Tough Question: Should "I" still party with JWs?

by lil.lady.03 10 Replies latest jw friends

  • lil.lady.03

    "ello everybody! It's been a long time. A couple of months, I guess.

    I have a dilemma, kinda, and I would take any suggestions or offers.

    So, I've been inactive now for a whole year now.

    By now, I'm sure word has spread of my inactiveness. My mom has made a note to tell ppl in a PC way that I'm not active. And many of my old "friends" I am sure have answered about it when questioned by others. I'm not sure, because honeslty I haven't directly heard anything or had anything gotten back to me about a sister or brother "asking" about me. Like all communication has stopped. (Well, I did change my number too=P) lol.

    Also, the funny thing is that I still have a FB account and I haven't changed it or removed any "friends". Many of the "friends" are still my friends of FB. LOL There have been some really self-rightous JWs who have deleted me, but i really didn't hang with them anyway. No loss.

    So I got an invite to this huge day trip coming up in two in October. Kinda like a hike day and then later everone is going to a house for a getogether (party) later. I kinda think it's like an oktober feast. I'm not sure really. A lot of the ppl on the invite list are just going for the party later. (go figure. beer beer beer!!) The hosts throwing the party are known for throwing really fun parties!

    Honestly, I am interested. So I figured , hay, maybe I'll just go to the party part later in the evening. However, I have such an uneasiness about it.

    When I think about it, my stomach gets into knots. I'm kinda anxious in a way that someone will question me about where I have been. Kinda like an elephant in the room. I never used to care if I saw inactive ppl at events, but I know how "others" react and how judgy they can get. Esp. some of my old "friends". So I'm wondering if it is worth the trouble?

    To top it off, I got an email message from the hosts asking me to provide my congragation name and phone number for the guest list. Probably to keep tabs if someome does a bit much. (LOL) But I kid you not, my heart stopped. I don't know why I feel so uneasy about this. I could simply lie say the name, provide the info, and keep it moving.

    Or I could simply not go. I don't understand why I'm having such anixeity about it. Any advice. Should I go or not even bother with it. I don't think going to a party should be this difficult.

    PS: Plus I don't have anything to wear. LOL

  • N.drew

    lil.lady.09 I can't advise you either way. My rule for myself is when in doubt, don't. Do you believe in Jehovah and can you pray? Then do it. There is only one scripture that I can think of that applies (to me) to associating with Jehovah's Witnesses. 2 Timothy 3:5

    What does Godly Devotion lead to? Accurate knowledge. The power of godly devotion manifests itself as understanding. Do you think the friends are looking for understanding, or will they be imitating the Governing Body who is in search of the "bad" fruit, maybe you? If you think the second scenario is true, you "should not" (your worded question) go, do you? If you think most present there will be those leaning on the understanding of the Governing Body, what do you think?

  • mrsjones5

    If it's giving you some anxiety don't go.

  • NewChapter

    I wouldn't go. Would it really be fun? You'd have to hide your true self and watch every word--and after a beer or two----

    It sounds like the anxiety of such a situation is already building. Have you been making new friends?


  • lil.lady.03

    Hay thanks guys! You all are right. If I'm having anxiety over it then I shouldn't do it.

    I've had social anxiety for years, and still suffer from it when I meet new people. Like I have to take a few deep breathes and literally wait until the feeling passes. So a part of me was just saying, "oh, you always get nervous at any party or any big group thing.. Get over your self and go!"

    But then again I do need to listen to my gut feeling.

    To answer N.drew question: I know for a fact that these attendees aren't super rightous. Very liberal JWs, if that is even possible. yet still they are JWs and very much IN, no matter how normal they claim to be. So I already know eyebrows will be raised if I walk in. LOL. And I used to be considered a goodytwo shoes, but I guess I went "bad", so I'm sure I'd be considered bad fruit or mentally diseased.

    To new chapter: I asked my borther the same thing. He responed, "would I really be having fun if I had to dodge ppl and make an effort to be on the defense. I said, "no." So yeah... Too many cons on the list so I guess I should say no. And no. I haven't made too many friends since I I have left.

    I've joined meetups and book clubs, so I have been having plenty of socail interactions, but nothing as deep as I could say I THOUGHT I had in the truth. Where everybody is automatically your friend.

    I hung out with a friend a three weeks, who is a witness. She is very depressed due to a recent job loss. It was awkward. I didn't feel at ease like I used too. I had to watch everything that I said. I let a few Fbombs drop and it was awkward.

  • lostandconfused

    I can relate to having social anxiety. I myself suffer from it; I think it comes from growing up a JW. I get all nervous and weird around people I don't know very well and it's very hard for me to make new friends when I'm not comfortable. IMO, I would be even more uncomfortable knowing someone would be talking about me or judging because I was inactive. Not saying that your friends would, but you know how the usual JW thing goes... Try really hard to make some friends with people you know aren't going to be judging you, it's a lot less stressful...

  • mamalove

    I would not go. You can have a good time elsewhere. That is not the social scene to be in. Go shopping! :)

  • MrFreeze

    I say go, steal some beers and then leave. But that's just the theory of one man who likes beer.

  • darth frosty
    darth frosty

    For me I do not hang with JW's on their terms (activities they put together or outings with a lot of dubs.)

    There are 2 main reasons for this and ironically both are the same.

    1st I dont want some one to start that pitying complaint most dubs get that 'Boy I am enjoying your company now but I wish you were going to the hall so I can continue to enjoy your company and not feel guilty about it.'

    2nd I dont want a former JW 'friend' to have to lie about hanging with me or feel some guilt because they know I dont go to the hall.

    Basically it comes down to if I am spending time with someone They have to be a genuine friend! I cant have no ify wishy washy people in my life who if pressured would turn their back on me as soon as an elder ask them to.

  • lil.lady.03

    Thanks mamalove! I am trying to mentally remove myself still from thinking of them as my friends. There are some people I still deeply care about and always will, but I guess I;m realizing I have to do that from a distance now. Also that it might not to reciprocated. *sigh* that's is the hard part. There hve always been JWs who say, "no. I never be like that with family or friends. I'd love them anyway." *crickets*

    A part of me thougt I'd still be accepted irreguardless of my choices, but I'm finally seeing firt hand that that isn't the case with JWs.

    @ lostandconfused: Yeah, I'm finally getting around to admitting that maybe my social awkwardness to attributed to being raised as a JW. I never wanted to admit that. I've always have said, "No, maybe it is me." IDK. I wasn't super popluar as a witness either, so Idk. But I think I'm cool. I'd be friends with me.

    @ MRFREEZE: Thanks for the guy perspective. LOL. My brother said, "If the only thing you get out of it is free drinks, then maybe it won't be so bad." Lmao.

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