Reading the thread about people self destructing on here combined with some experiences of my own has set me thinking.
I seem to have developed an intolerance to any kind of abusive behaviour. Of course none of us should tolerate serious abuse, I do realise that. But whereas in the past and particularly whilst a JW I learnt to turn the other cheek or ignore as best I could any insults/sniping/snide comments from whoever fired them at me....now I simply cant.
Its as if I have 'found' that I am worth more...that its totally unacceptable, and I wont allow it. That sounds quite positive doesnt it?
But, maybe I've become a little extreme? I dont know. It results in my being very selective as to who I choose to have around me in my life, who I choose to trust with my affections. More than that, once someone hurts me I seem to close the door on them. I dont mean I dont forgive if people are sorry but if there's no evidence of regret or a reluctance to resolve differences, I just switch myself off, somehow. I'm not used to this feeling. I am used to going the extra mile, even if it affects me adversely. I cant do it anymore. I cant put myself in situations that disturb my emotions that way.
Freeflyingfaerie wrote a beautiful post about her feelings and she highlighted vulnerability. I think our time in the WTBS certainly renders us vulnerable...and to some extent I feel that people we meet can sense it, and those who aren't 'kindly,' possible indulge themselves by taking advantage of it. Are we now susceptible targets?
I'm currently reading The Four Agreements which was recommended on here by a poster... it contains some simple wisdom about how we handle life, drama, and pain.
Recently in a situation I actually said to someone 'No, I wont accept this. I have had too much pain already. I refuse to deal with anymore.' Thats how it feels.
I'm not sure that my 'new' attitude is healthy. Many people expect us to put up and shut up, for all kinds of reasons. I cant. Not anymore.
Can anyone relate to what I'm saying?
I'd appreciate some thoughts.