I decided not to go back to the KH

by Bucholz 36 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Bucholz

    Well, as I mentioned before in one of my few other posts, I've been lurking here for some time now and finally decided it was time to face the facts and take action.

    I was raised a JW (4th generation) and my parents were quite zealous when they got married. Mom was a Regular Pioneer and Dad was a MS. I was the little JW 'rockstar' in my congregation, got baptized at 10, was giving talks and serving as an attendant at the hall and at conventions at such an early age. Auxiliary pioneered whenever I could. When I was 19 my parents divorced and eventually faded but I continued showing that 'zeal'. I had never questioned anything about the Watchtower, genuinely believed it was the truth, and tried to share it with whomever it was possible.

    But then I started thinking. "We preach so much but hardly anyone comes to the KH, are we using the right method'? Then there was the common gossip you find in every congregation, people talking about other people behind their backs, 'elderettes' you name it. I thought I had to work on my faith, so I started reading the bible more and praying. Then some scriptures started troubling me, such as when Jehovah kills 70,000 because David took a census, when Moses ordered the troops to kill all the children and women etc. I started to realize that the WT had been proclaiming the end was close for more than 100 years. I started visiting some websites, this one being the most helpful, and realized I was not alone. I bought Crisis of Conscience and 'devoured' it within one week. The generation change in 1995, the procedure the GB uses to make decisions, the Malawi-Mexico double stantard etc. It was so interesting and shocking to read at the same time. Still, I thought, "even if this religion made (and continues to make) some mistakes, we're still better than the rest, with their 'silly' beliefs in trinity, hellfire, etc. So I continued.

    I had my awakening moment in the middle of last years DC. I already knew (from reading it here btw) that there was going to be a change concerning the 'Generation that will not pass away' but didnt really give it second though. But when the speaker started discussing the overlapping generations, I just felt like throwing up, for real. It didn't make any sense! I will not go into depth as to why as it has been discussed here a lot of times. What also shocked me is that it seemed like nobody noticed, and later when I asked people to explain the 'new light' they didn't really get it. They were explaining the previous 'light'. Even though my parents are no longer active, I have friends with which I want to remain in contact (even though I now know their 'friendship' is conditional).

    I decided I was going to play their game, continue going to meetings and keep field service to the lowest possible. It worked for a little while, but then it got too difficult to even sit through an entire each meeting. I missed one meeting, then I missed another one and so on. I've been absent for 3 months now. This last month was the first I didnt hand in a time slip. Luckily, no elders have contacted me yet, but I have decided I'm not going back again.

    These last months I've been enjoying life, getting to know new people, looking at them in the eye and knowing that they won't be destroyed along with 99% of humanity simply because they are not JWs. So in my mind I have already made my decision: Today is day one of the rest of my life. If you've been reading this far thanks a lot, and I look forward to continue interacting with all of you.

  • Hopscotch

    Bucholz well done on waking up. As you say today is day one of the rest of your life so make the most of every single day of your freedom out of the JW cult.

    All the best


  • umadevi

    Congrats Bucholz, and welcome!

    These last months I've been enjoying life, getting to know new people, looking at them in the eye and knowing that they won't be destroyed along with 99% of humanity simply because they are not JWs.

    Keep posting!

  • thetrueone

    Why ? don't you like pretentious power and corruption by opportunistic ignorant men ?

  • Gayle

    wow, congratulations,,interesting your developmental stages of finding yourself and your freedom of mind and life. You've outgrown them.

  • wolfman85

    Hi, remember, God knows what there is in the heart, so if He killed all those people for sure they were not or not going to be good people. God and Jesus aren't the WT.

  • godrulz

    Congrats on your new freedom. I trust you will consider finding out who the real God and Jesus are (Jesus is YHWH in the flesh) and not throw the baby out with the bathwater. You were in a pseudo-Christian cult started by Charles Taze Russell. This does not mean that there is no God or that biblical, historical, orthodox Christianity is not out there. God bless in your faith journey.

  • wheres caleb?
    wheres caleb?

    Bucholz, I enjoyed reading your post. Many of your comments suggest that you have the tools to enjoy your life away from those that only pretend to be happy, much less fulfilled.

    Witnesses exist in an either-or state: They are either delusional or they are in a state of denial. That is how they choose to exist. They create their own reality and that is why they can make claims that are not observable. What credibility do they still deserve?

    I don't believe that witnesses are evil, even though I have come across some really bad people in the org and even in Bethel. The bad ones are just delusional and guided by their distorted view of themselves.

    The leadership among the JWs are like poor parents. You can love your children or just feel the need to raise them right, but that doesn't make you a good parent. Just look at how they treat each other. I have seen COs and even DOs that judge and look down on the ones that they are supposed to be shepherding. Suspicion of one's motives is commonplace.

    My favorite part of your post is reading how you are enjoying your life. You can enjoy your life away from brains that have atrophied. I am enjoying my life too. Look forward to reading more from you.

  • WontLeave

    falsegod is correct. JWs were started by CT Russell. You should check out the Pentecostal church falsegod attends, because it was started by escapees from an insane asylum after they'd ingested near-lethal doses of LSD. Not even the venom from the snakes they handled could hurt them after that episode. Once in a while a flashback or a result from heavily-damaged brain cells will cause them to speak unintelligibly or fall down and shake on the ground, but they just attribute that to Holy Spirit, so it's okay.

  • grewupjw1969

    Congrats!!! I really enjoyed your post. Welcome to your New life. ENJOY!!!

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