Post your jokes here

by dm6 27 Replies latest social humour

  • dm6

    Hopefully this will get a good response because i love jokes, especially ones about the WT or JW's!

    Ill start it off.

    How do we know there are no female angels in Heaven?

    Answer: Revelations 8:1

  • moshe

    from our Rabbi:

    -Moses died and went to heaven.

    God greets him at the Pearly Gates.
    'Are you hungry, Moses?' asks God.
    'I could eat,' Moses replies.
    So God opens a can of tuna and reaches for a chunk of rye bread and they share it.
    While partaking of this humble meal, Moses looks down into Hell and sees the inhabitants devouring huge steaks, briskets, pheasants, pastries and wines. Curious but deeply trusting, he remains quiet.
    The next day God again invites Moses to join him for a meal.
    Again it's tuna and rye bread.
    And, again, Moses can see those denizens of Hell enjoying salmon, champagne, lamb, truffles, and chocolates. Still he says nothing.
    The following day, mealtime arrives and yet another can of tuna is opened.
    He can't contain himself any longer. Meekly, he says: 'God, I am grateful to be here in heaven with You as a reward for the pious, obedient life I led. But here in heaven all I get to eat is tuna and a piece of rye bread, and in that 'other place' , they all eat like emperors and kings! Look at the smorgasboard they have! I just don't understand.'

    God sighs, 'Oy', 'Let's be honest,' He says. 'For just two people, does it really pay to cook?

  • talesin

    I was told this joke about JWs long ago...

    When Mr. Jones died, he was immediately transported to heaven. St. Peter met him at the pearly gates, and said "let me take you on a tour".

    To Mr. Jones' surprise, heaven was a huge warren of rooms, one for each denomination. Doors were open, so that you could visit a friend from another denomination and re-connect, so to speak. As they walked, St. Peter would identify which religion was in the individual room, thusly,,,

    "Here we have the Baptists, they are having a church supper."

    "In this room are the Catholics, they love their Bingo."

    and so on ...

    There was one room that had a closed door. Mr. Jones asked St. Peter "Why is that door closed, and all the others open?"

    Holding his finger to his lips, St. Peter said in a quiet tone,,,

    "Shhhh,,, those are the Jehovah's Witnesses. They think they're the only ones up here."

  • dm6

    LOL talesin!!!!!!!!!!! I actually LOLd at that!

    Unfortunately i dont have the wit to understand moshes joke lol sorry

  • FatFreek 2005
    FatFreek 2005

    In Moshe's joke, there are only two in heaven -- period.

  • sabastious

    A boy approaches his Jewish dad and asks him for fifty dollars. The father replies, "40 bucks? What do you mean 30 bucks?"


  • talesin

    happy to give you a good laugh ,,,

    Q: "Are you one of Jehovah's Witnesses?"

    A:  "Hell, no!  I didn't even see the accident!"


  • dm6

    Fatfreak - now i feel really stupid lol

    ok heres another :

    Did eve ever have a date with adam?

    No, it was an apple.

  • sizemik

    An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.

    After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.

    The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, '$165,000'. The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets.

    The president was surprised and asked, 'What kind of bets?'

    The elderly woman replied, 'Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square.'

    The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.
    The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, 'Would you like to take my bet?'

    'Certainly', replied the president.. 'I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square.'

    'Done', the elderly woman answered. 'But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 ' clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.' 'No problem', said the president of the Bank confidently.

    That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that
    was no way he could lose the bet.

    The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.

    The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.

    The president was happy to oblige.

    The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. 'Of course', said the president. 'Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure.'

    The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, 'Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada !'

  • Low-Key Lysmith
    Low-Key Lysmith

    Q: What do you call a black man that flies an airplane?

    A: A PILOT you f*cking racist!!!

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