Another case of JW shunning - these people have no respect!

by Robert7 13 Replies latest jw friends

  • Robert7

    As a quick background, only my mother and my MIL are JW's. My wife and I are inactive, but NOT DF'd or DA'd. My MIL (who has been great to us and treats us normally) has recently told me that "JWs don't shun". My mother is a die-hard JW who only talks to me because she has to as my mother.

    So this last weekend was my brother's wedding, and I was a groomsman. It was a non-JW wedding, and the only JWs there were my mom, MIL, and my mom's good friend and her husband. My mom's friend has known me for many years and I have talked to her many times.

    During the reception I was making my rounds greeting people. I see my mom's friend and her husband sitting at a table. I took the high road and walked up to greet them. I approached her husband first, likely caught him off guard, and shook his hand. Then I say hi to her, and she just sat there staring forward ignoring me, as if I didn't exist! I just said "OK" and walked away. (I admit it did catch me off guard, but I always believe to never draw attention from the bride/groom at a wedding, so I let it go)

    The fact that she shunned me really didn't bother me in itself, since I didn't know her too well and I could care less about her. What bothered me was that this JW, member of the 'perfect' faith and god's only chosen people, refused any decency to at least acknowledge me at my brother's wedding! I am her great friend's son and the groom's brother! I deserve at least enough respect to be acknowledged and have a basic greeting at a wedding. Gosh, I offered that to her! A wedding of all times is supposed to be a time of love and happiness!

    What these damn JWs don't realize is that this shunning just pisses me off and pushes me even more away from the faith (I am an atheist, so I'd never actually return), but worse just makes me hate the faith even more. It's kind of like when a customer has a good experience they tell 1 friend, but tells 10 friends when they have a bad experience. Instead of me raving what love JWs show to those who left the faith (and maybe theoretically that JWs aren't that bad), I am telling everyone the complete lack of love, decency, and respect they have.

    My summary: I am an atheist, she is a JW, member of god's only organization for salvation. At my brother's wedding I kindly walked up to her to greet her and make her feel welcome. She ignored me and refuse to even look at me. From the standpoint of any onlooker, who gave a better example?

    This just confirmed even more that it's a cult!

  • WildeLover

    Robert7, she has not a leg to stand on. you're not DFd or DAd so as your statsu is one of inactivity, she should ( from a JW point of view) be encouraging to you and being kind to you. "heaping fiery coals on your head" wiht a view to changing you but nope. she decided for herself that you are as good as DF'd etc and that my friend is judging. she has ni right to do that.

    ask your mother why her friend did that. ask her to explain how on earth that is christian or the right thing to do.

    shunnig has no scriptural basis and her attitude was way off. your wife must have been annoyed too! honestly, the self righteousness at times is unbelievable!


  • zoiks

    Did your MIL witness this person shunning you? The overly self-righteous and uber-dubs are also the best at anti-witnessing, and they don't even know it.

  • blondie

    We recently had a discussion here on JWN about the informal, unofficial practice of "marking" people, done supposedly by that individual's choice. So yes, they can "shun" you without needed congregational permission.

  • Robert7

    Oh, just to add, my mom and her friends are in the Polish congregation. We've talked how different areas have different cultures, and well, the Polish congregations, at least in the Chicago area, are quite a bit more hard-lined.

    Wildelover - You are right I should call her on it, but haven't done so yet... the weekend flew by!

    zoiks - No one saw the shunning... happened quickly, and I just let it go to not create any drama at the wedding.

    Blondie - So I have basically been marked. I've seen articles that said to treat inactive ones as DF'd, and they certainly are doing so. I can see it just in the way my mom greets me. She used to lovingly hug me. Now it's like she just lets me hug her. Sad.

  • LongHairGal

    ROBERT: I am sorry you experienced this. I love shunning threads because, not only have I been a 'victim' of shunning, I also was aware even while I was in the religion, that these people have no real power and the only way they can get petty revenge is to snub you. The problem is that JWs do not respect boundaries and there is a time and place for their stupid shunning routine. A function like this as well as a secular job (on somebody else's premises) is not it. I would just have a neutral half-smile on my face and would not go out of my way to greet JWs. I won't give them the satisfaction of playing their sick role!

  • nugget

    I have issues with the way people use shunning and marking in this way to punnish people. she would have been aware prior to the weding that you were likely to be in attendance and therefore she should have made a decision not to attend so as not to cause embarrasment at someone elses event. If she felt that strongly she was wrong to go to the reception and eat a meal with you. It seems she wanted to have all the benefits of being a guest with none of the manners.

  • Pams girl
    Pams girl

    You are the bigger man, offering a friendly hello, and showed more of a Christian attitude than her. Jehovahs representatives eh?! Its a joke. You won that one hands down.

  • breakfast of champions
    breakfast of champions

    She probably gave a shitty $25 gift as well...

  • cult classic
    cult classic

    You handled that well Rob7.

    The problem is that JWs do not respect boundaries and there is a time and place for their stupid shunning routine.

    So true LHG. And they think their approval and treatment of others puts the period at the end of the sentence.

    Many JWs are very arrogant.

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