assemblies and my lovely wife

by stillin 34 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Gorbatchov

    The demonstrations at conventions are these days crazy. Not realistic at all. So I'm only frustrated at conventions because I drive an old car and don't own a big mercedes, BMW or volvo SUV, last year there were even 2 Hummers at the parking of the convention. Brother corporate parked just his car there!

  • free&happy


    As you are disenchanted and frustrated with the unrealistic portrayals of so-called "happy" witness life and perfect brothers, so your wife is probably just as disenchanted and frustrated with the unrealistic portrayals of how being a perfect submissive sister should fill her with joy and contentment. Probably not because she expects more from you, but because deep down she is sick of being considered a mere extension of and subject to male figureheads (i.e. you, elders, etc.) and wishes to be considered an equal partner.

  • AnthonyMorrisXIII

    Stillin, Interesting observation on the fallout from attending conventions, seems very plausible.

    I have to agree that demos and experiences given at conventions are B.S., most of the time. I was roped into a part about how [email protected] fantastic the WT is for youth circa 1979 (Dudley, UK), most of what I ended up saying was just not true, even mentioning an activities park in the area, which I had never been to, or ever got the chance to go there. They even got us singing the dumb kingdom song about youth from the platform.

    My misses is a regular pioneer and often gets invited to participate, and her first draft of the experience bears no resemblance to the final presentation. Why do you think they have all those practice sessions? Along comes the CO and heavily vetts, cajoles, pressurizes, word/phrase-replacement, getting just the right buzz words, and hey presto the WT has taken over the personal expressions of the indiviual.


    (PS. A happy moment. Last year's autumn CA. When no-one stood up to baptized during the Baptismal talk, ha, ha , ha, ha)

  • discreetslave

    When one is unfulfilled, unhappy, guilty or ashamed over something they can take it out on their mates.

    This was true of me. I was unhappy. I couldn't live up to the JW dream and I took out my frustration by picking on my husbands faults. The worse I felt the more I picked on him, the less I respected him and the less I wanted to have sex.

    It would always get worse around assembly/dc time. Your supposed to put on the fake smiles and be the ideal couple despite having torn each other's head off the night before or that morning. You feel guilty for not being a good JW then you are presented with the ideal on the platform. The cycle goes on & on.

  • discreetslave

    @ Stillin sorry you can't see the cycle chart (odd I can see it) I'll cut & paste info

    The high standards set for JW's can lead to unhappiness and a feeling of unfulfillment. I found myself guilty of these things even though I loved my husband. From the day I broke free from the JW mindset our relationship has improved. We're like newlyweds. My husband remaining kind and loving despite my being a bitch at times made it easy to beg his forgiveness and work towards a healthy relationship. My husband is still in JW land but I hope that the improvement in our relationship despite my leaving the religion will help him wake up.

    Cycle of Abuse (
    1st phase Tension Builds - Criticism, Yelling,Swearing, Coercion, Anger

    The tension building stage begins when the abuser becomes increasingly controlling. It can take days, weeks, or even years for this stage to evolve and progress. Most of the time the tension-building stage does not happen until a couple has known each other for a long period of time, after the couple moves in together or gets married. The victim frequently feels like he or she is “walking on eggshells,” and tends to accommodate the abuser in order to keep peace or please the abuser. The tension and control increase, cultivating into the abuse stage.

    2nd phase Explosion - Attacks & threats (verbal, emotional,physical,sexual)

    The explosion stage is a major verbally, emotionally or physically abusive incident that is instigated by the abuser. After a long tension-building stage, a certain event is usually the trigger of the explosion stage. This is the shortest stage, but often increases in severity each time through the cycle. During this time, it is not safe for the victim to fight back or retaliate; the victim can only wait it out. Victims often deny or minimize the seriousness of the injuries to the abuser to soothe them or avoid further abuse.

    3rd Phase Honeymoon period - Apologies, promises, blaming, gifts

    The last stage is the remorse/honeymoon phase. The abuser has calmed down and is very apologetic about his or her behavior. They promise they will never do it again and convince themselves and the victim they are serious this time about changing. The abuser is often very loving and kind, even promising to get help. This stage can very confusing and emotional for victims because they are seeing the caring and loving side of the partner they originally fell in love with. The abuser may blame him or herself for the explosion and gives hope to the victim that this is the last time.

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