What would you say to a pregnant teenager and her parents?

by skeeter1 22 Replies latest social family

  • skeeter1

    On the in-law side, someone is pregnant. Teenager. Unwed. No job, but does have a High School degree. The boyfriend has no job, is over 18, and ... a deadbeat with emerging "anger" issues....

    I feel a thousand emotions. I am frustrated, angry, mad, damn mad, scared, etc. I had tried for years to guide this girl to get her education, information about college, SATs, etc. I tried to get her to go to the doctor for birth control, convinced her mother and grandmother to take her to the doctor, we all had open communication about the subject, etc. Needless to say, the girl didn't apply for college and apparently didn't use birth control. I think she really wanted it this way, honestly!

    Now, I found out through my spouse that this girl is pregnant. No one from the family dared to tell me directly. I think they must feel very ashamed, angry, frustrated, mad, etc.

    So, what do I say to this girl and, more importantly, to her family? I don't know if she wants to keep the baby (which would be a disaster as she's now livign in a dirty trailer park ... moved out of house) or give it up to adoption, etc. Adoption would be the best thing. I think she's over the term limit for getting an "easy" abortion.

    My JW upbringing from stout JW parents would bring on the guilt trip, make her feel immoral and bad, worldly, wicked, etc. But, that's not the way I want to approach this.

    What advice can you give me on how to handle this. I need a bunch of help.

    What would you say?

  • EmptyInside

    You don't have to say anything. It's her decision if she is going to keep the baby. She can still get an education after the baby is born. Of course ,it will be harder than if she didn't have a child.

    A friend of mine got pregnant at 19,of course,she was working and the guy was older. She went through some hard times,but she is married now, and had other children. And the baby she had is grown and in college now. So,things can work out in the end. It just takes determination and hard work. Life happens.

  • FlyingHighNow

    I'd tell her you are there for her and will help give her support in making hard decisions. Then stick your tongue out at her and say, "I'm glad it's you and not me." (Pssst. That was to give a little levity to the situation.)

  • skeeter1

    LOL. The devil in me wants to skywrite - "Told You So."

  • leavingwt

    This sounds like a great opportunity to remain silent.

  • slimboyfat
    This sounds like a great opportunity to remain silent.

    I rarely avail myself of such opportunities.

  • mummatron

    My 2c/2p...

    Be supportive, but at arms length. She needs to face up to her responsibilities so make sure that the family offers her sensible advice in line with how SHE WANTS TO PROCEED, but doesn't do everything for her. She'll have a lot of growing up to do but will likely realise in a year or two that she needs to support her child in the best way she can, by then I'm sure she'll be far more open to encouragement re:college.

    Don't give her too much of a hard time over contraception, it'll bring up her defences. Accidents happen to all us. I should know, my daughter was the result of 2 forms of contraception failing, and I was 30 at the time and being sensible.

    She may surprise everyone. Some girls have really strong maternal feelings and being a young mum can be the making of them. It isn't all bad. Having youth on her side will help her with the physical aspects of pregnancy, labour and parenting.

  • serenitynow!

    This is what I would tell her:

    Give the baby up for adoption. As soon as she is able after delivery, get her on the shot, and get her condoms and make sure she knows how to use them. She should be using at least 2 forms of birth control! Get rid of the stupid boyfriend. Get a job. Get in school.

  • No Room For George
    No Room For George
    What would you say?

    I'd say, "Sucks to be you!! Ha!! Glad I'm a man, and not the father!!! "

    I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Me personally if I were you, I'd say to myself, "That's their business whatever they want to do and keep my opinions to myself."

  • Glander

    "I demand a DNA test!"

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