by angel.face 29 Replies latest jw friends
Oh, and ALWAYS close the computer window and CLEAR YOUR BROWSING HISTORY after going on ANY site that the Governing Body wouldn't approve of...
[Can't you just see them - their smiley faces would be turned into frowns with pinched mouths like they'd just eaten lemons! - if they realized that another Jehovah's Witness has just 'woken' up... ]
Or, better yet...
Imagine them in drag... As "Church Ladiezzzzz"...!!
Dear angel.face,
I am happy you are taking some steps to see the Watchtower for what it is. I remember my leaving and how it affected me and my marriage. I'll save that for another time but needless to say living a life of cognitive dissidence is tuff on the body.
I studied psychology and medicine after getting out and can assure you your health is in danger.
Here are some things you can do to ease out of that world. You can talk to a therapist. Some communities have therapists that work for the public at low rates based on income. You can also find volunteer counselors at local churches. Don't worry they don't push religion on you but can be a great person to bounce ideas off of.
Do you have family outside of the Watchtower that you could confide in? Talk with them about it if you feel comfortable. Start making new friends at this point so that if you are DA'd or DF'd in the future you will have replaced those ones you currently have that are conditional based on performance.
Take up a hobby or class and network again with non witnesses and encourage your kids to do this at school. It also seems that when some people are hurt by the religion they tend to have problems relating to God. If you feel okay you might try praying to God about how you feel. Tell Him to help you and make your paths better.
Finally, if you feel your health is just going to slip I say run and come 'out' of the closet all at once. I am speaking about this because I suffered a nervous breakdown and couldn't cope. In the end I realised I could not continue. Both my brain and body said enough was enough. This was even before I read anything negative of the religion. I was physically taken out the hard way.
Peace to you and hope all goes well. I'll pray for you.
Maksym
@ Angelface hugs to you. We have alot in common. My daughter was 7 when I first woke up. Each situation is different. I too woke up before my husband and he did not take it well when I started voicing things I was learning. I remember when I told him that I couldn't attend the KH any longer. He went pale and said he was going to throw up. Now a few years have passed and he doesn't go to the kingdom hall at all. He's done his own research and knows the "truth" is not the truth. However, pretty much all his family are in and so we have never voiced anything outright to his family. We celebrate birthdays now. My daughter goes to school functions. She celebrates Christmas at school but have not quite reached that milestone at home yet. That is the last frontier with my husband. However, only you know the personality of your husband. In your case, you could play the "depression card". You could just constantly say "I love Jehovah but I am not worthy, blah blah blah." Heck, I knew one elder's wife who never went to meetings or out in field service because she had "migraines" yet when country line dancing was popular she was there every Saturday night. Nobody said a word. When she did come to a meeting she played the earnest, quiet, mild wifey part pretty good so she never raised eyebrows. While doing this you could continue to come to this forum, maybe put your daughter in a dance class and get to know some "worldy" people. Do you work? If so you could start to get to know your "worldly workmates" better. If you don't work maybe get a part time job somewhere. Or maybe go take some classes somewhere. Start concentrating on you and what makes YOU happy. When I was in I always subconsciously had a kids party around my daughter's birthday every year. I hadn't even realized it until just recently. I was subconsciously celebrating her birthday and no one at the KH knew it LOL. I know there are alot of JW's out there who only give lip service. They do what they want and live how they want. Start hanging around the "spiritually weak" but still play the depression card. Hang in there. Keep coming to this forum. Please keep us posted.
It won't be easy. That's for sure. I like Ziddina's "spy" suggestions.
As a kid, I and 2 siblings secretly studied WT stuff with Mom. The secret didn't last. It's hard for little kids to keep secrets.
I suggest you do everything you can for the kids sake. If she can be taken into confidence then great. But don't have her miss out on life's fun in childhood too much for your husband's sake. If her cover is blown or she's not up to secrets from Dad, do what you have to for her sake.
Try to talk to your husband about your feelings and consider the DA if there's no reaching him on letting your daughter focus on school and normal growing-up stuff.
Tough no matter the path. Take your time to figure it out.
I agree with OTWO. Do everything you can for the kids' sake.
I think accumulating all or any information about the WTS. and all of its subversive scams and exploitations as there are many and slowly present them
to your husband would be the best route, for once he wakes up it will make yourself and your entire family leave this very dishonest religious cult.
And yes it is unhealthy for anyone to be a subservient mental slave to this corrupt religion and be exploited as such.
Fear is the most ardently used vehicle to attract attention to this cult and to retain its membership, thats why its so difficult to leave it.
Many here have once been in your shoes and we are aware of your trials and difficulties.
I really feel for you because I was there four years ago. It took me almost a year to build up to speak to my husband about it and we had a hard few months. He is out mentally too now and we are coming to the end of our fade.
It took me so long because I had to come to terms with things myself and allow my anger to subside a bit. If I had splurged it all out at the beginning with the intense rage I felt, I don't think it would have worked. I do remember coming home from meetings and feeling overwhelmed by rage; I remember one day in particular I curled up into a ball and wailed.
