How far will you let people go? (page 2)

White Dove

Awesome thread, Loz!

This is helpful to me, personally, as it seems I attract a bully or three on my threads from time to time.

I take the bate, like an idiot.

No more! A bully loves attention. They love to hurt others because just maybe they are hurting, too.

You know, share the pain?

That is not my responsibility nor my debt to pay.

So why do I take their bate and pay the price of their pain when I don't owe it?

This is where self-esteem comes in.

Out with the doormat and in with the self-esteem and worth!

I didn't realize that it's a common problem with many.

We really do help each other on this board, don't we

White Dove

How are you doing, Farkel?

I worry about you.

mrsjones5

How far will you let people go?

Nowadays not too far. Don't have the patience for the abuse. I have no qualms about cutting an abuser out of my life.

Lozhasleft

Thank you everyone for you very thoughtful inputs. And Lol@ Farkel perhaps you can tell me?

I'm so glad that people can relate to this, it really helps. I wasn't referring to the forum (sorry if I misled you) or the posters on it, per se - this is about my 'real' life - but the principles still apply.

I think its probably true that I need to find a middle ground somehow, and not be too easily provoked. Seems like I now have thinner skin in some ways?

Loz x

life is to short

I can totally relate to you. I too allowed myself to be bullied for years. I remember the pain like yesterday when I was first married and a very prominent sister in the hall came up to me and asked me how stupid was I. It was over something that I had no control over and she was just a huge bully and mad at life. She just stood there asking me over and over how stupid was I.

What do you say to that to someone asking you to tell them you are stupid. I just sat there trying not to cry as she was yelling at me and I meekly said after she would not let up that I guess I was really stupid. I just wanted her to go away and it seemed the only way to get her to leave me alone. She said with pure venom yes you are stupid the most stupidest person I have ever seen.

I hated myself for allowing her the satisfaction of bullying me but I had such low self esteem.

It is something I still battle with today. People like her are out there and not just in the "truth" when I run into them I still shrunk from them and I hate myself for that.

I do not think it is wrong to go to the other side for awhile because it takes time to learn that you have value as a human and have a right not to be talked down to.

Thanks for a great post and I am going to read the book you talked about.

LITS

sizemik

Interesting thread Loz . . .

There is discomfort in being on the recieving end of aggresive and abusive behavior. But, as you mentioned, there can be discomfort in simply walking away from it or worse, confronting it. I've found myself walking away from what I've percieved as aggressive or confrontational approaches or behavior, only to experience or observe the same person in quite different mode, and still having something valuable to offer. I'm left wondering . . . what went wrong?

Some years back I encountered a thing called "Transactional Analysis". The model was developed primarily for facilitating effective business communication, but has a great deal of validity in everyday situations. It basically breaks modes of communication down into the Adult,Parent, and Child ego states (which are present in all of us) and analyzes which state is dominating during communication . . . and best of all . . . how to counter the dominant negative ego in others.

There is a basic breakdown of the model at . . . http://www.businessballs.com/transactionalanalysis.htm

While not being a fix-all when dealing with aggressive and asshole behavior . . . I personally have found it quite helpful. At the very least it gives a reason for negative communication styles and leaves the blame where it belongs . . . and I can feel better about my own ego-state. The model also fits comfortably along side most of the positive points made in the posts added thus far . . . some of which have been good stuff.

Lozhasleft

Thank you ...some profound thoughts and honest expressions here...I love the way people become so self aware.

Loz x

How far will you let people go?

Share this