Suggestions for finally talking to my parents about my doubts?

by stillstuckcruz 51 Replies latest jw experiences

  • beenthere2

    Not a good time...part of next week's WT is about apostates....very firm wording.

    fyi-.....I just faded away and it has been 18 years. I never talk to my family about my thoughts because it will only cause trouble. I still read some of the literature on-line; but I have to filter in my mind what I am reading....I separate what is fact and what is an interpretation..... My biggest problem was the stating of some beliefs as FACTS (such as 1914) when they are really interpretations or conclusions, and making statements that are misleading....for example, a recent WT said..."the first century Governing Body..." when there really was no 1st century "governing body".

    Just get busy and fade time your family will give up trying to convince you to get active. You have to play the game with their if you just get inactive you still keep your family contact.

  • TheClarinetist

    stillstuckcruz: You should think very carefully before doing anything. However, a couple of points... Do you still live with your parents? I'm not sure, but from your comment about PDFs being seen by your family, I assume that you probably live with them... Or that they're too much of Facebook addicts to get off the computer for a couple hours to visit you. If you do live with them, make sure you have an escape plan. Do you have any worldly relatives you could go live with for a while? Maybe some friends? You don't want them to throw you helpless into the street, which is always a possibility.

    On the subject of the computer, I'd suggest grabbing a program called TrueCrypt. It's open source. You can install it on a flash drive, and it allows you to encrypt stuff you don't want peope to see on a fake hard drive that looks like a file. Put all your files on there, but make sure to not lose your password, as it's extremely secure and there is no way to break the encryption (with a strong enough password). As long as you don't leave CoC open, or leave the encrypted "hard drive" mounted, there is realistically no way they can find your files.

  • ABibleStudent

    Hi stillstuckcruz. Leavingwt and others have given you good advice, so hopefully I will not repeat what others have said. Are you still living with your parents? Are you working? Make plans encase the worse happens to you and your family shuns you. If you are still living with your parents, you need to save up as much money as possible. Make plans for your future by getting an education that will allow you to live happiier than if you were still a JW. While at work or at school, make "Worldly" friends. If the worst happens, having a place to live and friends will become very important.

    If you want to try to awaken your family, you can send them anonymous emails like I wrote about in You could also send them to your friends. You know your family and friends best so you should be able to think of some way to interest them to visit a website. If your family or friends mention they received the anonymous emails, ask them what was written and what did they feel - play dumb without lying.

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,


  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    The first thing you have to do is nothing.

    Welcome to our world.

    Take your time working out a strategy. Taking your family out with you is the only way to exit and not have a disfunctional relationship with them.

    Announcing that Dad stuffed up when he joined a cult doesn't work. Don't go there. Stick around and learn some tactics first.



  • Vanderhoven7

    What is so sad is that you will eventually have to choose between your family and your beliefs.

    Keeping a sealed lid on it untill you are ready to kiss your family good-bye is perhaps the most sound advice.

    Whatever you do, don't lose your integrity and self-respect.

  • stillstuckcruz

    Wow thankx for all the great advice guys! :) I have so much to work with. In answer to many questions, I am still living at home. I work a part time 3x a week at 8.50 an hour. Still looking for better work.

    I have absolutely no plans of talking to my parents about anything right now. Cult relief or otherwise. My main goal for this thread was in case the situation ever arose when I least expected it...and yes next weeks WT(which I have the "privelege" of reading at the Sunday meeting BTW) helps absolutely NOTHING.

    With regards to telling my brother, I am still going to do it. Now its just the matter of how I can get him to look for himself. I change the 95% to 100%. I'm sure no matter what, he wont tell my parents or the elders. I know him too well to know he's not about to put me through hell. Were too close for that. I also think with proper planning, I can get him to do research. He doesnt do any personal study so he's not so stuck on beliefs that he can see anything else. I'm having a close friend of mines at work order CoC and CCMC for me so I can have them in the flesh. (cant find CCMC in pdf format anyhow)

    I noticed that through my research of people leaving the Borg, most found that the easiest thing to do was to move to hall far away and just not go. Most people said that was most effective. I'm not sure what to do at this point, but I'm certainly not rushing into anything.There were so many great ideas about where to start. Anonymous emails is a really good one. It really makes me happy to see people here who have been there. So much for the "mask of sincerity" all apostates are accused of(WT06 5/15 Lessons For Us)

    You guys are amazing to say the least

  • TheClarinetist

    He doesnt do any personal study so he's not so stuck on beliefs that he can see anything else. I'm having a close friend of mines at work order CoC and CCMC for me so I can have them in the flesh. (cant find CCMC in pdf format anyhow)

    In that case hide it under porn mags under some other stuff that isn't noticeable. There's always a chance they'll just take and confront you about the porn mags, which is the lesser of two evils.

  • stillstuckcruz

    LOL! Ironically. but i dont own porn. But I do know how to hide things well. Years of avoiding detection by the parentals. :)

  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    What New Chapter and others said is what I agree with.

    Slow Down.

    This takes planning and time and patience. Lots of time and patience. Read Combating Cult Mind Control first

    Never discuss doctrine. When you ARE ready to broach a doctrinal point, ask a question and then LEAVE IT until they answer. Don't push for a quick answer. Just wait.

    CCMC must come first, though. Then you'll understand the psychology you're up against.

  • stillstuckcruz

    CCMC must come first, though. Then you'll understand the psychology you're up against.

    ^I agree. As soon as my friend can get the book for me, I will begin to read it. I've chosen not to say anything to him until after I've at least finished that. I used to think JWs were so one-of-a-kind. Totally unique in every way.....turns out their very much the same as other cults....

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