I was disfellowshipped sometime around 1996 or 97. At the time, no congregation member was allowed to speak to you except for immediate family members. At any rate, my mom and sister talked to me on the phone regularly. I'm assuming this stricter chokehold was instituted within the last 5 or so years since I got an email from my mom more or less stating the new policy and pretty much just saying it's because 'we're so close to the end now,' etc, ad nauseum.
A year later, she called me and asked me to fly out there to stay for a month. My sister paid for the airfare. I guess my mom was having problems withdrawing from a medication and my sister needed help to look after her since she was emotionally exhuasted. I asked my mom why she chose to associate with me when I was there. She told me she felt I was not disfellowshipped by Jehovah. When I made it clear during one of our debates that I had no intention of returning to the kindom hall, I could tell by the end of the visit that that was it. Her last words were, "I'll send you an email." I could see the diplomatic lie in her face.
I was cut off again. Naturally, I felt rather used as a babysitter for my mentally ill mom. I have bi-polar disorder and problems of my own and resented that I would be 'used' as a babysitter to give my sister a break from my moms mental health dramas.
A year ago she contacted me [my mom] to let me know she had breast cancer again. We talked for a half hour. She dropped a few 'kingdom' hints, but didn't press it. Then no more contact. I sent an email about a year later, not expecting a reply. Hey, if I contact her, she can't be blamed, right? The next day, she'd set up a facebook profile, listed me as her daughter and had friended me and another disfellowshipped person on my friends list I'd grown up with [he's gay]. The next day she was gone, vanished like a fart in the wind. Me and the friend were a bit puzzled, but we shrugged it off. I'm sure she probably told my sister and was warned against having a facebook...or else. etc...ad nauseum.
I know my mom hates this. I hate it. I was disfellowshipped for smoking and my stepfather is a member in good standing although for the past 15 years we have tried with the elders, off and on, to get some justice for the fact that he sexually abused me and my three sisters. Another sister finally came out about him sexually abusing her too. Eventually, she gave up pressing it as the resistence and 'Star Chamber' tactics the elders use, what with their antiquated tribunals opened up, traumatized her all over again. She, my sisters and myself were asked to send the elders at his congregation letters of testimony. To the best of my knowledge, nothing else further was done. They were afraid to press it further 'as he was depressed' at the time.
Whatever. Give me a break!
I recall the third or so time I tried to get the matter looked into. [My stepfather was a congregation hopper, trying to evade discipline and the elders too indifferent to care or trace and track him down] I explained the situation to the PO of the congregation he was involved with and the first question he asked me was "And just how long ago did this happen?" Give me a break! How irrelavent! How about the years of therapy I've been involved with to heal? Is there a statute of limitations within the organization now? How about my sanity? It has no statute of limitations!
I had even tried on a previous occasion to write Bethel soon after I was disfellowshipped, explaining the situation and my stress. The letter I got back sidestepped the abuse and tried to focus my attention on 'regaining my standing with Jehovah and the congregation' Unbelievable!
My stepfather has a granddaughter who's about 5 years old now, who apparently he's so crazy about. That's why the other sister who came out about all of it, approached the elders, my mom and sister and I. Out of concern for the little girl. After the elders didn't give any of us any update on the situation, I approached the police in my city. Apparently it's a jurisdictional thing. So since I have no idea where his address is, there is little I can do at this point to help the little girl. What a f*ck story!
I realize most of this doesn't actually address your question, but once I started typing, my mind and fingers just did as they would. Since I'm 'out of the loop' now, I don't know what, if anything further, they've added to their policy. I can say I'm extremely grateful to just be away from there. I consider it nothing short of a miracle that I'm alive [haven't offed myself] and that I've crawled out of there as well as I have. I was raised from the age of 2 as a witness, which means a lot of what I learned was hard wired into my young, formative body and mind. It's a hard habit to break. And it is a habit. When I was disfellowshipped, at the time the most logical move was to join the Mormons. It was a safe-feeling transition at the time. "The Witnesses preach from door to door, the Mormons preach door to door. The Witnesses don't believe in the trinity, the Mormons don't believe in the trinity." Etc...ad nauseum.
Thanks for letting me rant and again, I'm sorry if much of this wasn't awfully helpful.
P.S. Can anyone please point me to any posts that explain how to use the posting features? I'm used to phpBB formatting and apprently Firefox wont let me use some features like quoting the original poster. Also, why are there so many restrictions on posting. Is the flamer/troller situation that bad here or what?