My advice would be to take it slowly and ask questions, don't tell him anything. He has to come to the conclusions himself.
PM me if you want to chat. I don't know if you're in the U.S, U.K or elsewhere but if you need to speak to someone on the phone, I'd be happy to exchange numbers or skype names.
x
I've only been awake for 3 months but I am really struggling. I stopped commenting. I don't study with the kids anymore, rather we read classic children's literature together which is wonderful. I wish I read more 'worldly' books with them before.
This is exactly how it started with me. When I first realized that I didn't 'really' believe what was taught, field service and personal study with my children stopped cold (did read another version of the Bible to them). I refused to teach total strangers lies or indoctrinate innocent young minds with the delusions of the WTS. It was around this time that we bought property outside of town. The move did wonders at keeping nosy JW's at bay. I stopped going to meetings.
My daughter comes to me almost laughing says 'he just said that my homework is not important'. I am happy that she can see how unreasonable his comments were. But I feel so bad for her. I really want to give her a normal childhood. She is such a talented little girl and she would thrive in school sports or dance lessons. She has many friends at school and quite often she is invited to birthday parties, playdates etc.
Seems you're gonna have to be the rational one in the relationship now. My kids meant/mean more to me than almost any other thing on this earth. And even though my husband and his family are the ones that introduced me to this god-forsaken religious sect, I didn't have the additional burden or added obstacle of a die-hard JW husband. And I thank God for that.
There's no reason you can't enroll her in dance, or something she has a personal preference for. Before I ever made a move (ie DA letter), I loosened the reins with my kids and ignored WT edicts. They started going to birthday parties of kids in our neighborhood (They were in elementary, son 9, daughter 8). I even let them go to church camp once with all their friends. My exit covered many years, so during my son's teenage years, he grew hair half-way down his back, pierced an ear and listened to...gasp...rock. He had always been a loner, coveted his privacy and for all intents and purposes didn't give me much grief over those years. My daughter OTOH was/is a social butterfly. She loved being in school functions and she blossomed being around people that simply accepted her for who she is.
I'm feeling a bit depressed at this point. What's the point of continuing this double life?
Some people can, but I couldn't. For me, regardless of the consequences, at the end of the day, I had to be true to myself in all areas of my life, but especially where spiritual matters are concerned.
I almost had a panic attack in service the other day. Every meeting there are dumb comments which make my blood boil. I don't think this is good for my health. I am so tempted to just hand in my DA letter and let this chapter of my life be over and focus on my kids and getting stuff together to go back to school.
The emotional stress and spiritual abuse will take its toll on you. The last meeting I attended, I cried through the whole thing. That was the final straw. You're still young (an assumption based on having a 7 year old), you absolutely don't have to write a DA letter to go back to school. Get your stuff in order and just do it. I promise you will not regret it. As soon as both of my kids were graduated and on their own, I went to college and university, and now work in the medical field. My kids are now grown responsible adults with homes and families of their own. My son is very successful in his chosen field (he didn't want college and that was his choice)(he also made the choice to cut his hair and remove the earring when he was a senior)(funny how that happens when you don't hound kids to death to look and act a certain way) and my daughter got her BSN in nursing, so is also in the medical field. Both have kids now. My only grand-daughter is soon to be 5 and has been in dance going on two years, and she absolutely shines. Dance does amazing things for their self-esteem.
A side note: Both of my children are extremely appreciative that I pulled them from that religious BS at a young age. But on occassion I can still see fragments of their early JW training. The WTO is detrimental to children's development.
My goal was to help my husband and my mother see things for what they really are. But I just don't think I can do it. And thinking about my kids, I really don't want them brought up in the whole JW thing. I know my husband will still take them to the meetings but I would do what I can to help them have a 'normal' life.
Who's to say whether acquiring an education and leading a successful and rewarding life isn't the catalyst for your husband and mother to see that there's life outside and after the WT? And as their mother, if you don't want your children brought up with the 'whole' JW thing, put an alternative in motion to show them another side to life.
Augh! How do you guys keep up the front?
Like I said, I couldn't and didn't. I pray you find the strength you need to do what needs to be done for your own sanity and freedom, and for that of your children.
Kind Regards,
El
Do all the reading and research you can. In this case knowledge really is power. You have to figure out a way to take the emotional pressure off of yourself so you can buy some time to get your feet under you. Saying you are having anxiety or depression about the meetings would probably work in this case (and its not really a lie!).
I have to say that article on Freeminds was awesome! What a courageous and good father. Also funny that he was one of the anointed. I see that as a major victory over the watchtower's control.
I completely know how you feel... that's why I stopped preaching... I went form preaching 1 hour, to not preaching but tuning in fake time, to nothing at all. I too have kids and I think when you take things slow, you have better results. My advise to you and what is working for me so far is...
MOST IMPORTANT THINGS
7. GET TO KNOW THIS WONDERFUL WORLD WE LIVE IN, AND EVERYTHING IT HAS TO OFFER. When you step outside the bubble, it's an amazing place.
Please keep us posted, and remember you are not alone.
