Did you ever shun someone close? How did you feel? (page 2)

Nice_Dream

My sister wasn't even DF'd, but she was living with her "wordly" boyfriend so I stopped associating with her. I didn't even go to her wedding, something I will always regret. I wasn't even a great JW, but I felt like I needed to shun her to help her come back. My husband told me I couldn't go to her wedding, and I foolishly listened, trying to be a good JW wife.

Anytime my sister would go to the Memorial or Convention, I had hope she would come back for good. I tried to speak positively about the "truth" so she would come back, even though I was very unhappy being a witness. Eventually, I got tired of ignoring her, as she was one of my best friends, and I started talking with her again. She showed me unconditional love, and seemed so happy with her non-JW life that I finally researched the history of the organization and left the religion too. She could have been mad at me, but she understood that I was doing what I thought was best at the time. Fortunately we are still great friends.

I'm sure your family really does love you, they are told to shun you out of love, so the blame of you not returning to the religion isn't on them. There was a horrible talk last DC about how the most loving thing a family can do is to shun their relative to win them back. If they talk to them, they could hinder them coming back...which would hinder them from getting everlasting life. It was sad to see a mother in my hall crying her eyes out listening to that garbage, because her unbaptized son had stopped going to meetings.

QuestioningEverything

Yes-My aunt who is a year and a half younger than me. We grew up like sisters. She joined the Mormon religion and called me to tell me her decision. I told her that i wasn't going to be able to have contact with her because of it.

And for 5 long years, we didn't talk. It was heartbreaking. Once I realized the what the WTBS was all about, i called her and we've been close as ever since then. I feel so embarrassed by my decision to cut her off.

jamiebowers

Did you ever shun someone close? How did you feel?

Yes, but I was lucky that she wnted me to shun her, so as not to cause her any problems in getting quickly reinstated.

But now, I'm trying to understand how my family might REALLY feel.

In my experience it seems that jws adhere to strict shunning for two reason and sometimes a combination of both:

1. They really believe it will make you return to the cult.

2. They have something to be ashamed of, and it's easier to shun so as not to face up to that shame.

eva luna

I had a a sibling DFed. I kept in contact with 'them' over the phone.

Someone else in the family found out, and told the elders. This kept 'them' from being reinstated an extra 6 months.

Ouch! I was told it was all my fault by family memeber.

I followed the rules in this situation after that.

Later in life it came up with my closest friend. I was somewhat inactive by then. Our friendship didnt change, other than I hid it.

She had no plans on coming back. But I didnt want to get axed over it.

It's sad what the shunning policy makes us feel obligated to do.

QuestioningEverything

"I just wanted you to know how much I have truly missed you . For the last 4.5 years I have felt like a piece of my heart has been missing. I have wanted to call you so many times and I always had you on my mind. Now, I feel like that piece of my heart has been put back. I missed you so much. "

The above statement is written by my aunt to me after we got back in touch. I saved this and read it once in a while to remind myself how destructive the WTBS really is.

therevealer

jamiebowers - 3. They are afraid they might be caught/seen not towing the party line and themselves be counseled. It's like why do they refrain from so many things. They might be "caught". What a sad debilitating life. And yes sadly for me I was there for too long.

troubled mind

Yes ,and it always made me feel horrible inside . I constantly battled with my own conscience telling me love of family should come first ,and Watchtower counsel saying if we really loved our Df'd loved one we should shun them .

I missed my brothers wedding because the 1980's (86-89) KM had just come out with the strong wording about shunning a family member that no longer lives in the home . I went back and forth speaking at least a little to him whenever we crossed paths ,but never intentionally planning association .We missed watching each others kids growing up . We had some contact over those years ,but not enough to build a strong familiar bond that families should have .

He was DA'd in the 1970's ......over the yrs it dawned on me the disfellowshipping policy made no sense in his case . It was meant to keep the congregation clean and to make the person feel sorry for the lost association so they would want to return . After 30 yrs the fact was my brother was a good kind person that just didn't want to be a JW so the reasoning behind the DF policy fell flat .

In 2000 my oldest son was graduating High School and i wanted my brothers family there . I called and invited them to the ceremony and to a small family gathering at my home afterwards . I was so excited and they were too . They even suggested they would come out early and be at the house to host until we got home from the ceremony . The night before the event my other brother (a recent baptized JW after yrs of being out ) called and said I had to uninvite my DA'd brother or else all the JW family and friends would have to be notified of his presence and would most likely not attend . He berated me and made me feel horrible .....he used the Watchtower magazine advice against me . I called my older brother in tears and explained the situation ,he calmly said don't worry about it ...I won't come .He was more worried that this would distract attention away from my son and it was better to just not attend .....

This event was the first major wake up call for me that I was brainwashed ......afterwards I knew I had made a huge mistake . With in a couple of months after this I made a final decision that never again would i allow anyone to tell me shun anyone again . I went to my older brother and apologized profusely over what I had done to him . I promised never to allow this to happen again . He forgave me and has given me another chance . We now are involved in each others lives along with each others children . My other brother attend a few 'all' family included gatherings ,but now that i quit attending meetings he has cut off all communication . So I gained one brother and lost the other .

I am sure your family feels the utter dispair shunning you causes their hearts to go through . Hopefully they will be smarted than I and not wait to long to wake up to the sheer nonsense of cutting off a loved one .

Mr. Falcon

I can't really remember if I ever actively shunned anyone. If I did, I beg their forgiveness for my ignorance and rudeness.

But NOW I don't think I could shun a DF'd person, unless it was someone I hated all along or if they were someone who derserves to be shunned (not because of any religious edict, but a social one) like a child molester or rapist or something like that.

Then again, if they were a molester or rapist, they probably aren't DF'd and are currently appointed and/or annointed.

jean-luc picard

Thank you all for your responses.

One thing is becoming clear: disfellowshipped ones are MORE LOVING, MORE FORGIVING and MORE UNDERSTANDING than those so called christians in the congregation.

Mr FALCON: Just a touch of irony:

Then again, if they were a molester or rapist, they probably aren't DF'd and are currently appointed and/or annointed.

LOL.

I have to go to work now. Will catch up tomorrow.

God bless you all.

Mr. Falcon

Later, mon capitan.

Did you ever shun someone close? How did you feel?

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