Great discussion on everyone's part. Thanks. Lots of food for thought.
Bad day in Athiest/Jehovah's-Witnessville
by Nickolas 36 Replies latest jw friends
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exwhyzee
The girlfriend was likely more put off by the hold the JW Mother has over her boyfriend rather than the JW Mother herself.
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Judge Dread
That "young woman" was looking for an "out" and she found it.
Nothing else to say.
JDW
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Nickolas
This has been expressed by several:
Not as much as seeing that the man I was planning to marry couldn't stand up to his mother.
And on greater reflection I have come to think the same thing. It was probably, at least, a contributing factor. We have had a three way conversation and my wife calmly explained to our son that it was his responsibility to have brought up the issue either before or after it arose and, surprisingly, she said she would not have objected had he insisted on shared accomodations, so long as I had no objection either. He is a grown man and she is not his spiritual keeper. Whether or not the two of them would be sufficiently comfortable with the arrangement afterward, thinking perhaps they would be judged according to Watchtower moral standards (which my wife insists she would not) would be a consideration, but the onus was on my son regardless.
I have overreacted, but my ire was directed not so much toward my wife but the Watchtower, or more precisely her association with it. It is a label, maybe even a prejudice I need to acknowledge. If you are a Jehovah's Witness you cannot help but project an image of intolerance toward the morals of those who do not believe as you do whether or not that image is justified which, in this particular case, it is not and probably never has been. That label has on other occasions got in the way of the course of my life but this time it did not have to.
This has been a worthwhile conversation. Thank you all for being up front and generous with your perspectives and advice. Time to move on.
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IsaacJ22
I don't know what it's like where you live (apparently this isn't so uncommon in some parts of the country judging by other posts) but I tend to agree that this is a pretty weak motive for splitting up. Maybe the girl has an issue with guys with overbearing moms and is overly sensitive to this issue? That's about the only real sense I can make of it, unless her future MIL behaved badly during the visit. Even then, it would have to be awful enough that it would surely have been obvious to you.
I will admit that assigning them separate rooms was pretty old school, perhaps a smidge controlling, too. It's certainly a way of imposing her morals onto them, though it is half her house. Still, if that were my future MIL, I might think that she won't be easy to get along with, but I don't think I would split up a relationship over it. I'd probably cut my visit as short as I could, though.
Then again, I barely see my own family, much less my in-laws. :-) So maybe I'm not the best one to ask. Or, regarding what's "normal" in different areas, maybe you're neighborhood is at one end of the extreme while mine is somewhere in the middle. Just as some who have posted here might be at the opposite extreme from your own.
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flipper
AGUEST- Peace to you as well - dear one ! I respectfully disagree back to you on your opinion. Part of the problem of religious people is they try to control and insert themselves into people's private lives regarding personal relationships and cross personal boundaries which they have NO business doing. They become judgmental control freaks who wish to cause duress and unneeded stress in people's lives.
Religious people think that their adult kids are going to jump each others bones in their parents house while visiting ? Usually they won't as they'll feel like being quiet and not waking up their parents with adult grunts and groans ! It's just a JW mother ASSUMING that the adult kids would boink each other which is not her concern, it's none of her business. It's crossing personal boundaries. Whether they are in her house or not.
I guess if the mom was REALLY concerned if they sleep together making love - she might sit in a rocking chair all night and watch to see if the covers start moving in irregular fashion. I mean, come on- it's just ridiculous. Let the adult kids be ADULTS for Christ's sakes ! People need to grow up and lose their prudishness . It's not like the son was " sleeping with a stranger " as you mentioned - he was leeping with a lady he was contemplating marriage to ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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Qcmbr
I have had several intense discussions with my bishop re this ( during car shares!) My position (re my own children when of legal age) is that I will give them full information on pros / cons and let them decide within the boundaries of taste and respect for rest of us - e.g. No wild sex at 3 in the morning on the kitchen table ( that's my spot!) but they can sleep together on their room. Bishop got mad when I said that it is overstepping boundaries by enforcing personal religious rules on the pretext of 'house rules'.I said it's a form of power abuse as he'd probably not apply this rule to casual aquaintences he was hosting but he would on his 20 year old son and his partner.
My MIL has done worse. BIL and partner ( expecting his child) were refused a room in MIL house when they fell on hard times unless they agreed to sleep separately ( one on couch). I was livid since she was also subletting another room to missionaries. I guess the church for her is more important than family.
Objectively your son's girlfriend may well have done the wise thing for her as it is not in her objective interests to be associated with a cult by relation. The wrenching thing is your innocent son gets to suffer. Belief in invisible people over and above real , related people is pretty sick.