Dr Laura Schlesinger Rant

by Iconoclast 25 Replies latest jw friends

  • Iconoclast

    I don't know if this is accurate or not. It's on of those FB chain letter thingys but it's awesome and I'd thought I would share:

    In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

    Dear Dr. Laura:

    Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination .... End of debate.

    I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

    1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

    2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

    3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

    4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

    5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

    6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

    7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

    8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

    9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

    10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend).

    He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

    I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

    Y our adoring fan,

    James M Kauffman

    Ed.D. Professor Emeritus, Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education University of Virginia (It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian)

  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    Hilarious! Demented and sad, but hilarious.

    BTW, some of our Canadian friends slave pretty hard to keep this site running. Thanks y'all! Consider yourselves owned based on God's inspired Word.

  • Iconoclast

    I LOVE number 8. My male friends trim thier beards. How should they die?

  • No Room For George
    No Room For George

    Kinda funny seeing a Jew use the Bible to condemn homosexuals, yet ironic that people also use the Bible to condemn Jews. You gotta love it.

  • Iconoclast

    That, my friend, is sweet sweet irony.

  • JW GoneBad
    JW GoneBad

    I'm BUSTING! I remember reading this before. The 1 thru 10 questions above make Dr. Laura appear brainless.

    Reminds me of how moronic the WTBTS can sound when they try to sound so high and mighty with their insight!

    Thank you Iconoclast for sharing.

    Me says Dr. Laura like the WTBTS has just shot herself in the foot!

  • PSacramento

    This is pretty old but still hilarious and poignant.

  • LV101

    i LOVE THIS!!!! Someone has posted in past (perhaps you!!) and I'm going to be sure to copy this time and send to some zealots.

    Thank you,


  • Diest

    THis is funny but it is from May 2000. I still dont like Dr. Larua. This really does prove the points about 'God's' Law being silly.

  • Iconoclast

    I've already posted it on my FB. I have this one guy I went to college with that I swear is trying to become a televangelist. He's started his own bible group on FB and keeps recruiting kookie people. His posts are so WEIRD! Not even biblically based. Just odd. Like this one that he just posted:

    Christ said "I'll be back" well before Arnold did. Except he's known as the Resurrector ;)

    Whaaaaa??? Anyway, he threw a hissy when I posted it. LOVE IT!

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