Suggestions for finally talking to my parents about my doubts?

by stillstuckcruz 51 Replies latest jw experiences

  • stillstuckcruz

    I'll give my story again:

    I'm 20 years old. I was raised a believing witness. I had a normal life and VERY loving parents who would do anything for me and my brother(who is 21). We did lots of this together growing up. Regional Building Commitee for the 07' hurricanes in FL. pioneered twice. I got baptised when I was 16 not because I felt a strong relationship with God and all that. But because of the same reason many/most others did. I wanted to hang out with people and most were baptised. I didnt want to be looked at as bad association by others parents. I could see how my parents viewed other kids who werent baptised. A few months after I was 16, I began to grew more doubt about the religion. Not because I felt all their doctrines were wrong or anything(I didnt do any personal study), but mainly was this God's one and only channel to man-kind? Was the GB really being led by God? Was he "pulling the strings" so to speak for all JW's? Why JW's of all the billions of others worldwide?

    The older i got (especially in the last two years), I really began researching the religion outside of the WT and other publications provided(which we all know is a big no-no). I've almost completed CoC and i am THOROUGHLY impressed with his in depth look at the JW org. I am still is disbelief at the the information found there-in. Of course, I've been using this site quite a bit for new information.


    My father is a very much loved elder in the congregation. Of the top 3 in our hall no doubt. he came into the org in his teen years. My mother was raised a witness. She is a DEVOUT witness who is a favorite among the congregation for her sense of humor, outgoing nature, and sincere love for others. My brother is a MS who harbors many responsibilities in the cong. And they just keep growing, as me an him both are excellent readers and speaking becuase of our deep and clear speaking voices. So as you can imagine the "potential" they expect from the both of us. I know that I am often compared to him because he seems to be doing so well and I'm no so hot. All I do in the hall really is carry mikes, do stage and give talks. Thats about it. I only go in FS on Saturdays and get MAYBE 2-3 hours a month. I avoid it if at all possible. lol.I love my family to death. And I can't bear to lose them. And it doesnt help that all the family that know are all JW's. And the fact that I've never been allowed to associate with others means that whenever I leave, I have no one. I haven't the slightest idea what to do. I know many others are in a similar predicament. I'm not discussing my issues with them right now. But I have a feeling that at some point in time(possibly closer than I think), we will be sitting down having that inevitable "talk".

    I feel if presented with specific information, my brother could potencially grow curious.(we are very close even though we are total opposites.) But my parents are an entirely different case. I feel that no matter what hard evidence they are presented with, they will be too proud, naive or whatever word you can think of to say...they won't budge. What I need are suggestions of how to speak to them and also more information that can be presented. Please remember that they wont be swayed by mere opinions but things must be sourced and scriptually there. It doesn't help that next weeks sunday talk is about us "mentally diseased" apostates. lol. I just began writing down infomation to present to them a few days ago....heres what I have thus far....:

    1. The new light explantions. How can you have new light that is really old light? As an example, I will be using the new light recieved that the DC 2011. (If you have more exmples w/ sourcing, that would be great)

    2). The whole....apostates are horribly, demented, mentally diseased, satan-like, ravenous people, etc. Until recently(especially after CoC), I hadn't realized just how horrible they made apostates out to be. I have lots to say about this.

    3) Failed prophecies. Until Coc(once again) I never knew about all the filed prophecies. Its a lot to go through. Does anyone have a compiled list of the failed prohecies as well as the WT's that prove them? If not I guess I can search through CoC and find them, including the dates shifted around being of the failing of the prophecies.

    I could use more information to present. I have more. But I'm not sure they would be effective. Well, I'm not sure any points would be effective, but I'm not going out w/o first explaining myself thoroughly. Please remember that if you present more information, it can't be just heresay. If at all possible sourcing would be great. I will try my absolute best to get them to look at CoC but I think thats a dead end. Any help that can be provided will be fantastic! :) Thanks guys.

  • leavingwt

    I love my family to death. And I can't bear to lose them. And it doesnt help that all the family that know are all JW's.

    If you don't want to lose your family, you must remain quiet about your true feelings.

    Have you read Steve Hassan's books?

