What would you say to a pregnant teenager and her parents?

by skeeter1 22 Replies latest social family

  • FlyingHighNow

    I hope that she will consider finding a wonderful, loving family for the child. My daughter kept her son. While I am glad that she did, I sometimes wonder if he would have been better off with a very fun, loving, comfortable family in an open adoption.

  • james_woods
    I think she really wanted it this way, honestly!

    Here I think you have analyzed the situation correctly.

    Only the person can change the person.

  • ABibleStudent

    Hi skeeter 1, how about saying, "Hi, and how are you feeling?" and then be quiet and listen to the girl. You don't have to fix anything. Ask her questions if you cannot be quiet, but listen to her and show her unconditional love. If the girl wants your help she will let you know when she feels like it. I do agree with you that it sucks that teenagers don't listen very well to adults and make many mistakes. Fortunately, it is their lives and not yours, so be thankful that you are a lot smarter than teenagers!

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,


  • umadevi

    What's done cannot be undone. IMO all you can do is to let her know that she has your support. The rest is up to her to decide.


    What would I say?..

    "Don`t get caught with your Pants Down"..

    .................... ...OUTLAW

  • james_woods

    Seriously, I have been thinking about what I might reply to a thread on the far-right Ferrari board I go to:

    It is - "Why do conservatives hate abortion?"

    I have an aversion to the practice as a form of birth control - not religiously (I no longer have a religion) - but, simply as a matter of humanity tower the tiny, and also in particular as that it could be used as a form of sex-selection or to launder out genetic unwanted qualities.

    What would I say to this girl? I think I would encourage her to do her best after the birth and to try to beat the obvious odds. (as it is apparantly too late to end the cycle of life). 'God' (nature) has a way of making new mothers look at things differently after the first delivery.

    Adoption? This depends entirely on the ATTITUDE of the new mother, not on the CIRCUMSTANCES.

  • jamiebowers

    Most important, is the girl living in the dirty trailer park with the boyfriend who has emerging anger issues? If that is the case, let her know in no uncertain terms that she and her baby are always welcome at your house if/when they need protection from him. Otherwise, tell her that you're there for her and the baby and that you will support her in whatever decision she makes about keeping it or giving it up for adoption, with work and education. But the boyfriend needs to get a job YESTERDAY!

    If she keeps the baby, celebrate the new life that's coming into your family. Every baby deserves that.

  • skeeter1

    Thanks everyone. I kind of did everything everyone said to do.

    I congradulated the new couple for their baby. Advised she keep the baby's health first, by going to prenatal visits, eating well, and walking each day. I said that a baby needs most of all, a safe and loving home, where both parents are actively providing for the baby. Mother Nature gives parents-to-be 9 months to emotionally, financially, and situationally prepare for the newborn. I encouraced the girl to finally get her driver's license (she's 18). I assured her that she'll be a good mother, but said that the boyfriend needed to get a job, YESTERDAY. I told them that they could make this work, if they were both committed. I think she's going to be depressed, and told her that the United Way provides prenatal counseling and young family services. I told her that a few times. I told her to put the baby first, even if that means giving up the baby for adoption. I had to do all of this in an e-mail, as we don't have her number. We live about 800 miles away.

    But, thank you everyone for supporting me. I'm not sure that this girl will listen to anything I have to say, anyway. She's hasn't listened to anything, even when we offered to pay for college applications, SATs, and birth control. I really think that she wants to be pregnant. It's her way of "proving" that she can do something right. It's the community she lives in - where 30% of the teenagers are pregnant. Her "best friend" had a baby earlier this year. When I was in school, it would be a huge embarrassment for a girl to be pregnant.


  • jgnat

    I was a teen mom. Battered wife, too. Life was a hard teacher, but I overcame the rough start. Some people just won't take the wise path..to start.

    Your anger comes from frustration over ignored advice. You've seen the train wreck coming, warned in advance, and you were still unheeded. Gotta get over that. A quote that has stuck by me for over forty years, is from Hannah Whitall Smith. It has never failed me, and has stood the test of time.

    The true secret of giving advice is, after you have honestly given it, to be perfectly indifferent whether it is taken or not, and never persist in trying to set people right.
    Hannah Whitall Smith, 1902

    I'll give an example. I befriended an au pair who in her short time in Canada, managed to get pregnant. She was fighting immigration for the right to stay in Canada rather than go back to her mother in her home country. I did not try and change her mind. I helped her. I sat down and wrote a list of things she would need to set up her kitchen. Her eyes goggled and a few days later decided to go back home. Last I heard, she was doing fine, dandling her little one on her knee at the beach.

    Reading the tag line, I thought the parents might be Witnesses. My advice would then have been "Don't tell the elders". They can mess up a personal crisis worse than anyone I know.

    If you think the living conditions are not safe for a baby, warn the parents that you would report to Children's Services if they don't.

  • Scully

    I would be hesitant to offer "carte blanche" support to a pregnant teenager who, by all accounts, knows better than to get herself in this situation.

    In my years working with new moms and babies, the single teen moms more often than not, were looking for (a) attention - from friends, family, anyone and (b) $upport - from any $our¢e they from whi¢h they ¢an a¢quire it. A lot of them hear from their friends that they can move out of their parents' home, and being pregnant, they qualify for housing and an allowance from welfare. They move their boyfriend in, have the baby and get more money. They get pregnant again, and their housing needs increase, so they move to a bigger place, and get more money again when the baby comes along. All this without lifting a finger in terms of contributing to society. I have even heard that some BF/GF couples refuse to get married or live together (officially) because both can qualify for separate apartments. The scheme then becomes that they secretly live together and rent out one of the residences under the table to get more money that they haven't worked for.

    They still manage to have the latest in cell phones, cars, clothes, too. They are spoiled, feel entitled to whatever they want, and have no qualms about their lifestyle.

    When that is the mentality you're dealing with, it takes every ounce of strength in me to not grab these lazy wankers by the shoulders and give them a good shake, and tell them to stop scrounging off the taxes that I pay, and get off their lazy arses and get real jobs.

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