How do i overcome this guilt and fear?

by newcomer1982 38 Replies latest jw experiences

  • sizemik

    Welcome newcomer1982 . . .

    It's all been said . . . so I'll simply add my welcome and re-emphasise . . . what you feel is absolutely NORMAL

    Also . . . each one here is a product of their own personal experience. If you decide to fade from the religion or leave . . . there are some do's and dont's which will have a direct bearing on how your family will relate to you. Your own circumstances along with the personalities involved will also determine how things might end up. You need to determine what is appropriate for you personally.

    When and if that time comes, please use the advice and support you can recieve here

  • NewChapter

    Welcome NewComer. I have nothing more to add to what's been said except to add my voice. We've all experienced this to one degree or another. Do the reading and stick around. It gets better.


  • chicken little
    chicken little

    Welcome to the board, my son was born in 1983 and he was the first in our family to wake up to the fact that it was not "truth". He was sixteen and it was so hard for us to deal with. My husband was an elder and we had a younger daughter. It took another eight years before we were all out including our youngest son who is now 10.

    I had bad feelings for so long while I was in, coming out was a relief and my husband following me was so important. I can only suggest that you give yourself time, reassure your family of your love for them; do not explain too much. Tell them you need time to think things through and that it is between you and Jehovah, they find it hard to argue against this statement. Tell them your bible trained conscience is bothering you and you need to study alone to sort things out. I used this tactic and it worked in the sense that we were left alone and have not been disfellowshipped or shunned by the majority.

    The guilt and fear subsides when you realize that you have been under a form of mind control, I proved this by experimenting just before I left the congregation. One meeting I talked for a few minutes with some sister about Jesus, I mentioned his name five or six times in a few sentences and spoke of how he would handle things today. The looks on the faces of those sisters was one of uneasiness as if I had become born again or something odd like that. The next meeting I spoke with the same sisters and kept mentioning the faithful and discreet slave and the organization says this, and that....they did not blink an eye, they were relaxed and accepting of what I said. It really scared me because I could see plainly that they were only comfortable if it was from the organization and not so much Jesus. I stopped going the next week and have never been back.

    I did read the King James version of the bible following my departure and after six months of research I no longer felt the need to check up or study any more. I was free.
    Best wishes to you and your family, hope it turns out fine for you, my motto is "be true to yourself", anything else is just living a lie.

    Chicken little

  • leavingwt

    To get rid of your irrational fear of Armageddon, please read these two books:

    Combatting Cult Mind Control by Steve Hassan, available as a used paperback on Amazon for less than ten bucks.

    Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz, available as a password-protected PDF file, for about eight bucks.

  • finallysomepride

    Hi newcomer1982 & welcome

    I have not been here much in the last couple of months, so just catching up myself.

    Everyones different, I have been out for 10 years plus, but in the back of my mind hidden away in the very darkest corner there lurks guilt and fear, probably will never be eliminated as it's so engrained from birth.


  • bigmac

    hello newcomer 1982

    think of me as YOU in 35 years time

    my parents didnt shun me--my dad is 90--still an active JW--but we are very close in life--not in religion.

    why should your decision affect things between them & your child---if it does its THEIR decision

    as regards your child dying at armageddon--WHY?---just because some spiteful all powerful deity can?

    try atheism for a while--see if it improves your life or not.

  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    Hello and welcome! I would recommend the same two books LeavingWT recommended. Also, keep us posted on your progress. We're here for you!

  • DesirousOfChange

    Newcomer: I share those feelings of guilt and fear......and I haven't even left the building yet. Hanging in there, semi-hypocrite for parents, wife, kids, friends. Perhaps having one foot in the door makes it even worse. I don't know. I'm a born-in. Believed it all, hook, line & sinker, until it recently began to unravel -- the veil was lifted. Dealing now with the "where shall I go?" mind set and weighing out the risks and costs associated with "inactive" "fading" etc etc

    Best wishes.


  • Coffee House Girl
    Coffee House Girl


    I also know exactly how you feel- I have been out for 2 years now (seems unbelievable to me)... I remember two years ago the thought of telling my parents and family that I wanted to leave would give me a panic attack. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, I was so unhappy inside the organization that I prayed to Jeh everyday to die. I knew that was wrong and finally I got to a point where I could not go on, something had to happen, I had to get out.

    everyone has given the advise that I would give myself...when I first came to this forum I was still reeling from my decision to leave....I made a plan, I wrote my mom a letter explaining that I had to leave- I told the elders...they tried to get me to write a letter to DA myself, I lied and told them that I still believed in the "truth"- that got me out of being DFd for apostasy, but I still did at the time held onto the belief that I would die at armageddon-

    it took comming here and taking everyone's suggestions to read the books to really start deprogramming my guilt and fear-

    it takes time, may not believe me now but the reality is that armageddon is not comming...You do have time to research and find the truth for yourself, you do have time to make your own life, you do have time to achieve happiness in this life

    so please take some deep breaths and start reading, we are here to help you if you need to make a plan to fade


  • Ding


    Thanks for your honesty in admitting your fears.

    The whole WT system operates by guilt and fear.

    You have been indoctrinated and programmed to feel those feelings, so naturally you feel them.

    One antidote many JWs have used is to read the New Testament in a non-NWT translation without WT materials. I'd recommend starting with Galatians and Romans. When you see how the WT has twisted what the Bible really says, the organization's indoctrination can be broken.

    Another antidote is to go to and read some of the old WT literature, things Russell and Rutherford and Fred Franz wrote that are such nonsense that the WT doesn't want you to know it was ever written.

    For example, Russell "proved" that Jesus returned invisibly in 1874 and that World War I was Armageddon. This was "the truth" then.

    In The Finished Mystery, Rutherford taught that Michael and his angels were the Pope and his bishops! This was "the truth" then.

    In the same book, he connected a Bible number to the distance from Scranton, PA to Brooklyn, NY by way of the Hoboken ferry! This was "the truth" then.

    In Millions Now Living Will Never Die, Rutherford used the Jubilee cycles in the Bible to "prove" that Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, would be resurrected in 1925. He got the WT to build a mansion called Beth Sarim in San Diego for them to live in when they arrived. This was "the truth" then.

    When they didn't show up on schedule, Rutherford moved in!

    In Life Everlasting in Freedom of the Sons of God, Fred Franz changed the WT's date for the creation of Adam by 100+ years and used his new "trustworthy Bible chronology" to prove that 1975 would be "an appropriate time for God to act" in bringing Armageddon and the new system. Brothers were encouraged to forego education, careers, families, and homes in order to pioneer in the remaining months before Armageddon. This was "the truth" then.

    The more of this you read right out of WT publications, the more you will realize that the same people that wrote this nonsense are the same people that have planted the constant guilt and fear of Armageddon in your head.

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