  • Mad Sweeney
  • stillstuckcruz

    Believe me, I will hold out for as long as I can. The problem is that I am forgetful. If someone finds the PDF file of CoC, or ANYTHING that indicates "apostacy" on my part because I forgot to delete, that inevitable "talk" will happen sooner than I want it to. I'd rather be prepared than stammering and stuttering like an idiot with little evidence to support anything I say.

    want to finish both of Ray Franz's books first, then I will move on to his. I've heard a lot about his as well. Looking forward to it.

  • leavingwt

    Simply put, you MUST NOT DISCUSS DOCTRINE.

    This is a losing strategy.

    They're not JWs because the doctrines make sense. They were RECRUITED into the organization. Even if you can prove to them that a particular issue is not right, 'Where else would they go?'.

    You need to begin doing the research about Thought Reform as soon as possible, so you'll understand HOW your loved ones think.

    For their entire JW career, they've been prepared on what to do if a family member becomes an "Opposer", which is what you'll be. They are highly-trained agents. Make no mistake, they love "Jehovah", more than they love ANY opposer.

  • stillstuckcruz

    I hate you leavingWt....cuz your probably right. :) So what about thought reform would you suggest? Explain to them how they've been manipulated? I'm so bad at this!!!!

  • leavingwt

    Let me add: Most of us have been where you are at. Many of us tried to reason with our loved ones. We had all of our facts straight. We failed miserably. This forum is chock full of stories of people simply being HONEST with their family, with the result being they were shunned by their closest "friends" and family.

    The challenge is not to locate facts/data that make sense. The challenge is to communicate with their authentic personality. They are motivated by Fear and Guilt. Fear of displeasing Jehovah -- by associating with apostates or reading apostate material -- is near the top of their list. They are 100% convinced that they have 'the truth' and no single fact will convince them otherwise.

    As you'll learn in Hassan's books, your goal is to empower them to think for themselves. This takes time. They must FIRST get past their irrational fear of 'apostate' literature. If they cannot overcome this fear, they will remain captive to the concept that WT is 'God's Organization'.

    You can preserve your family relationships, by not saying anything about this. You can control the timing. The only urgency is whatever urgency that you assing to this matter. However, once you say something critical of the organization, the control is out of your hands.

  • Anony Mous
    Anony Mous

    I am losing my family because I came out. It's a relieve of pressure to say the least and I think I will be happier out than in even if my family (and I have a 7 week old baby) shuns me.

    My question is, can you live with that? Can you believe a compassionate, loving God would require such things from your family? Can you maybe appeal to your family on their idea what kind of god God is? In the end they're probably going to adhere to a human organization and that human organization will eventually fail. Their business model is failing and people like you and me (young) are leaving in droves.

    You could say something like: I do not believe in God, I never did but I do want to believe in him. I think my baptism was based not on love for God but on emotional family ties. However I want to be able to find God on my own terms. Can I do that as a Jehovah's Witness without being disfellowshipped. If not, why not. I want to believe in a loving God but I cannot accept that a loving God would require the shunning of family members if we simply lose faith, simply based on family ties. I do not believe that Jesus ordered his 12 apostles to shun everybody that had just left him when he asked, do you not also want to go. I think he proposed them a choice and Jesus would have accepted their choice as he did the others.

  • leavingwt

    I hate you leavingWt....cuz your probably right. :) So what about thought reform would you suggest? Explain to them how they've been manipulated? I'm so bad at this!!!!

    We know how you feel. We really do.

    Step one is to read Steve Hassan's first book, 'Combatting Cult Mind Control'. Why? This will help you understand that WT is not merely a religion with errors. It's so much more complicated than this.

    You can only have a meaningful dialogue with your loved ones, if you're communicating with their 'authentic' personality. (If there were not born-ins, you can also refer to this personality as their pre-cult personality.) Deep down, they have a desire for freedom, we all do.

    Why is all of this so important?

    Because if you say or do the wrong thing in the beginning, you may close a door that can never be re-opened. On some of this stuff, you do not get a second chance.

  • stillstuckcruz

    Thanks guys. I really appreciate the support. At least I know I'm not by myself in this. I'm trying to find pdf version of steve hassan's book. Can't find it. I may have to have someone order it for me.

    This is going to be harder than i thought...and I already thought it was basically impossible. Im preparing myself for the worst as I believe thats what it will amount to. But I will try my absolute best to free them.

    My mom was a born in. Very close-minded. just saying....

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