Still Amazed to Have Escaped

by leavingwt 32 Replies latest jw friends

  • cult classic
    cult classic

    I'm with you guys on this.

    I was always chastised for questioning "Jehovah's arrangement" while at home. And I remember the first time I criticized the GB after I arrived at Bethel. My husband called me an apostate. Boy did that reinforce the fear of losing all of my loved ones. I plodded along, buried myself even deeper in Watchtowerworld and enjoyed what was good about my life.

    Six years ago my husband started dissecting the Greek scriptures and WT teachings during the meeting. He picked apart everything that was wrong for him about the religion and the lifestyle. One Sunday afternoon he got so angry that he ripped up and threw a WT magazine out of the car window. And that was a big deal because he thinks all litterers should burn in hell, if there was one...LOL.

    He was ready to write up letters DA'g ourselves. But for the sake of my relationship with my siblings we agreed to just walk away so that I would have some hope of maintaining contact with them. So we just dropped off the scene. We had never been so happy and relieved.

    My husband drives me crazy sometimes because he says, no less than once a day, "Babe, can you believe we got out?" I'm like "uh, yeah, if you hadn't called me an apostate when we first got married, we'd have been out." LOL

    I hope to get my siblings out.

  • Alfred

    LeavingWT... I hear you man... On a scale of 1 to 10, my stress level dropped from about 7 to 2 after reading Crisis of Conscience and several other books... My wife took about 4 months or so to convince, but once she woke up, her stress level dropped from about 9 to 1... We were always trying so hard to meet our "theocratic" goals but always felt that we should be doing more if we wanted to be accepted by Jehovah... Thank God we're free!!! We're both much happier now than ever...

  • MrFreeze

    leavingwt, I was thinking about this very thing today, as I thought about my parents and old-JW brothers and sisters at the convention the past weekend. I thought it was definitely amazing how I somehow managed to escape and avoid being stuck there with them over the past weekend. I don't honestly know how I ever worked up the courage to leave.

  • jamiebowers
    I consider myself very foturnate to have gotten out alive.

    Yes, I literally feel that way. Had I stayed in, I'm certain my jw husband would've gotten around to killing me as he was threatening to do. The difference for me, though, is the timing. There was no internet for the general public 24 years ago, so I left and remained a believer figuring I'd rather die a quick death at Armageddon than a torturous one at the hands of someone who claimed to love me and Jehovah.

  • Crisis of Conscience
    Crisis of Conscience

    I believe there should be a continual effort to bump this thread for lurkers and newbies. Excellent, LWT!

    Newbies/lurkers. What you have read thus far is exactly how many of you are/have feeling/felt. It's not a lie. Address your feelings and seek help to be released from the bonds of mind control.

    For myself, while I still do attend the meetings semi-regulary in hopes of aiding my wife to wake up, I am completely mentally disconnected. I have even reached the point where I have been able to admit to my wife that I no longer fear the future without the org and that I no longer find the JWs important or that they have the truth. (Still kind of get the blank stare for that.)

    The struggle is only to walk away because of the loss you can take socially. But I am being procactive in making an effort to build relationships outside of the org. It seems to be looking up as I am very sociable and have never had trouble making friends. I still have to consider my wife but she isn't a hardcore JW mentally, she just isn't ready to think for herself in all aspects.

    While I have not escaped physically, it really is amazing how much progess I feel I have made since I woke up about 3 years ago. The crutch of the holy spirit guiding God's org despite countless mistakes and politics are what woke me up. I read Crisis of Conscience and Combatting Cult Mind Control and have spent countless hours on this site, as well as visited regularly with a therapist, which undoubtedly helped in releasing me mentally.

    But I especially want to thank those who share their experiences here, for that is truly where I got my courage to make moves like resign as a MS, stop the ministry, etc. No more JW tasks for salvation.

    And I especially thank those that are/were straight forward in sharing their experience without acting like every aspect of the WTS was miserable. It's not the people, it's the leadership and what it does to the people.

    I hope I didn't get to far off topic but thank you for the help everyone has given here whether they realize it or not.


  • NewChapter

    I was a true believer too. I got seriously ill and got away from the constant indoctrination. This allowed me to think critically. While researching the flood I realized how untrue it was. That was it. If you can't believe the flood, you can't be a witness. I have no family in and my friends had long stopped associating with me. I was just too weak and had too many questions. One friend actually dropped me without warning and told me she was tired of defending Jehovah around me. I wasn't even "apostate" at that point!

    It was only after I left that I finally read some "apostate" material. Even though I know it's not the truth, my eyes continue to be opened to the actually abuses of the organization. I went from thinking they were misled to thinking they were pure evil. (the gb that is). Every day it becomes more evil in my eyes---and shunning is the most despicable practice of them all.

    I am glad every day that I escaped. And so very glad I never convinced any family to join the cult. I would have lost them. I was also fortunate that I could look up old friends that I had dumped for the org, and they accepted me back with open arms.


  • blond-moment

    I was bass ackward. I left, but never stopped believing. I just recently woke up to the truth of the "truth". What a fargin trip. I have been doing a lot of looking back, I am just shocked that I didn't wake up sooner. I started a new free thinking life years ago, very happy, very full, but when it came to the WTS, I always figured I would go back one day, hopefully before armageddon struck. I honestly think the reason I held on to the beliefs is they were the my connection to my family. As long as I didn't completely sever, or cross the line by finding out the truth, there was hope.

    For years, I was bodily free, and now I am mentally free. Most I talk too, woke up mentally long before leaving bodily. I always have to do things the hard way haha.

    I agree, being free is great. The biggest thing for me, I had no idea how much fear I had going on, how much I was still carrying on my shoulders. It is a bittersweet release. I am free, but I know I have probably lost my family for good. You never know tho. I have been making youtube videos, partly for myself, talking about it is a form of release. Part of me hopes if my family ever sees them, they can understand why I can't come back. I kind of hope they will see them, but like so many I read, listen to and talk to, there is a need to help others out. I don't feel like I can just sit by and not try and help.

  • leavingwt

    I have really been enjoying all of your responses and comments.

    blond-moment: Welcome the forum! Congratulations on your newly found freedom! Cherish it!

  • sizemik

    May I add my welcome blond-moment . . .

    Feel free to start a thread introducing yourself if you wish . . . then we can all give you a big handshake and hello . . . we love to do that.

    I feel similar lwt . . . although I can't really claim any personal credit for having worked it out. I was simply eyewitness to, and involved in such hideous and hateful events . . . that I almost felt pushed out. I'm more thankful than amazed . . . thankful to those spiteful assholes who shook some sense in to me.

    With a wife, and three young sons who escaped baptism . . . I'm extremely grateful.

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite

    Welcome blond-moment!

    I'm still in the process of excaping, and I have that amazed feeling, too. I couldn't have done it without the Internet and all the wonderful posters here on JWN!

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