i have finally decided to "give up " on jw family !

by looloo 20 Replies latest jw friends

  • talesin

    Sad, my heart goes out to you looloo, and you as well, grewup.

    Good that you both have real families now, and love in your life.

    Acceptance is the last stage of grief, and that is what we do for our families of birth, grieve their loss. I was stuck in anger for many years, and when I finally accepted my situation for what it is (took far too long), I felt a huge relief.


  • skeeter1

    I stopped trying also with my JW family.

    My father was to come visit in early May. I called, and he said he'd make it after the first week. Then, it's after last Wednesday. Now, I've not heard. I just don't feel like hounding. He hasn't called to speak with or talk to any of his gradchildren or me (unless he really needs me to do something for him..). I will admit that when I call, and he sounds very happy to hear from me. But, he doesn't call or make an effort. He announced that with this visit...he just wanted to go out into field service when he came. I assured him I'd take him to the local KH each morning, as I had in the past. The typical visit will go like this:

    - drive dad to KH for field service at 7:30ish

    - dad comes home via another "friend" around eleven or noon

    - dad eats lunch and takes nap

    - dad awakes to read bible & mags

    - dad will do some small talk, but then tell me about a JW (chain) e-mail.

    - I feign interest, but will sometimes just can't take it anymore..and will question doctrine or the logic of the e-mail....(oh, no!)

    - dad eats dinner, retires for more bible reading

    - dad goes to bed

    So, it's just can be taxing to be around all of that JW "good-i-ness" that is on show. Sometimes, I think he does it to ward off the "demons" that must be lurking due to my CHristmas ornaments and holiday decorations that are stored. Perhaps, it's the Percy Jackson movies or the kids games. But really, I think he's trying to show me that he's a follower of Jehovah (to make up for some awful years). I half-heartedly thought of making him a garlic rose necklace...like those Hawaiin ones....and greet him at the airport with it. LOL.

    The JW/non-JW thing is the elephant in the room; making any real family time almost impossible.

    When you have JW family and you ain't JW, you might as well not have JW family. Sometimes, shunning is a blessing.


  • OnTheWayOut

    Sorry to hear your pain and problems, Looloo. Take care of the child. Power to you.

  • Chariklo

    Looloo, thanks so much for sharing this here.

    I'm struggling to deal with all the apparent "concern" and "kindness" that have been showered on me this evening as they wake up to the fact that I, who so nearly became a JW, have woken up and am withdrawing like mad. They nearly got to me tonight, but reading what you're going through has put it so well into persepctive.

    This is a very bad religion. It makes people do terrible things and still tell themselves they are doing it because they are faithful and taking a "courageous stand". Ugh. Horrid.

    Take care, and thanks again.

  • jamiebowers

    Loo & Grew, so sorry for your pain. Your relatives are probably not bad people, but brainwashing makes them do very bad things. It wouldn't be any different if they were violent alcoholics or theiving drug addicts. It's better to be away from them.

    Edited to add: Loo, especially in your case where a child is involved, at least there are no jw grandparents to freak your kid out about Armageddon or Jehovah's anger over the celebration of birthdays and holidays.

  • flipper

    LOOLOO- So sorry for your pain. JW relatives can be a boorish lot with horrific behavior. I'm sure it's hard on your child as well. Very sad. Sounds like your JW family is trying to turn it around on you and make YOU seem like the bad person. A letter would be good to clear the air and perhaps you being upfront will shock them to their senses. As one poster mentioned, yes, they are mind controlled- but when a grandchild is involved they need to get over themselves.

    This is a perfect example of how this JW cult makes it's members selfish and uncaring. My wife and I send our best wishes to you. Hang in there

  • White Dove
    White Dove

    I think that JW's have the most disfunctional families of any group I can think of.

    Being able to cut off association with ones that you consider a part of your very being...can't understand it.

  • Anony Mous
    Anony Mous

    At that age, most likely you care more about it than your child does. My dad abandoned us when I was 4 and had visitation but only came through 1/4th of the time until I was 12. My grandparents moved to another country when I was 10, my other grandparents were likewise not interested and lived an hour or 2 away. I never really cared. Just forget about them, they're not worth it.

  • White Dove
    White Dove

    I think the Mous has it right.

    My kids didn't really build a close relationship with my parents or grandparents, quite the opposite, really.

    They don't miss them or anything.

    My post about Grandmother is all about my feelings only.

    Egg could not care less.

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    They are a danger to your future relationship with your child.

    Count your blessings.

    I would be more concerned if they were jumping up and down pressuring you to let them babysit while you have a holiday/dinner/whatever.

    Leave your seven year old alone with a pair of bOrgites for one night and you might have to spend years undoing the damage.


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