Did you ever shun someone close? How did you feel?

by jean-luc picard 27 Replies latest jw friends

  • jean-luc picard
    jean-luc picard

    How does a JW feel when he "HAS" to shun someone he likes/loves?

    During the time I was in, I shunned people. But as I didn't like them, it was no problem.

    But now, I'm trying to understand how my family might REALLY feel.

    (I presume here, of course, that they DO "like/love me".)

  • LouBelle

    I know we were taught not to assciate with those that were D'fed. I had a very close friend of mine that got D'fed. I saw him often in the street, there was just no way I could walk past him and ignore him. I chose to ignore that specific Jw law as I did not feel that it was right. I'm happy I ignored it.

    I personally don't care if people shun me. I don't want to associate with those type of people any longer.

  • FirstLastName

    I did. And feel horrible about it now - but at the time I thought I was doing what was right. It scares to me think I was able to "turn off" my feelings for that person so easily. But now when I look back - it makes sense since JW's are very conditional about the love they give. The irony is that they think they are exactly the opposite.

    I have true friends now....and it took some time to realise that my old friends and their conditional love was not worth it. I do not even miss them anymore - I realise it was all fake friendship anyway.

  • Broken Promises
    Broken Promises

    I did, and felt absolutely horrible, it ate me up inside.

    I'm so glad I don't have to do that ever again.

  • eruption

    JLP,I never shunned anyone, I would have talked to anyone and nobody would have stopped me, I think that JW,s that are supposed to be shunned, do themselves a great dis-service, THEY segregate themselves, if you go to engage them in conversation, they practically run away from you, because they are desperate to appease the elders. So even if you attempt dialogue, they run away. It wasnt my fault they were shunned it, it was there own fear, they Isolated themselves.

    The R/F JW,s were/ are arseholes because they fear the Elders, I despised them (present company excluded).

  • Morbidzbaby

    I shunned my brother... I did it partly because it was JW policy and partly because my mom said I had to. Same thing with an aunt of mine that was DF'ed...I wasn't even baptized and was just a little kid, but whenever we saw her my mom told me I wasn't allowed to speak to her because she "left Jehovah and is living a bad life". I don't even know my aunt and it saddens me that I was never given the chance to get to know her.

    Shunning my brother was difficult. His wife was not a JW and so they used to come over with their kids so my parents could see their grandchildren. My dad was not a JW at the time, so he associated with my brother with no problem. Dad would make dinner, and my mom took seriously the scripture that says "not even eating with such a man", and she would take her plate into another room and make me follow suit. So we'd all be sitting there and mom and I would talk to the kids and my sister-in-law, but not my brother. If my brother came in and got in a conversation with his wife and my dad, my mom would leave the room and make me do the same. They actually asked me to come over and watch the baby every day while my sis-in-law was in school and my brother was working and I did...that was difficult because when my brother would come home, it would just be us...and virtual silence. And I think he was so angry about everything that he didn't bother talking. A few times he talked to me, but what he said was laced with venom because of the crap he was being put through, so I don't blame him for that.

    He did eventually get reinstated, but I don't think he could have ever forgiven my mom for the lengths she went to in order to avoid him. He's inactive now, wants nothing to do with the JW's, and moved away. I talk to him every few months to make sure he's still alive, but it's clear that for the most part he just wants to be left alone.

  • jean-luc picard
    jean-luc picard

    Thanks for your experience Morbidzbaby.

    What a shame that your relation with your brother has been spoiled.

    Broken promises: I guess that my family might feel the same way, though I live a

    long way away so it is probably easier (out of sight...etc )

    Eruption and Loubelle: well done for having character

    Firstlastname: its scarey how we so easily fall in line.

  • sd-7

    Yes. The woman who later became my wife. I felt like my insides had been ripped out. I hated the elders for talking crap about her and suggesting that she wasn't worth it even if she got reinstated. It was what eventually caused me to question the rightness of the religion enough to do my own research.

    We've had our disagreements and I've certainly not liked some of the things she's said or done. But I would be the first to say she is a good person. She deserved better than to be led along by these false shepherds.

    Her presence made the pain go away, even though there has been the far greater pain of learning that this religion was a farce and that she would never believe me, would side with them instead, in the end. I shunned lots of people in my day, but it wasn't until it was someone I cared about that the moral implications of what we were doing struck home.

    So, in conclusion, Jean-Luc, "THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!!!"


  • itscrap&theyknowit!

    I've been going thru it with my Mom, (all of a sudden) since Dad passed away last summer. She hasn't been adult or a TRUE JW to come to my face to verbally tell me.

    It first started a month after Dad passed. I had stopped going to the meetings about 2 years before. I noticed that Mom would not take my calls nor would she return them. She would be cold and short with a bit of arrogance when answering me. After about 2 weeks of her stupidity, it had been brought to my attention that she and my siblings needed to 'stop dealing with me'. This I suppose would make me want to come back to the hall if I missed everyone. It didn't work. This is one of my reasons for NOT dealing with JWs....the stupidity.

    Eight weeks went by. I didn't call or go to visit or even take the kids. She eventually broke down and called. She still hasn't SAID to me why she was taking the JW road to 'holy-ism' all of a sudden. We started talking and visiting again.

    She just recently started with her antics about a month ago. The thing is, I'm a VERY busy person. It doesn't bother me not to call or drop by or try to take her out to dinner or a movie or plan a vacation with her since Dad is nolonger with us.

    Do these 'christian wanna-be's' sit down to think on their own that what they are doing is soooooooooooooooooo stupid? I could see if I were living a vile life. I just choose to search the TRUE way Jehovah wants to be served. And this ain't it!

  • itscrap&theyknowit!

    and, oh....when I run into JWs from my congregation where my husband has bad-mouthed me (but, STILL wants to be married...) they try so hard to MAKE SURE that they look at me with disdain. I've been in situations where I embarass the hell out of them when it has happened.

    Just very infantile and a$$hole-ish to ignore people for something that you have no specific knowledge of what they've gone thru! Because THE BROTHERS told you not to speak to me???? Ask them WHY?

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