I have just left my parents home and the JW's about six months ago and have found it hard to get over.

by StephanieH 51 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Magwitch

    Oh Dear Stephanie, my heart goes out to you. You are going through way too much. Living with alcoholic parents is no joke. I hope you have gone on line and joined a website for children of alcoholics - it has been a huge help to a lot of my friends (of any age)

  • StephanieH

    Thank you to everyone for your suport I really was not sure what to expect when I joined. I think it might be a good idea to seek out other exjws near by.

  • StephanieH

    Tal, thank you it's hard to get past the guilt and thought of it all. I have always asked myself and God what is so wrong with me. It has been hard to realize that it is the JW's who are wrong.

    Nic, I think finding people near by who are exjw's would be a great help but I'm not sure where to find them. I live in a small town that is surrounded by a bunch of other small towns.

    Mag, thanks and no I haven't joined any websites for children of alcoholics but I have friends as well as cousiling that I go to that have helped me to deal with that. I myself have had trouble with alcohol in the past because my parents would practicly force it on me. I have sought out help with that and have been 'sober' for almost a year.

  • nicolaou
  • EntirelyPossible

    Did someone say lesbian?

  • NewChapter

    Wow Stephanie. I just can't believe how brave you are! You left home when you had nowhere to go. That just amazes me. You are going to be fine, I am sure of it. Have you tried to contact your mother?

    Welcome girl. You are one of my heros now. I am going to send you a pm.


  • transhuman68

    Welcome StephanieH. I left the Witnesses when I was 20. and had a 'super-apostate' heavy-drinking father and a mentally out-to-lunch JW mother, so I know where you are coming from. Don't have any doubt that the Witnesses are nutty- do your research and find out everything the Witnesses try to cover up- then forget them and live your life!

  • cantleave

    Welcome, breaking away from the cult is the first step, deprogramming yourself is the second, Living your life your way is the ultimate goal. Good Luck.

  • Band on the Run
    Band on the Run

    When I started college, the change was so hard I thought I would die from loneliness. My whole life I fantasized all would be well when I was eighteen and started college. My father was in the process of pulling me from school against my will when he died. Children of alcoholics develop similar traits to survive. These traits save lives. They are destructive for adults. Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families is a Twelve Step group. Any Witness should amply fit in.

    When I was your age, I thought I could control all. I had no successes or the reverse by which to gauge progress. If something did not happen instantly, I believed it would never happen. One fact I think many people ignore is how extremely hard it is to abandon the Witnesses and family even, maybe especially, when they are highly dysfunctional. Psych. calls this a trauma bond.

    Another item that I have expertise with the covert abuser. My father actively abused me. He is the clear monster. My mother, whom I loved so much, abused me by not walking out, not setting boundaries, and going with fear, rather than risk and courage. She could not do any different b/c she came from a loony, dysfunctional WT family. This disease drives down generations.

    Yet another thing I've noticed throughout life is that circumstances matter. I've made no friends in some settings and a wealth of friends in others. The same thing is true with men. I lived in Manhattan which was conducive to find people I meshed with but now I'm in an exurb and lonely. There is no correlation between loneliness and social skills. People with extraordinary social skills can be very lonely. I'd sugges time is the strongest element on your side.

    People told me this when I was a teenager. I thought it was ridiculous. Sometimes you just go through the same crap your age peers are enduring, too. Your age is difficult for someone from a fab background. It is also a wonderful age in terms of discovery and deciding who you will be. KNowledge learned in school can make you heady, too.

  • nugget

    Welcome to the board. You have achieved so much despite all the problems you have faced and deep down you have the strength to pursue happiness and attain it. It is very hard but you have done the right thing, the elders behaved very badly as have your Dad and step mum but despite them all you have had the courage to make positive changes in your life.

    You are so young and your life so full of promise and it is hard to have to rebuild a new support network from scratch but you have made progress. Contact those on this board that have gone through similar experiences and use us to vent to and get support. Take each day as it comes life will get better but allow the healing process to take time.