Well, my wife and I are supposed to be visited by a couple of Elders soon, as part of a "Regular Shepherding Program". I am a Ministerial Servant in our congregation and our Circuit Overseer has been busting the BOE's chops each visit lately for not having a program in place for Shepherding. It was previously done on an "as needed" basis, but I guess he cracked the whip pretty hard on this last visit so they are going to try to get down to business.
My field service time hasn't been the greatest in the last few months, but probably not enough to get me removed because of a known personal circumstance. So, the visit should be routine. However, I have been contemplating stepping down as a Ministerial Servant for some time. I really don't feel like lying to my Elders about my lack of joy in The Ministry/Theocractic Activities, but I think I'm going to have to pretend everything is "normal". I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about the whole thing though. We have never had a Shepherding Call before, and even though I've been on a few and know they are typically benign, I'm paranoid that questions will start flying and I'll say something I'll wish I hadn't. I'd feel differently about it if they were just going to be meeting with me, alone. My wife will be there too.
She will have a meltdown emotionally if I unload on them during the visit. She can't handle the gravity of my current feelings and presumed lack of spirituality. While she agrees that I have valid reasons to doubt "The Truth", she doesn't think it is worth it emotionally/psychologically to make a quick and clean exit. She wants me to keep pretending everything is A-OKAY. So, for the time being, I will probably keep up the charade.
I'm not really looking for advise, but feel free to post some. I just wanted to share with someone.