Lately I've been finding it more and more difficult to keep up a front.
Before I learned the TATT I was the mover and shaker of our family. I would study with the kids. Make sure my daughter had everything prepared for the meetings (at least 3 comments of course). Enforce family worship eve. Comment at every meeting...blah blah blah
I've only been awake for 3 months but I am really struggling. I stopped commenting. I don't study with the kids anymore, rather we read classic children's literature together which is wonderful. I wish I read more 'worldly' books with them before. I rarely prepare for the meetings. My husband sees this and I guess he feels more pressure.
Just yesterday I was helping my daughter with her homework she was practicing for a spelling test. Then an hour before the meeting my husband calls her and interrogates her about being prepared for the meeting. she said that she has been doing her homework. He said ' that's not important! What's important is that you study your book for the meeting! you better do all of it or you will get in trouble!' and sends her off.
My daughter is only 7, she is mature and capable of doing it on her own. But holy crap! Punish the child if she does not prepare for the meeting? We never used to do that.
My daughter comes to me almost laughing says 'he just said that my homework is not important'. I am happy that she can see how unreasonable his comments were. But I feel so bad for her. I really want to give her a normal childhood. She is such a talented little girl and she would thrive in school sports or dance lessons. She has many friends at school and quite often she is invited to birthday parties, playdates etc.
I'm feeling a bit depressed at this point. What's the point of continuing this double life? I almost had a panic attack in service the other day. Every meeting there are dumb comments which make my blood boil. I don't think this is good for my health. I am so tempted to just hand in my DA letter and let this chapter of my life be over and focus on my kids and getting stuff together to go back to school.
My goal was to help my husband and my mother see things for what they really are. But I just don't think I can do it. And thinking about my kids, I really don't want them brought up in the whole JW thing. I know my husband will still take them to the meetings but I would do what I can to help them have a 'normal' life.
Augh! How do you guys keep up the front?
HOW DO YOU CONTINUE?
by angel.face 29 Replies latest jw friends
-
angel.face
-
Scarred for life
Save your kids from the horror and crushing pressure and guilt of being a JW. I was raised in this cult. Do NOT continue to suffocate your children. Let them be free and enjoy life in a positive, encouraging environment. You have the power to do this. They are totally dependent on you.
-
wobble
What is your relationship liike with your husband ? does he truly love you ? don't answer that on here, but ask yourself if it is not better to open up a little more to him about where you are at.
Perhaps at first just asking him to help you with something about the religion that you have always struggled with, before you were fully awake. Then progress to more difficult things for him to face.
Beware though of raising his Apostalert, and as you go along try to establish some ground rules,for instance it is no use pointing you to the WT literature on something you struggle with, you know what it says,but still struggle.
What you do not want to do is let any of the power you have at present go, by DAing you will do that, and your husband may become fanatical about indoctrinating the kids.
Softly softly, slowly, is the way.
Good luck.
-
wannabefree
(((angel.face)))
It will be a struggle. Even more so for you as the wife with no headship authority in the organization.
I think you really need to get yourself some outside support. Non-witness friends, perhaps counseling, your kids will need your help through this, otherwise you will possibly take the path of least resistance and return to the numbing of your mind.
There is no easy answer.
If you just feel like talking to someone who can relate to what you are going through check out these options ... or feel free to pm me and I will be happy to share my phone number. I am a male with minor and adult children, married, I woke up early 2010 and have ceased with most of the spiritual routine, my wife is trying to take the lead but is having a tough go at it.
-
wannabefree
This article was a big help to me during my awakening, I believe the writer of it is active here as well.
-
ziddina
I'm probably not the best person to be commenting on this thread, but...
If I were still 'in', and forced to play along, I'd play "Spy"....
More in the next post... Just wanted to give you a 'visual' to help my narration along...
-
ziddina
Okay, playing 'spy'...
Means hiding your real feelings while wearing a smiley mask... [The better you are at this, the more people will be likely to reveal to you...]
Going along with the crowd while thinking your own thoughts... [Try watching "Mystery Science Theatre 3000", to get an idea of the smart-aleck comments one can sass back at an unhearing source... Just don't do it out loud in the Watchtower study!!]
Subtly sabotaging any efforts at actually bringing another person into the Watchtower Corporation... [This is where a brief "lapse" in which you mention something that the householder SHOULDN'T know about - yet - could be very useful... ]
Secretly laughing at the idiocy - which brings me to another point...
Use subtle sarcasm and wit - whimsy - non sequiturs - to give you those badly needed moments of relief when the idiocy begins to smother your brain...
If your daughter's as bright as you've stated, you MIGHT be able to get her in on the "game", too... Just be careful not to give her too much information in case she has momentary verbal diarreah and blabs more than she should to her father - or any other still-blind Witness...
And of course, come on here and vent, vent, vent, VENT. Make mental notes - NEVER physical ones - and come on here and tell us ALL about that snotty pioneer sister, the guy who never bathes, the bible study who is probably schizophrenic, and so on...
We'll love you all the more for it...
Zid the She-Devil
-
Found Sheep
My heart goes out to you!!! What made you wake up? Does your husband have any signs of seeing it??? Do the two of you talk about it?
FS
-
NewChapter
I'm so sorry this cult has put you in such a stressful position. But I'm happy that you are there for your daughter and will offer her protection. I don't know any answers, I can only offer some support and understanding. I think what Zid posted is important. Some kind of mental exercise to help you through. Find a PURPOSE for being there---and if it's to collect funny info we can all laugh at--so be it.
NC
-
bafh
Yeah, I would play it cool. I don't have kids, but I do have children in my family that I am close to. I've heard more than once that a DA'd parent has to fight to keep their kids, and is portrayed in court as unfit. It really puts kids in the middle, and will do nothing to furthering your goal of having your husband and mother understand or even join you in your position.
You're getting good advice. Follow the AA motto: One Day at a Time. Don't DA, just for today.
I'm currently fading. I don't have anyone I'm trying to save, so it's probably easier - but I don't talk about why I don't go to meeting. At the same time, if someone in my life brings up something about the meeting or something that is important to them, then I am encouraging to them about it. It's not my place to change their mind. And, I think it keeps them from suspecting that I'm anything other than just "weak" and occupied with my work.
my .02 cents
bafh
