I know I would still be a slave of the WT if the pedophile had not moved into the congregation. My elder husband had so much control over me that every time I questioned anything about the religion he had an answer to shut me up. It was a lot like Cult Classic said her husband did the first time she questioned the FS.
Even when dateline aired in 2002 and I was going through hell with the body of elders about my abuisve parents my husband told me that it was all probably just made up. Even with us knowing the Anderson's at Bethel and knowing that they would not just say or do things against the religion unless they had proof, I must have still wanted to believe the religion I guess. It was the easy route. I did not have to think or fight just do as I was told. It was the fighting that caused me to stay. Every question I had wound up in a fight, my husband telling me my thinking was skewed. All I was around were JW's and I was the only one who thought things were wrong so I believed I had to be the crazy one. How could I be the only one who saw things so differently? Thank God for this board.
Then it hit me square in the face when a man who I knew had raped kids moved into the hall. If I had not known of his past he would have been running mikes and handing out literature, the elders did not get a letter from his former hall saying he was a child molester like we are told they do. It did not happen nor would it if I had not been on them. I am sure he would have been an MS by now if it were not for me not that I am bragging it is just the way it was. I did the unthinkable and went against the elders, I challenged them. I almost had a nervous breakdown. I lost 20 pounds did not sleep more then two to three hours a night for almost a year. But I could not stop. I just knew in my heart that my thinking was not skewed or that I was nuts this time like I always let myself believe before. The religion was crazy I fianlly understood, not me like the elders truly told me to my face that I was crazy.
It was then I had to make a chose to stand against evil or go with the flow. Going with the flow would have been easy but I just could not do it it would have killed. It has almost cost my marriage and if it were not for this board I would have went crazy trying to understand why I was being treated like I was.
I wish my husband was not still a believer I just cannot grasp how he can see the pain I have been in the sleepless nights and my sadness how horribly I have been treated by the elders, yelled at treated worse then pond scum and still say that he feels God is with the cult? I envy all of you who have left with your mates.
I just really appreacate all of you so much leavingwt your posts are so great as is the new ones like totallyADD. There are so many that I relate to such as Cult Classic Midgwich, Flipper and his wife. I swear this board has saved my life. There have been many times dying seemed my only out.
Without this board I would probably still be trapped as I do not think I would have had the knowledge to get the strength to leave. I am just so gald this board it here.