my grandma died years ago when I was a believing JW, a good friend of our family who was disfellowshipped at the time sent me the loveliest card. Our family later got together and wrote thank you notes to everyone who had gone to the funeral. I wrote personal thank you notes to everyone who sent me a card specifically. When it came time to write a note to my d/f'd friend I was conflicted. I was like "he's df'd but I can't not acknowledge his card." I didnt want to disobey Jehovah, but I also didn't want to be an ingrate. So I compromised & sent a note addressed to him and his wife, even though his name was the only one on the card that he sent me. I hope he was not hurt by that, he's not df'd anymore & he's the first believing JW I ever told I was an apostate. BTW, I still have that card he sent.

  • watson

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