A Letter to My Sons ... A Request for Help

by 00DAD 28 Replies latest jw friends

  • DesirousOfChange

    Could you biblically defend military service?

    Did you ever read about the conversion of Cornelius?

    Does the Bible ever say he resigned from his position as an Army Officer?

    I don't think so. I think the closest you will find is the WT saying that "evidently" he did.

  • Quandry

    My advice to you is to be careful crossing the street.

    Don't write the letter just yet, as it may be intercepted by their mother, or if read, confirm to them that they are right in avoiding your company as an apostate.

    How about this? Take stock of your goals now that you are out. Did you complete your education? Even if you are fifty you can go back to school and can personally vouch for its effectiveness, and urge your boys to get an education....you need to offer to pay for it, as their father, of course.

    Next, perhaps you can volunteer for a really worthwhile organization and send your boys information, demonstrating that you are doing something cool for our planet. Being young, they may feel (as we all should) that to be involved is important-even if they can't due to being dubs.

    Finally, send copies of pictures of you and them together doing something fun. Tell them how you love them, how proud you are of them, and that you think of them often. Before you sign your name, add the scripture, "Love never fails."

    Facts usually send a JW running; emotion is deep inside of us all. Connect on this level. Other young men do things with their dad and I am sure that this will dig at them, hopefully encouraging them to have more of a relationship with you.

    I guess one more thing I should mention. I assume you are still taking responsibility for their upbringing by sending money for things young men need-above the money demanded by courts. If not, you can expect bitterness that no letter could undo.

    Wishing you success.

  • Retrovirus


    have you considered keeping a diary? It could form the basis of your message to your sons, or just help you keep track of things you'd like them to know. And if they have the least interest (I'm sure they do!), they'll read it, whether or not you're still here.

    Best wishes for your efforts to stay in touch.


  • smiddy


    You say your sons are 17 & 20 ? I`ll gaurantee they have no idea of the early history of Jw`s

    You most likely know that when the WT comments on their early history it`s always with "spin" eg:in russells day 1914 was the end of this system nowadays they say it was the beginning of the end

    I recomend Don Camerons "Captives of A Concept " then in your letters,postcards etc.just add a point of interest they may like to know of their early history,just a small titbit every now and then to plant a seed

    best of luck


  • wobble

    The problem with trying to free individuals, and both your sons are different, is that a trigger that may work with one person will have no effect on another.

    When you read the threads on here as to why and how people woke up there are so many varied reasons,when I look back on my own experience there were many things I was aware of, that were enough to awaken others, but not dumb old me,until my "trigger" came along.

    What I am leading up to is: if you wish to free your sons , you may do more harm than good by pushing various issues under their noses, they may come to view you as trying to do exactly what you are trying to do, get them to leave the religion, they will then cease to listen.

    Having said that, I am not sure of the best approach, but something that comes to mind is try first of all to simply ask "what convinces you it is the truth ?"

    They know you have "doubts" so you can say their reason for their faith may help you restore yours.

    The answers will give you a clue as to what their belief really stands upon, will also make them look at their faith.

    Do not attack their reasons in any way, or even comment on them, just thank them , and then ask, "But you know many folks have problems with various things about the JW's, surely to you, not everything is perfect about the religion ?"

    You can then agree 100% with any problem they highlight, and point out how, if it were God's org. surely such a problem should not exist within it ?

    All you may achieve by this is getting tham to think a little, but that is a good start, and you should not alienate them.

    Keep assuring them of your unconditional love.

    Just my thoughts, and the best of luck !

  • sizemik

    I tend to agree with Quendi on this one.

    The communication is for the purpose of appealing to them in the event of untimely death as I understood it . . . a final plea as it were. In that case I think a video . . . well thought out and prepared, but delivered from the heart. You don't need to get into doctrinal specifics except to make clear why you made the choice you did . . . and then simply appeal to them to search things through and through . . . and that you've only ever wanted the best for them.

    Put their photos next to the camera and speak to them personally . . . and give it a few attempts till you get it right. It may (but I hope not) be the last thing you ever say to them. If something untoward did unfortunately happen . . . they would be bound to view it IMO . . . maybe more then once. Make them a copy each and arrange for them to receive them should the worst happen.

    In the mean time emailing a few photos and telling them how much you would prefer to see more of them etc . . . appealing to the father-son rather than cult relationship may erode the uberness over time.

    I have three grown up sons . . . all are not JW's anymore. I feel kinda guilty that you have this situation and I don't. I do hope things can change . . . and sooner rather than later.

  • 00DAD


  • i_drank_the_wine

    I hope everything works out for you. I tried to save my family too, but only got the perma-cold-shoulder instead. I wish I had done more research into the psychology of dealing with cult people before I gave it my all.

    Best wishes to a caring mother.

  • 00DAD

    Thanks to all that have contributed to this thread. As you might know, I couldn't post the last two days so I have not been able to comment or respond to all the great suggestions and ideas. Some I am already doing so it's good feedback, but others I might not ever have thought of on my own, so I am glad I asked.

    I'll keep you posted!


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