I am glad that Pika_Chu has shared his story with us and I want to wish him all the best. In time, my friend, you will find the circumstances that will allow you to exit from this cult for good and all. You already have support among us on this board, but this is a virtual community. You need to find a real one that will accept, respect, and love you for who you really are. That can take some time, and for many of us came only after we left the WTS. But for now, you are in pain and are looking for relief. Since you are still living at home, leaving the WTS could pose major problems, but you must set that as a goal. Once that is done, then you can stop participating in the meetings, going out in the field service, and doing the other Witness things. In the meantime, I leave you with this thought from Robert Frost's poem "The Road Not Taken":
The Road Not Taken
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I —
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.